Funny and Humorous Technical Support Tales and Stories

I can't take credit for this, but it is cute and belongs on this site :)

One of my friends works in the customer service call center of a national pager company. He deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people.

The best call came from a man who repeatedly complained he was being paged by "Lucille." He was instructed that he would have to call her and tell her to stop paging him.

"She don't never leave no number, so I can't call her back," he said. After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didn't leave a number.

"She leaves her name" was the reply. After establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager, the light bulb came on. "How does she spell her name?" the service rep asked.

"L-O-W C-E-L-L"

today, i called linksys about a problem with their router. it went something like this

tech: thank you for calling linksys, my name is (name), can i have your serial number?

me: (serial)

t:okay, hold on just a second)

me: dun dun dun dun

t: okay, whats the problem?

me: i can only get online with 1 laptop at a time, each other time just the lights flash. i believe its a problem with your router. is there a way you could send me a new one?

tech: go to this site, change the settings, and tell me what happens

me: still doesnt work

t: try bla bla bla

me: still doesnt work

t: hold on

me: waiting, 5 min later

t: sir? okay. its a problem with the router. we will need to send you a new one.

why couldnt he have just listened to me? Dell pulls the same stuff every time i call......

-Tyler

(This is the second time I've sent this story - apparently you did not recieve it the first time.)

The fruit never falls far from the tree...

I love this site. Great for boring class periods. :)

I'm 17. I'm not in any with tech support company (yet), but I do work as sort of a voluntary computer dude around my friends and family. I think you'll like this story.

The other day, I was walking into last period Biology class (the teacher doubles as a Biology and Newspaper teacher) to finish working on our latest issue. Heading towards the computer, what do I find, besides a freshman madly pounding (literally POUNDING random keys) on the keyboard, flying through BIOS screens? AGH!

*Pushes mexican girl freshman aside*

Me: "What on EARTH are you doing!?"

Her: "I'm trying to get on the internet, you stupid prick!"

*Freshman stomps off towards her desk*

Me: "Eh... ok..."

Not only was she attempting to access the internet from the BIOS, she was attempting it on a machine that had no physical network connection.

I investigated for possible damage. Sure enough, some settings had been drastically changed. Since when does the school give us Win95 computers with 10MB HDs?

I reset the BIOS, rebooted, and loaded up the newspaper layout. Towards the end of the class, I needed a file from the teacher's comp, and took a disk to his office to get it. I was gone for maybe, thirty seconds, came back, and there she was again, bashing on the keyboard, flying through the BIOS. Fortunately, I had saved my work before leaving.

Me: "What in the bloody HELL are you doing!?"

Her: "I'M TRYING TO GET ON THE INTERNET YOU STUPID F***! CAN'T YOU F***ING SEE THAT!?

*Teacher walks up*

Teacher: "What the hell is she doing!?"

Me: "She's in the BIOS, if we don't-"

Her: "I'm trying to get on the internet! He won't let me get on the internet!"

Me: "There's no physical netw-"

Her: "I saw some kids on it yesterday! THEY were on the internet!"

(Yesterday being Sunday - WTF was she doing at school a on Sunday? Obvious lie, or slip of the tongue.)

Teacher: "Go sit down. NOW! We wil discuss AFTER the bell!"

Her: "I don't have to sit down! I am allowed to get on the internet at school! My mom said so!"

Me: (Under breath) "Great, another one of these..."

At this point, she was screaming as loud as she could that the teacher was a, quote, "F***ing nazi" and that he was "prejudice" because a shew wasn't allowed to use a computer only Senior Newspaper Staff were allowed to access. The entire rest of the class was huddled in one corner of the room. Can't say I blame them.

After about 5 minutes of arguing, she slapped the computer off and we all our way to the principle's office. 2 days suspension was immediately assigned just for repeated classroom disturbances (she'd done this kind of thing before multiple times), along with another day for excessive swearing, and yet another day for "Attempted Destruction of School Property". Nothing was really damaged, but I think she deserved that extra day either way. More swearing, yelling, and she was carted off to the ISS room by campus security.

Wow. What a show. But the fun was over, and it was back to working on newspaper. *Sigh*

A few days later, I was called out of lunch and into the principle's office. There, standing in the room, was the campus security officer, my newspaper/her biology teacher, the principle, the freshman girl, and an older mexican woman.

Oh, hell. She'd brought her mom.

*In heavy spanish accent*

Mom: "Is dis the boy who yelled at mi dau-ter?"

Principle: "Yes."

Me: "Yelled!?"

Mom: "Who di F*** do you dink you are, telling mi dau-ter she cannot use computer!? You are nothing but a worthless pile of chick-in CACA!"

*Teacher shrugs, prinicple drops head on desk*

*Girl gives evil smile*

I couldn't believe it. I thought users like this only existed in the worst of techs' dreams.

Me: "She wanted to access the internet. There was no physical network conn-"

Mom: "You no give me bull-s***! All com-puters have intranet!" (She really said Intranet.)

At this point I was getting pretty pissed off. "All computers have intranet"? What with me being a literalist, I decided to just tear her a new one with tech talk. Hardcore techs know exactly what I'm talking about.

Me: "For starters, all computers do NOT have 'intranet'. SOME computers, mostly the DOS-slash-Windows 95 machines around here have INTERNET access. Your daughter-"

Mom: "Then why you no let mi dau-ter download intranet?"

WHAT THE FUH-LUCK!? Oh NO she didn't...

After about 10 minutes of arguing (that's my lunch period you're wasting, bitch!), she demanded to she the computer, as she planned to prove that it did, in fact, have "intranet" access. (Technically, if a connection had been present, the school's intranet would be accessable, but not from any student account.)

Into the Biology room we go. That is, after she walks smack into the door that requires you to PULL, not PUSH. This made me laugh.

She sits down at the computer and immediately jabs the reset button. After the computer failed to power on, I leaned over and pushed the button marked in large letters, "POWER". By this time, I was laughing hard enough for everyone to hear.

The post screen appears, and she instantly mashed the delete key. Into the BIOS she goes. She then begins pounding the keyboard (now, where had I seen this before?) before reseting the computer in the middle of the BIOS. We boot into Windows. She then double-clicks the IE 3.0 icon, and after a few seconds of churning, the computer spits out a "Page Cannot Be Displayed" error. I had almost pulled myself together, when...

Mom: "That is di probleh-m. It hoss (has) no phone!"

Me: (LMAO)

Teacher: "No phone?"

Mom: "It hoss no phone! It need phone to get on intranet!"

It took them a few seconds to realize she was talking about the dial-up window that IE displays for our fellow dial-suck users.

Me: "Uh, ma'am, (laff), this computer was designed to use a CAT-5 cabling, 10Base-T based network... (LOL)"

Mom: "You wrong! Dis computer has no phone! It no work without phone!"

She then clicked the Start menu and hovered over the "Shut Down..." selection. Thank God, I thought, she's about to go away. But no! The cursor zips up to Programs-)MS-DOS prompt! %$#@!

The screen goes black. Her fingers flew as she typed in her magic commands, attempting to spite us all by destroying the crappy little Pentium 133 machine. After her plan had been so cunningly set, she stood up, stuck her tongue out at me, (rofl), and mashed the enter key. The computer promptly spit back:

"C:\WINDOWS\delete dreive hard drove C *.9 FROMAT

Bad command or file name

C:\)WINDOWS\"

But, she was still looking at me.

Mom: "You si, I know computers more than you! I know more than you ever hope to know!"

Prinicple: "Uh... ah... umm..." *Fidgets*

Teacher: *chuckles*

Me: "Ma'am, just what kind of computer do you have at home?"

Mom: "Oh, it best computer in world! It a Compack-teh 10 Billion!"

I swear, I am not kidding. She really said, "Compack-teh 10 Billion".

After this point not much more happened, besides her saying that the newspaper computer was destroyed and that we could never use it again because she had destroyed the "motor". I leaned down, typed "exit", and walla, back at the desktop.

Eventually they left. Her daughter was banned from any sort of school computer use until she could prove that she knew what she was doing (how to open Word, and when to leave the machine alone, pretty much). They climbed back into their old chevy truck, and left.

*RING*

Lunch period gone. Wonderful.

I have nothing against Mexicans, or brown people in general, but I hope that one of these days, she tries to beat a freight train and loses her butt(literally). I don't think people like this deserve to be wasting our planet's valuable resources.

This story just proves the state of the New York City education system.

I'm a monitor for a computer teacher at my school. Now, all the computers in the lab had many mapped network drives, all of them the CD-ROM drive of the computer lab server. I had never questioned this, until one day...

One day I was installing a new program on the computers in the lab with the teacher, and he was showing me how to do it. He opened Network Neighborhood, browsed to server_316, the computer lab server, and mapped the CD-ROM drive, which was shared. Then I realized what was with all those many copies on every computer. Apparently, he re-mapped the CD-ROM drive every time he installed a program over the network I asked why he did this, and he responded that that was how he was taught to do it at a computer course. After about 5 minutes of arguing with him without saying that he was an idiot, I finally convinced him to do it my way. It made me wonder why he is in the position to teach children how to use computers. Oh well.

We had a customer come in with a dead eMachine. We found out the mainboard and possibly the cpu was toast. We discussed replacing the affected parts. The customer decided to do so and we ordered the parts. Later they came in and we tested everything again, even though the vendor does this for us as well. Everything was working fine. We called the customer and he came in to pick up his merchandise. We asked him if he wanted to install the new parts or have us do it. He informed us he was a graduate of a local vocational school for computers and would have no trouble installing anything. The following day he called and told us the mainboard we sold him was defective. We had him bring everything in and we could smell something was hot. We unplugged the power supply and began to look at the baord, we noticed the customer had srewed the board right onto the chassis - no riser screws / posts or anything. Metal to metal. We called the customer and had him come in the next day - after we explained to him what happened, the customer had a blank look on his face. I told him he might as well had powered it up and thrown it in a pool. He left confused. He admitted to us later, that it wasn't until later that day he had figured out what he had done. Needless to say, we are not hiring graduates from that school.

I do Tech Support for a law firm. I just had a call from a secretary telling me about her new home system that she just bought. She told me she has one of those new-fangled Water Gel Monitors! She told me that she liked the way it looked however, she did not like the water noises it made. Huh?! I told her that if she had water in her monitor, she would have bigger problems than the noise...electrocution comes to mind. Turns out, she had the "Underwater Theme" set in Windows Themes that was playing on her attached speakers.

I had to send screenshots of a product we were developing to our content expert partners. I zipped up 10 JPEGs and e-mailed them to her.

This was the response:

"I can't open the file. Is there any way I can get something that will open in Word or PPT? Sometimes I can open Jpegs too. Also, I do not have a zip drive. Any suggestions?"

Working for an internet service provider, we often troubleshoot Network properties. One customer I had,(she seemed somewhat knowledgable about computers and internet lingo), when I asked her to right click on network neighborhood on the desktop and click on properties, she literally tried to write the word "click" on the icon Network Neighborhood!!! :)

Working for an Internet Service Provider, we troubleshoot connection problems. Many times when we are testing a customers connection, our tests are blocked by firewalls, when a co-worked told me she asked her customer if she had a firewall, the customer stated firewall? No I dont think so, we dont have any kind of walls out there, there might be some bricks out there though................... :$

I'm not a Tech, but, the other day I was at Radio Shack looking for a few things and I overheard A cutomer and one of the staff discussing a problem. Seems she was having trouble with her cell service and calls were either not going through or not coming in, but, that hardly matters because the only problem was a dumb user. This Radio Shack was located inside of a mid sized mall that was famous for blocking all cell phone t.v. and radio signals. The Tech took her phone out into the hallway placed a call to the store and the call went through. Then he came back into the store and used a cordless phone to call her cell and wouldn't you know it the call went through. Dumb lady says "duh, of course it works you are holding them right next to each other". He tryed to explain to her about cell towers, land lines and such but, she would not listen. At this point knowing she would never understand, I walked over and rudely said "I'm really busy and you need to haul your #ss over here and get me something off this rack right f#cking now. Dumb lady storms out and the Tech looks straight at me and says "thanks". We spent a few minutes talking about dumb lady then he walks away to let me browse at my leisure.

I guess I'm not a tech supporter per se, but I do run Tutorials Teaching Java

at my university. Students are the bane of my existance, and it seems that no matter

how clearly spelled out instructions can be, they never get it right.

EG: We have PII 350 machines running Solaris. The only way to acess the floppy drive

on these machines is to telnet into the local host and type volcheck, followed by cd /floppy/floppy0/

One of my more inept students attempting to do this so I gave him the instruction sheet and walked away, assuming he could

work it out. Unfortunately, 10 minutes later I walked by him and and noticed he had missed one of the "/"'s

anyway, instead of checking for that he figured it would be more likely to be /floppy/floppy1/ or maybe

floppy2 or even 3.. he got right the way to 11 before finally realising that this just might not be the problem.

Compiling Java code seems to be a problem for some people, for instance, many, many people seem to have trouble comprehending this

compiler message "; expected, line 45" Now to ME, that would say that there is a semi-colon expected on Line 45 but I guess it's much

easier to get the tutor to fix it, because lets face it. they know what their doing.

I ask this lady to minimize the program she's working on. She asks me "How do you do that? I don't see that on the screen."

Sheez.

I am not someone whom has worked as tech support for money, instead I am constantly sought out by those people who have mistaken me for a free source of tech support. Some people, family, actually do get this great honor.

One day, I am sitting at home fiddling with my new sound system, and my mother gives me a call.

"I can't access my e-mail!"

"Are you using Eudora like I told you to?"

"No, I forgot how to!"

"Okay, now go to Yahoo.com."

"I can't find it!"

"Well, are you connected to the internet?"

"Yes."

"Everything else seems to be working now?"

"Uh-huh.."

"Okay, well tell me the message that gets displayed when you try to go to Yahoo.com"

"..There is no message."

At this point, I began to think that something rather strange was going on, so I shifted how I was trying to fix this.

"Okay, so nothing happens at all?"

"No, I TOLD you..I can't find it."

"...." I thought for a second, when a thought finally came to me. "..Where are you looking?"

"Under the Programs in the Start menu."

......! It was EXTREMELY hard to resist the urge to burst out laughing at my poor mother. She is computer illiterate, but I was SURE she'd known what I meant since it was followed by .Com!

I've never let her live it down.

My uncle's friend has a computer that was giving her troubles. It didn't want to connect to the internet, and when it did, she could not send email, but she could receive it. Soon after that, her computer hung at Norton Antivirus's memory scan for viruses half way through the word memory. I was asked to come over to fix it for her before she threw it out the window (She used to be a trucker)

When I got there, sure enough, there sat the computer at scanning mem- in a screen full of text. Nothing responded. She said it had been sitting there for 2 hours like that.

I tried rebooting the computer, only to discover there as a system password on the computer. Once I got past that, I arrived at the same place as I was when I got there.

Into safe mode I went (dealing with 98 btw) this booted up fine (once I got past that annoying password) when the GUI loaded, I was exposed to a screen just packed full of over 200 icons at the safemode mega big res. There were folders, links to those folders, shortcuts, copies of short cuts, links to copies of shortcuts (I kid you not). But this was only the beginning. I descided the best thing to do was remove norton antivirus, as it obviously had an issue.

What I found in add/remove programs I have never seen before in the 7 or so years I have been dealing with computers. We had:

Norton Antivirus 2000

Norton Personal Firewall 2000

Norton system works

McAfee Antivirus

McAfee Antivirus 2000

McAfee Firewall

Zone Alarm

Black Ice

Bonzi Buddy

Netscape Navigator Gold Edition

Netscape Communicator 6.1

Outlook Express

Outlook

Intellimail

Kaza

Napster

Morpheus

Scour Media Agent

MS Word

MS works

Corel Draw

Corel WP

Realplayer

Real Download

As well as countless demos and many other things. I called her over and confirmed the removal of all mcafee and norton items, I removed Bonzi, and alot of the other stuff listed that she never used anymore. We rebooted to normal mode without any problems.

Now to deal with her internet issues. We connected to the internet fine, and tried to send/receive email with Intellimail . Got errors for both.

Turns out she has her username for both incomming and outgoing mail server names, as told to do by her ISP support. She did have the correct information from a different call to the same ISP, so I corrected that information. She could now send an receive email again.

Having fixed her computer, I left. She called back a few days later, her printer had died. But that is another story.

I'm a Network Admin for mid-sized company. We are about 95% Mac based. There are lots of people who do a lot of web surfing, and of course when they come accress Flash sites. Sometimes they are prompted to download Shockwave or Flash. I usually install these programs when I set up a new computer, but Shockwave gets updated all the times, and I don't always have time to update everytone's computer.

The Executive Producer called me one day, saying something was wrong with her computer. I asked, "what's the problem?" She stated, "she had installed the latest version of Shockwave on her computer but she still couldn't view this website she needed to evaluate." I went to her computer only to see about 4 or 5 shockwave installers on her hard drive. I told her, "I see the problem, you haven't installed Shockwave yet." Her response, "yes I have I downloaded it." My response, "after you download it, you have to install it." Her reponse, "I never had to do that before." I said, "this is the way it's always been." She goes on to say, "I have been using Macs for many years, this is the first I have heard of this." I didn't say anything at that point. My only thought was, "All this these years on a computer, and you would have thought she knew how to use it."

Excuse my memory of Amigas, this was a long time ago. But I remember being able to make boot floppies that would display scrolling messages when you inserted the disk and rebooted. I think you just had to hit enter to get past the message. I gave a disk to a dopey mate of mine with the message similar to the following..."Warning, your system has been infected by a virus. Please switch off the computer and ALL electrical equipment in the house for at least 30 minutes to clear".

Apparently his mom missed Coronation Street.

Well I gotta tell ya some customers are really sweet, like the sweet old lady who called for a 'manual set-up' to her ISP; she said "I hear there are too many viurses in floppies and CDs". No problem, I walked her to Windows98 DUN and began creating a dialer but when I gave her the POP to type in she responded sternly, "Oh No! I don't want Any numbers in my computer! I don't plan on going onto the Internet, there's too many viruses out there!!"

I asked just what she planned on doing with her internet account? She responded "I just want to send e-mail to my grand-children and Thats All!"

I tried to get her to understand that just can't be done without dialing into the mail server and she still will not have to 'go on the internet(browsing)'. She ended the call demanding to be transfered back to Customer Service to cancell her account....and I tell you No Lie, she ended by stating "I'm Going Back To AOL!"

*geesh*

A customer calls up complaining that he can no longer connect to his ISP, he keeps hearing a recorded message from us but can make out what it is saying...

I proceed to explain that we do not have 'recorded messages' on our dial up access numbers so we must find out what his 'local phone company' is trying to tell him (already knowing that this most likely means he is dialing incorrectly)

I asked "Are you in a 10-digit dialing area? Do you need to dial the area code for local calls?

He begins to get upset with me as he feels that is the most rediculas 'Put-Off or Put-Down' he has ever recieved from a technician and demands to talk to my supervisor!

I tried to calm him down (we all know sups have more important things to do than take calls like these....snicker, snicker;)

I asked if he had a second line to try dialing the number himself and hear just what the recording is saying, and he did. But instead of calling the access number he stated "I'll call the corner liqure store, I always call there with Only 7-Digits Like The Rest Of The USA!"

He dialed, and......he got a recording "Your Number Can Not Be Completed As Dialed, Please Hang Up And Dial Again"

I suggested he now try but this time use the area code...his call went through!

Now he demands to speak to a supervisor because "You Are Going To Loose A Lot Of Business Making Us Have To Remember 10-Digits *!#&^!!!!!"

OK, now lets talk about the technicians from when I worked regional tech support/trainer for a major electronic manufacture:

While working phone support for the copier/fax team Several technicians from our local dealerships would call up and state, "I am having troubles fixing one of your machines"

I would ask "Which model?" they would respond "Well, I think it's a Sharp" (-insert funny drum roll here-)

Commonly field techs would call up and ask for factory support, I would begin asking the basic questions, they would not have any of the basic answeres or machine readings AND they were no longer at the site. I would instruct them to return to the site and get this information so we can figure out the problem is and conclude a resolution, they would respond "But I need to fix it now or I will get fired, can't you just tell me the fix?!?" (-insert pink-slip here-)

I left for lunch one day - internet up and running great - and come back to find it not. I check the connnections, the router, the hub, the computer itself, but nothing seems to be out of the ordinary. I try resetting the router - twice - no avail. CAll the ISP - says everything looks good on his end. Call ISDN provider - everything looks good there. Even plug in a phone to see if the stupid ISDN line has a dailtone - it does. As I'm pondering over the situation I happen to flip the router over and notice the hub/no hub button is set to no hub (we have one). i reset it and voila it's up. As I'm coming out of the office our Sales Manager catches me and lets me know that he 'tried to reset the darn thing while I was at lunch, but it didn't seem to work'. Seems he thougth he was flipping the power switch to reset, but instead hit the hub button. Thanks man, you just cost me two hours, no internet or emmail and a lesson learned in locking one's office when you go to lunch! Button pushers, don't you love 'em?

I had JUST started a new job at an alarm monitoring company. To say the systems they were using were archaic would be a compliment, but we muddled thru. One of our main terminals had a nasty habit of freezing up if there were too many signals in the queue - which happened every morning. The office managers solution?? Shake the keyboard, and smack the side of the monitor (I am NOT kidding. This is what she told me to do). Heaven forbid we should reboot the system, the whole damn thing would come crashing down around us. They finally upgraded (?) to some 486's... an improvement but just barely. I wonder how they can honestly tell their clients with a straight face that they use 'state of the art' equipment...

This is a true story, all names have been removed. Well, there was only 3 people, so its not that hard to remove the names...

I sit in a row of 4 people working at a company that handles insurance. One day, a co-worker of mine who doesn't know a lot about computers went to show something off to a friend who sits next to her. She turned her monitor and the screen went black. It still had power, but the monitor was getting no signal. This co-worker just kind of looked at the monitor and wondered what happened. Figuring they were pretty smart, another co-worker who knew a lot about computers immediately took charge and checked the power, everything was fine. Checked the connection to the back of the computer, it was connected. Couldn't figure out what was wrong, so they grabbed the tech support person in the office. The tech came back and asked the usual questions:

"Checked the power?"

"Checked to make sure power was plugged in?"

"Checked to make sure its plugged into the computer?"

The person that thought they knew all about computers showed the tech that they had checked everything by testing it while the tech was there, unfortunately when the person touched the monitor cable, the cable came out of the back of the computer. Seems it wasn't exactly screwed into the computer all the way. Oops =)

Morals of the day:

Don't assume everything is correct unless you check it twice and have it confirmed...

Don't assume you know everything and try to show off, it doesn't work.

-Jester

Some quick ones:

1) I have a client hwo is actually quite bright. She is a web-designer, and knows her way around a computer --ordinarily. The other day she called me and told me that she could not get her laptiop to connect to her wireless network. I came into her office, while she tried to show me how her laptop just couldn't get **any** websites. Meanwhile, I'm busy inspecting the laptop.

Me: So you can't connect to the network?

Client: No! Not at all. Look! (Proceeds to open IE, with no luck opening her hompe page)

Me: Uh, Diana; umm, where's your wireless NIC card?

Cloent: Oh shoot! I forgot to put it in!

-----

Another client, sweet but brainless around PC's.

Client: If I change the monitor, will it increase the size of my hard drive?

Me: umm.....

----

>From my business partner (a marketer/salesman):

#1

George: Don't install XP until you've tested it.

me: How do you propose I test it?

George: I guess you'll have to install it in one of our computers....

me: .....

#2 (while in a retail store)

George; Hey John! Come look at this video card.

Me: What about it?

George; It's a 128MB card! I bet if we installed this into our machine that has 64MB of video RAM, it'd run twice as fast!

----

Remember. This guy went theough the A+ certification.

I had the following conversation with a lady customer over the phone. Fortunately I have the ability to suppress laughter, so I din't lose my job. Keep in mind the customer was filipina, and obviously was new to the English language.

Me: Hello, Computers, John speaking, how may I help you?

(C) Customer: Hello, I bought a computer and I want to know if it's a Mac or not.

Me: Well, if you bought it here, it certainly isn't a Mac, Ma'am. Staples doesn't carry Macintosh computers.

C: No, I know it's not a Macintosh computer, I just wonder if it's a Mac.

Me: Madame, a Macintosh computer IS a Mac.

Client: But this one says Microsoft. Is it a Mac?

Me: I'ms sorry, ma'am,. but I'm afraid you don't understand. Microsoft refers to the operating system. A Mac or a Macintosh, as it's properly known, is a type of computer. And anyway, we don't sell Macintoshes.

C: But do you sell Macs?

me: We don't sell Macs OR Macintoshes, Ma'am.

C: Are you sure?

Me: Yesss, ma'am. Quite sure. I can see from here the computers we sell, and we have no Macintoshes. Or Macs. By the way, Ma'am, a Macintosh is the same thing as a Mac.

C: Well, then, do you sell Microsofts?

Me: Excuse me?

C: Do you sell Microsofts? See, when we turn on this computer, it says "Microsoft".

Me: Is that the first thing that comes on the screen?

C: Well, first, it says "Compaq".

Me: Well, Ma'am, I suspect that what you have there is a Compaq computer.

C: So is this a Compaq Microsft?

Me: Ma'am, do you mean to say if this is a Compaq computer that runs Microsft Windows?

C: I don't know anything about any Windows. It's just a plain big box.

Me: So ---

C: And if it is a Microsoft Compaq, is it a Mac?

Me: Ma'am (trying desperately to keep a straight face) you see, a Macintosh is one type of computer, adn a Compaq is another type.

C: So a **Mac** is a Microsoft.

Me: Ma'am, Microsoft is a company that sells software.

C: So what's my thing here?

Me: That would be hardware.

C: So why does my Compaq say Microsoft?

Me: Well, a piece of hardware needs software to run.

C: Run where?

Me: Excuse me?

C: Where does it run to? Mine just sits here.

Me: No, ma'am. By "run" I mean operate.

C: Oh. So My Compaq operates Macintosh? Or Microsoft?

me: How do you know it's a Compaq.

C: That's what my son told me.

Me: Can you look at the front of the big tower poiece that sits on the floor; what does the label say?

C: (and you know the response to this one): It says "NECK!"

me: No, ma'am, That's N-E-C, and that's your screen. What about the big boxy thing on the floor?

C: that says Belkin.

Me: No ma'am, that's your UPS. The OTHER big boxy thing.

C: Oh! That says Com..........paq.

Me: So yes, ma'am. You have a Compaq computer that runs Microsft Windows. It is NOT a Macintosh or a Mac. Why do you ask all of this?

C: Oh, well, we can't find the coupon, adn I wasn't sure if I should send it to Macintosh or Microsoft.

Me: Do you mean the Compaq rebate coupon?

C: yes, I do.

Me: I think you should send that to Compaq.

C: Is that who made our computer?

me: Yes, ma'am!

C: Oh, well, thank you very much young man! Goodbye!

me: Goodbye!

Alright. My school uses terminals and logins. Our server stores everyone's docuements since the terminals aren't terrible reliable. But the server limits everyone to 20 megs of storage. I rarely, if ever have a problem I can't resolve on my own since I know the system really well. So of course everyone comes to ME when something won't work. But it gets better, Computer Science 1 was working in Flash. And Flash files are big if you didn't know. I'm talking 10 megs and up.

So this one kid who is what I would call a script kiddie (he prefers to call himself a l33l HaXoR DuDe) comes up to me complaining that he has no more space left. I go over and look at his computer and when I minimize everything to look at the remote drive I see that his desktop is covered in stupid little animated GIFs. I think he had at least 20 animated GIF . You know, like dancing baby, Homer Simpson, dancing Jesus, everything. I tell him he's going to have to get rid of them to save his Flash work. So he says, "No way. Those things make the computer run faster by exercising the processor more!" I tried to explain that they just wasted storage space and were actually stored in his remote drive, not on the desktop as he thought.

Later that year he figured out that you could circumvent Win2k security (I had known this for about 6 months as Win2k was rather new at the time and I didn't use it much) can be completely circumvented by disconnecting the network cable from the computer as it tries to load them from then network and then plugging it back in once the security fails. That got him in trouble not to mention a few calls to MS from the school. Those stupid programmers forgot that hot plugging isn't all good!

Get this!!!

I'm a computer technician for the U.S. ARMY.

I was sitting here working (actually reading and laughing at you site!) when one of my co-techs comes in and says, " I can't get this SGT's keyboard to work! It reboots just fine but his keyboard doesn't work. It's been driving me crazy for the last hour! Can you fix it?" I looked at him kinda weird, and he says,"Hey, if it's something stupid, you can kick me."I say okay, pick up a spare keyboard, and walk down to his office. I reboot his machine and test it. Nothing. Then I look at the back of the computer and the keyboard cable was pulled out. Seems like the lieutenant pulled out his USB digital camera and just left it there, and my counterpart never bothered to check it.

Needless to say, when I got back I kicked him square in his "fourth-point-of-contact"!

ArmyTECH

Ok i work as a technician @ my high school even tho i'm only 17, and one day my computer science teacher approached me. She wanted me to build her a new pc and she would pay me what it cost plus 50 bucks for doing it, cool. So i build her the computer and she calls me up about a week later. As you read the following keep in mind shes a COMPUTER SCIENCE TEACHER;

Me: Ok so whats the problem.

Her: Your new pc you built is broken!

Me: Ok well tell me the problem the best you can and we'll figure it out.

Her: My coffee cup holder broke.

Me: (confused)What does that have to do with the computer?!

Her: Well you built it!

Me: The coffee cup holder or the computer? I'm lost.

Her: Both!

Me: I didn't build you a coffee cup holder (wtf am i missing here?!)

Her: Yes you did! You push the button and it slides out. Well it broke and got coffee everywhere.

Me: (uh-oh i c where this is going) Could u describe the cup holder

Her: (mad) Yes its white, has a try and a green light, and its the right size for my cup.

Me: Does your computer mouse show a cd icon next to it when u close your holder? (she uses XP)

Her: Yes

Me: -name- thats your CDROM drive....

Her: uh-oh...this is gonna cost me huh?

Me: My thoughts exactly

Where did she graduate!

I've been doing tech support for years.. mostly for Firends and quake clan members over ICQ.

Family when i cant distract them and run away..

well ive been payed to do it for a little over a year.

we do internet tech suport for a large ISp in the US,

a large Cable ISP in the US.

well ive heard just about everything from

"cable modem? i dont have a cable modem!"

to " your service sux im gonna cancel! oh wait its working (click)"

this last call i never thought i would get.. i figured it was something i would just read on your site ( which kikes butt BTW)

T= me

C= client

T-" opening script"

c-"give account info"

T-and what the technical issue your having

C-well i cant get connected online.

T - okay no problem what lights are lit up on the cable modem?

C-well im on militaery service in (state other than home)

and im not able to conect online

c-yea, i was going to be away for a while so i brought it with me

T - ??? (wondering WTF?) you brought your cable modem with you?

c- yea i wanted internet accesss here so i brought it with me and it wont work. i know that (ISP) has service here so i figured i could get connected.

T - ( trying to keep from laughing) well thers a good reason for that..... your service it setup for your home. your cable modem will only really work when your at home. in your home state.

c- well how can i get it to work here?

T- well you could call the local cable companty and tell them that you would like service....

c- would there be a charge for that?

T - ( im not billing!) well id imagine so.. how long are you going to be in that area?

c- im gonna be here for 2 weeks...

T - did the military give you a dial up service?

c- yes.

T- I sujest you use that.

C- will i be able to checke my email?

T-once connect online, yes

C- how do i do that?

T-do you have a laptop or computer with you?

c-yes a laptop

T-same one you use at home?

C-yes

T-and you chcke your(isp) email on it?

C-yes

T-then once your connected it would be the same way you check at home.

youll be able to recive email but not send due to not being on the (isp) network

C oh okay.. how do i send mail then.

T well you have to have the outgoing email server for the dial up service..

c were to i get that?

T contact the military.. they will tell ya waht ya need.. and well as were to put the information...

C- Oh okay... 'click'

This is military inteligence at its finest....

Why ask before doing somthing?

Harm

I AM CANADIAN!

This happen few years ago, where I'm working as computer sales. I sold a unit to my uncle before i left the company. As the company provide 1 year on site service, I told my uncle to call them since they are the one who is responsible.

After 6 months, my uncle facing some problem with his display and called me. Apparently, he got a loose VGA connection which making the display in mono color. I told him to tighten the connection and everything back to normal. A few days later, he called me again and facing the same problem. I asked him did he tighten the connection? ( wrong question) As usual the answer is "Yes!1 i did what u told... " and keep on bla bla bla.. about how i should held responsible since i sold him the unit. So i asked him to call the company to send a tech guy.

He called.. the tech come.. playing with the few buttons on the monitor, display properties and even the anti virus. And the result, he told my uncle he got monitor is the problem and needed to take back to fix it. And that gonna cost. my uncle got shock and called me and relate the result to me. I on the other hand is stun... 1st of all.. im sure its the connection loose, second thing.. running antivirus doesnt do any good and what prompt him to run the test?... 3rd thing.. the monitor is suppose to hv 3 yrs warrantty.. what are the charges? I drove to my uncle house later that evening. tighten the connection and he got no more problem after that.

I am not working in tech support, but earn a living as a software developer for a major printer manufacturer. If you are 'in computers' however, you will always be asked to solve the computer related problems of anyone in your family, including their friends and friends friends.

Some time ago, a friend of my girlfriend asked me to help him 'fix his computer, cuz it did not work'. Not a problem, I'm glad to help and went over there. He had bought a brand new system, state of the art, Windows XP installed perfectly and in pristine state. His problem: the printer would not work. He had used the installation disk and installed the appropriate printer and it would print even a spot of ink on the paper. After some methodical trouble shooting (are the cables connected, is the power switched on) I found out that he had forgotten to remove the cover strips from the ink-cardridges... It seems that inkjet printers will refuse to work in that state.

*duh* Yet again, I was crowned the 'computer guy' and will probably be called for other 'difficult' problems.

I do NOT want to imagine how long it would have taken if I would have had to do this over the phone...

Sort of tech related. As part of my job running tech support at an accountant's office, I also have to sell computers, mainly to our clients. We don't mark our computers up very much, so there's not much wiggle room in our prices.

One day I get a call from a client wanting to buy a computer. We run through the components that he wants, and I give him the price on the system. He complains that the price is too high, and I encourage him to shop around. Our prices are very reasonable, but if the price is too high, we can start dropping or downgrading some of the components. He asks isn't there any way I could lower the price for him, even if he pays cash. "No, you have to pay cash, anyway. You're already getting the 'cash discount'." He says he'll get back to me later.

A few hours later, he calls back and says that he wants to buy three identical computers and could we offer him a discount on the systems. After talking to the boss, we lower the price on each system by $50 each. "I thought you couldn't lower the price!" he accuses. "Well, if you're ordering 3 systems, that lowers our shipping costs per system, we'll only have to make one trip to set them up, and I can probably talk our supplier into lowering the price if I order 3." Again, he says he'll get back to me later.

Late in the day, he calls back and only wants to order one system, but wants it at the lower price. "No, if you're only ordering one, the price is the original one I quoted the first time." "I gave our board of directors the lower price, and they approved it, and I expect you to honor it."

I put the guy on with the boss who just laughed in his face (something I was tempted to do). Turns out the guy and his company were deadbeats anyway, already owed us money and we had sent their account to a collections agency months before, so their business was not missed.

I know the readers of this board deal with hardware support questions but I my position is tech support for the company web app. Milky Code applies to any software writter that produces code that works on their machines only. No where else. To expand upon this definition we have a developer that writes code for our VB application that use Microsoft Word to produce documents so the customer can have a written report.

I recieve a call from a user who tells me that she is recieving an error from Word that says "Bookmark does not exist". So I debug the code to see where the error is occuring. To my suprise, I find the developer did not delete the bookmark through code, like most developers would, but he physically deleted the bookmark from the document!

When I confronted the developer on this he said it couldn't possibly be his fault, even though his initials are on the document templete. So I tell my boss.

To make a long story short the developer is now writting code to make sure the bookmarks cannot be deleted physically. Milky Code!!

I was supervising on a particularly slow day when a ticket came up from our phone guys. At first we thought it was some sort of practical joke. The name on the ticket was Hope Whim. On a hunch I typed on the username, and sure enough, her name was Hope Whim. We all busted out laughing, not only at the weird name, but also because of the problem description. Here it is:

" She bought a hard drive yesterday because her current was getting full. On a whim [hahahaha, pun intended], she tried to replace the old one with the one she purchased. Now she cannot get her computer to boot."

There's good news and bad news

The bad news is our Help Desk is limited to phone support and some walk-in support with laptops. We prmarily do networking and DUN support as well as things like floppy diskette recovery, but our bosses don't want to get into things like installing an OS, hardware, or doing anything that "intensive."

We proceeded to draw straws to see who would call her back, since 99.9% of the time, these people always bitch us out.

The good news is, when the guy who got the shortest straw called her, he let her know about what we could and couldn't do. She didn't complain about the fact we couldn't help her, and said she'd go to an actual tech shop to get it done.

Just goes to show, you can never give up Hope :)

I did support for a major computer manufacturer. We offered complete software and hardware support. This is a call I received from an end user, about the functionality of his modem.

Me: Thank you for calling __________ technical support, how may I help you today.

EU: I can't get on AOL. (extremely faint)

Me: Ok, has AOL been working up until this point? and could you please speak up, it seems we have a weak connection.

EU: Yes, AOL has worked fine, ever since I got the computer, it just won't connect tonight, my modem is bad, it won't dial.

Me: Ok, lets check some things.

(at this point, I take the end user through all the standard modem diagnostics, they all pass)

Me: well, it seems your modem is passing the diagnostics all ok, I would like you to try to dial please. (so I can see if modem accesses the phone line)

EU: It says no dialtone, and won't dial.

Me: Odd, I didn't hear it try to access the line, are we on the same line?

EU: No, I am on my cell phone.

(at this point I erroniously assumed the EU had SOME sort of a clue, and was calling on his cell phone so we could troubleshoot, and see what was happening. GOD was I an idiot for assuming that)

Me: Ok, well, since it's stating there is no dialtone, I want you to look where the phone line is plugged into the modem, to make sure it didn't come unplugged.

EU: That won't do any good.

Me: Pardon?

EU: That won't do any good.

Me: Why not? We need to check the connection, to see why it's not getting a dialtone.

EU: Well, why didn't you just ask, there is a Tornado and all the phone lines are down. Why the hell do you think I called you on my cell phone?

(Mutes the call and begins swearing that computers need a connection to the end user that tech support can shock the hell out of them with when they are stupid.)

Me: Well, don't you think you might not be able to get onto the internet if all the lines are down, due to a tornado?

EU: What does that have to do with my modem being bad?

Me: I think you need to take the computer back to the store where you bought it, and explain this to them, they should be able to help you.

God, aren't end users wonderful........

Kind of a long one, so bear with me.

I work as a supervisor and consultant for an ISP in a major University. I was supervising the night shift, and one of my consultants picked up one of the few tickets to come in on a very slow night. The ticket stated the client had Windows 2000, and our consultant made sure she was ready before doing battle. It also stated that he needed help with some sort of software installation on his computer, but wouldn't be more specific.

She calls up the client, and the client is a complete ID10T. Someone in his department wanted him to install some software on his computer, but didn't not tell him what the software was, what it did, nothing. She spent 10 minutes figuring out that the software was in fact Office 2K. Our policy is that because it's within his department and not ours, we can't do anything with helping him install. He insists, but we couldn't do much.

As if that wasn't enough, he wants to be walked through the DUN settings for our ISP. She does so, but hits a snag. Apparently the guy is blind and is unable to find the wizard for setting up the 2K dial up client. They go back and forth for 10 MORE minutes, after she actually puts him on hold, and lets out a scream of frustration. Turns out he couldn't find Networking and Dial Up Settings under the control panel either. At this point, the rest of us wondered if he even had Win 2K at all. She came back to him, and tried to have him right-click on My Computer to get to System Properties. Lo and behold, he doesn't know how to right click!. She has to teach him how to right click, and she finds out he has Windows 98 SE. His logic was that since he got it second hand in 2000, it must have Windows 2000, despite what the start up screen says. Apparently his logic requires some serious retuning...

Anyhow, she manages to get him all connected, after a laborious effort of taking little baby steps with him on the dial-up setup. Just for staying with it, I wrote her an extensive Excellent Work report.

This really isn't because of any particular incedent, but an accumulation of several that I've discovered over the years of being a computer n3rd.

Effectively half of the computer problems can be solved by two things: logic and reading comprehension. I'll offer several examples. Some of these can go in either one, but I put them where I thought they'd fit best.

LOGIC....

Why is it that people are unable to tell the difference between a single-click and a double-click, but are completely capable of telling the difference between a single shot and double shot of jagermeister....

Why do people not know what a right-click is? 99% of buttons for mice not made specifically for Macs have at least 2 buttons, one large one on the left, one large one on the right. Think about it.. These are some of the same people you drive on the highways and byways with...

Just because someone says so, doesn't always make it so. If a person says they're Abraham Lincoln, we think they're crazy. Why is it then there are so many people who claim to know about computers, but don't have the first clue about what the cup-holder's for? (pun intended) Some of us are actually trained to handle such situations.

And going on about the previous point, people are willing to charge an arm and a leg for something new, and also are willing to pay just as much, if not more so, to cover up for their own stupidity. Just look at people like Bill Gates. Besides, why do most techies rarely complain about money problems?

Do not proclaim you are a genius of technology to a person that actually knows about technology, especially if you were dumb enough to mess up your computer by spilling margarita mix on it...

Just because your connection to the Internet is down doesn't mean the whole Internet is down....

We're not the ones that don't know what a CD-ROM drive and a floppy drive are, so don't come drying to us when you found out that all you got was a cup-holder and a paper shredder..

If people know how to diffentiate five variable equations without blinking, and can disprove scientific theorems in their sleep, why is it they don't know the difference between a mouse and a keyboard....

When talking to a g33k, remember this addage. When we say RAM, we don't mean baaaaah!

READING COMPREHENSION

If all else fails, read the manual.....

If the computer is telling someone to to click on Next, and the only three buttons on the screen that can be clicked are "Back" "Next," and "Cancel," why do people still call us asking which one to push?

With Windows the way it's been virtually since the beginning, most people should know what OS they have. Why is it then that they still can't tell us the right one. Just look at your computer screen for a while after you press the Power button.

On that note... Pressing the big button labelled "Power" is usually the best way to turn your computer on.

Just because it says "Help Desk" doesn't mean we'll help you with any problem under the sun. If there is a word before "Help," I suggest you read it... (This one was from an incedent where we received e-mail from someone regarding, of all things, a problem with possums)

When the manual tells you to remain grounded during installing hardware, they're not talking about being humble.

Remember, over quota MEANS over quota....

These are just a few things I wanted to rant about. In case you're wondering, the remaining percentage of problems are too far and wide to be categorized efficiently. I will say this though. Yes, computers to require some inteligence to operate, but so long as people actually think, and have a decent reading ability, they should be just fine :) That and not messing with things they don't know about...

I work as a tech in a rather large network here in Norway. I am quite fortunate, since I do notb have to treat with customers, only employees.

However, stupidity is not missing from the users on this network.

A few common scenarios for your pleasure;

We ask them to reboot, and they...

* log off, and then on again

* yanks the powercord out of the wall

* powers on and off the monitor

* quits word

They forget their password, or don't change it when prompted, so they are locked out. We give them a new one, and they...

* need assistance (step by step or remote control) on setting a new password

* yell at us because we now know their password (the temporary one we give them)

* don't understand why they need passwords anyhow, and make a fuss out of that

Their system displays a message, and they...

* call us terrified of what they did wrong

* call us terrified of what WE did wrong

* attempts to read it to us over the phone in such a lousy way that we have to connect via remote control just to read the darn thing.

They state they cannot log on, but what REALLY happens is;

* XXXXXXX did not load

* they can't open a specific program

* they get a message from admin during boot, and think " press space to continue" means "Your network is down"

Users get one or another error message, and when we fix it for them, they keep us on the phone, or in their ofice not only to test if the particular function we fixed for them really is OK, but also to see if everything ELSE is OK. (a user can't log on, and ends up printing documents with me in her office, "just to check if the problem was fixed" Agh!

They start shouting when we use "advanced language" like;

* desktop

* keyboard

* mouse

* monitor

* Harddrive

* My Computer

* The Start button

* reboot

* shutdown

* Internet

* and even the word "type"

Sometimes, people from outside calls us, having heard "our IT consultants are sooooo smart" from some of the employees. (well, thanks for the flattery, but...) and want help with;

* Internet connections

* Virus infections

* Installs

* Hardware problems (can you get me a new monitor?)

* anything else which they find for good to ask.

Well... Lobotomy should be legalized again- honestly, I don't think anything happening to these users's heads will have any real effect.

Brain transplantation should be my next field of expertise. Seems most users need some of that ;)

Some of the calls we get never cease to amaze me...

I was working Tier 2, and received a call. Here's the conversation. Bear in mind, the lady I was talking to sounded almost exactly like Miss Cleo.

Me-M

Customer-C

M: May I help you?

C: Would you be so kind and remove de hex on my computer?

M: Excuse me?

C: My computer be hexed! Last night I could get into de internet and dis morning nothing

C: OK, let me see what I can do...

I proceed to check all her settings, and they were fine. I had her reboot on the chance it was something in the memory. It continued on back and forth for about 5 minutes. And then...

C: Does it make a difference if I tripped on de phone line last night?

M: It might. Did it stop working after that?

C: Yeah, my phone in dis room stop working too.

M: (lightbulb goes off) Check on the back of the computer and see if it's plugged in?

C: (Checks in back) It got ripped out in de back. Look like it torn!

M: In that case, I'd recommend getting a new phone cord as soon as possible.

Turns out, she had her phone connected to the modem which was, in turn connected to the jack with the phone cord she tripped over. She was using her cordless from another room. I nearly had to bust out a chicken, some rum, and my techie voodoo doll on this one.

I do tech support for a huge PC manufactuer (dude!). A few weeks ago, I got one of the best calls I've had the joy of recieving.

L=Me, D*** TSA

C=Caller

L: Welcome to D*** Dim**sion Tech Support, my name is Liz. May I have your name and service tag, please?

C: My name is Susan.

L: Great, Susan. Do you have your service tag?

C: My area code?

L: No, Susan. Your service tag. It's located on the back of your D*** on a white bar code, 5-7 characters long, alphanumeric.

C: My phone number?

L: No, Susan. Your SERVICE TAG. On the back of your COMPUTER.

C: I can give you my address.

L: [slamming my head on the keyboard] I need your service tag, Susan.

C: I don't have one of those.

L: Uh...do you own a D***, ma'am?

C: Why would I be calling if I didn't own a D***?!?!

L: Then you have a service tag. I need that number to access your system account.

C: I JUST SAID I DON'T HAVE A GODDAMN SERVICE TAG!

L: Did you look on the back of the PC, Susan?

C: NO, I'M NOT GOING TO EITHER! I JUST SAID I DIDN'T HAVE ONE!

L: I'm afraid I can't help you then, Susan. I must have your service tag.

C: LISTEN GODDAMIT YOU WILL HELP ME RIGHT NOW! RIGHT NOW!

L: Susan, please calm down.

C: I HAVE A TWO YEAR OLD HERE AND I'M NOT CRAWLING ON THE FLOOR AND LOOKING FOR A GODDAMN STICKER ON THIS GODDAMN PEICE OF %^&%!@! YOU $#@!@ PULL MY ACCOUNT UP SOME OTHER WAY!

L: Susan, please find your service tag.

C: MY PHONE NUMBER IS 813-XXX-XXXX. LOOK IT UP WITH MY PHONE NUMBER!

L: [click]

God, the joys of working for D***.

This one was short, but funny as hell...

Is there an outbox where you can see who you have sent messages to? And if there isn't why not? Also when is the next time we will have to update our passwords

Our e-mail system has three different pages similar in concept (and concept only) to Hotmail. Each one is vastly different from the other. I may not be Sherlock Holmes, but I can deduce that he may very well be using a program on his computer, like Outlook Express....

And they expect us to magically know what their talking about from these sorts of details....

At our Help Desk/PC Repair Company we hired a new guy that after about a week, started asking everyone if he could get a sound card installed in his PC, so he could have sound like everyone else. Our I.T. dept told him to hang on, as soon as they got one they would get it in there.

A couple of months go by and he is constantly complaining about not having sound and wanting a sound card installed...Then one day I.T. gives him one and lets him install it himself. After an hour of trying to get the drivers to load from the internet, he asked me for help. I went over and looked at the Device Manager and found an Unknown Device PCI device loaded with no Drivers. And also a Sound Blaster ESS Driver loaded in the Sounds/Video and Games Controller. He was on the floor trying all three holes on the Card as I played a Sound and nothing seemed to work.

I bent down to look at the Card and I Almost fell on the Floor laughing so hard, He asked me WTF and I asked him to plug it into the ONBOARD sound socket.....BLING theres sound.....

He had sound the whole time, but didnt think to check and see if there was onboard sound on his PC....

DOH!

Ron Horton aka. Darthron

Here's one of the worst CS calls I've ever taken:

T=me, C=Cust

T=Hello (the whole marketing spiel)

C=I just bought this new computer and the modem won't work.

T=(runs him through the normal modem troubleshooter)

C=(stopping me half-way) I bought it from K-mart. It was a blue light special so should I call K-mart?(a K-mart computer? What next?)

T=It shouldn't really matter where you bought it, what version of windows are you running?

C=Well I can't really tell you since my computer is all in peices on the carpet (DOH!) Do you guys have drivers?

Figures. Don't let this happen to you kids!

About 6 or 7 years ago, I bought my first PC. A Compaq Presario that came bundled with a bunch of other software. We ended up installing a second phone line as I was on the Internet so much, and one night I had a slight problem. I was sitting back watching TV, and surfing Usenet when I was kicked off my dial-up connection. I sat up and went to start up the connection again when I thought I heard something strange coming out of the computer. I turned down the TV, and turned up the speakers, and heard a conversation being spoken in Polish coming out of my speakers. I sat utterly stunned for a minute, and then picked up the phone. Sure enough there was a conversation in polish happening on my phone line. I attempted to talk to the people, but they could not understand english, and I could not understand polish. They ended up hanging up, and I called the phone company to complain about crossed lines, that's when the fun started.

4 times I called the phone company over a period of about 30 days to have them check the phone line. 4 times they asked if the junction box was inside or outside the house. 4 times I told them it was on the outside of the house, and that there was no reason for them to have to come into my house (I was installing phone lines for a living at the time, the second phone line was a home run from the junction box to the computer). 4 times they sent techs out who left a note on my door that stated they needed access to the basement. I should also mention that 4 times I was told I would not be liable for any calls I did not make.

At the end of the month, the phone bill comes, including $1700 in long distance calls to Warsaw, Poland, I was miffed to say the least. I call the phone company, they refer me to the long distance provider. I call the provider, they say it's out of their hands until the phone company admits it was a technical problem. I call the phone company back to explain this, and I'm told that in order to do this they will have to send a tech out for the 5th time. So I ask what happens if the tech cannot find a problem, as they've been out 4 times already and seem to believe the problem is in my house, when assuredly it wasn't. The woman on the other end at that point said "Well, you must know someone in Poland then". With smoke coming out of my ears, my BP up about 30 points, and my face as red as a beet, I ask to speak to her manager.

At that point her tone changed, and she wanted to know if her supervisor could call me back, and I responded absolutely not, I wanted to talk to someone right then & there. Her boss was unavailable for at least 15 minutes, and she couldn't answer any other calls if I was on hold. Since there was nothing I could really do, I told her OK. The supervisor did call me back 15 minutes later. I explained the problem, and the responses I received from their techs, and the support person (I never got her name - too ticked off to ask). She put me on hold and looked up the service record. It turns out the trunk line for the area was spliced in the basement of an apartment building close by, and this is where they needed to go to fix the problem, and were having trouble getting access. She asked if they could switch my line over to another pair (different circuit), to which I responded "Please do". They fixed it the next day, and no problems since. They also removed the $1700 long distance charges and all local charges that weren't to my ISP.

Still wish I could have seen my face the moment I heard polish coming from the speakers. There was some kind of answering machine software that tried to pick up on the Compaq when my connection went down. In retrospect it would have been a great problem to call Compaq tech support with. "I'm trying to connect to the Internet and all I get is polish coming out of the speakers..."

I do tech support for ELK(you figure it out) for about 4 months now and here is my first TTY call it lastsfor 1 hour and 15 mins. Not to top that, but the computer was in the other room. But this call made me start to appreciate my job.

As the call started to go through this guy started to complain about the operator and she read it off to me how she "was not typing and/or spelling correctly. At least doing tech we can talk back to the EU and defend what we say, all she could do is read what the EU was saying.

I'm glad I can talk back to the EU, it makes my job more enjoyable to see them wither in defeat. Happy Teching!!

One sentence should say it all:

"What way is the asterisk slanted?"

(insert opening spiel)

Me: "For verification purposes, can I get the last 2 characters of your password?"

Him: "NO!!! I DO NOT GIVE THAT OUT TO ANYBODY!!!"

Me: "Ok, how about your telephone number that we have on record?"

Him: Gives me correct info.

Me: "So what can I help you with today?"

Him: "I can't pull up my start page" (we offer personalized start pages. he was using ours.)

Me: Start walking him through how to clear temp files/cookies from inside of IE

Him: "Are we clearing out my cache and cookies?"

Me: "Yes, sir, we are"

Him: "That's illegal!!! You shouldn't be deleting people's files like that!!! They're very important files!!! If you delete them, I won't be able to get into my email!!! I wan't to talk to a supervisor!!!"

The funny thing is that he was using Outlook Express for his email. Go figure, eh?

I take customer service calls as part of a recall for a brand of dehumidifiers that can spontaneously combust. When folks call our number, they have to wade through several minutes of automated menus ("Press 1 for this, press 2 for that...") before they finally get to a live person.

Enter yours truly. I used to work in radio, and I've developed a very precise speaking voice... a little too precise, it seems. At least once a day, I take a call that goes something like this.

ME: Thank you for calling Brand A. This is Vince. Are you calling about a Brand A, Brand B, or Brand C dehumidifier?

[pause]

CUSTOMER: Is this a real person?

ME: No, sir, this is an alien from Neptune, and my cohorts and I have captured this call center as part of our plot to conquer the world.

(Okay, okay, I don't really say that, but it'd be fun to...)

But the really fun calls are the ones where I read my opening script... and the customer responds to me by pressing 1 on their phone. That's when the mute button comes in handy. ;)

Maybe I need to start speaking in a thick Southern drawl or something just so people don't mistake me for a computer...

I quote from a forum that I read thats made up mostly of experienced computer users. I have never seen such a dumb question in my life.

I have a ms internet keyboard pro. It has 2 usb ports but nothing work when i plug something in them. Could be because i have the keyboard plugged in the ps2 port and not the usb slot?

Thanks in advance

Of course you don't need to plug in the USB connector. Just like you can plug in your phone's power but not the RJ-11 jack and still have it get a dial tone.

Earlier tonight, a gentleman calls in and starts of on this longwinded speech abot his dial-up woes. Basically, he was having trouble with his MSN internet access, and was downloading something to help him with Eudora. At first, I wondered why on earth he was calling us, but he mentioned he had an account with us he used on occasion to dial up.

I asked him how he connected to dial up, and he went into another longwinded speech. As if the first speech wasn't bad enough, this was a definite clue he LOVED to talk. I told him to go through his normal procedure and to use our account instead to dial in. I got off the line with him (he only had one line) and called him back 10 minutes later. Here's where the confusion began.....

I asked him what he did, and he said he went through his normal procedure to get online, and when it asked him which dial up service he wanted to use, he stopped. He then said he couldn't view any webpages. I don't think i needed to know the very last part to realize his problem. He then went on and on about how he didn't want to use our service, since he didn't want to charge us for his dial up time. At this point, I mentally screamed my head off.

Let me tell you why..

Our system allocates $100 a month to every account in the system, for every person to use as they see fit. This is a dollar amount in name only. Let me emphasize that every person who has such an account, even the lowliest incoming freshman to this University gets this amount, and they can use it as they see fit in or outside of any work environment. Any time above they can pay. The thing is, in the three and a half years I've worked here, only twice have people paid for any time above what they were allocated, and those charges were minimal. This guy said "it wasn't satisfactory" and he wanted to use both our account and MSN. Apparently, he was such an ID10T, that I actually had him remove his MSN account. I finally did manage to get him connected with our account, he then complained about the "scratchy noise" coming from his computer. He apparently failed to comprehend that the modem makes noises when it negotiates a dial up connection. Again, I tried to explain, but did he listen.... Nope, he just went on about how it was unacceptable. I informed him that everything was working perfectly, and I was not the person to talk to about his opinion. I was actually expecting him to ask who it was, but he just hung up..

I guess some people hate to follow instructions.....

This is a story I heard from one of our engineers recently. A lady in administration complained about her keyboard, saying that very often spaces would be typed without her using the keyboard. Thinking about a locked key, the engineer went and checked the keyboard. He found nothing, so he replaced the whole keyboard. But still the problem existed. So the engineer went back to see what else could be the reason.

Now this lady had quite a large chest and also she didn’t see too well. Whenever she had to check on the screen she leaned a little towards it, thereby touching the space key with her bust and causing the spaces being typed.

I used to work for an international helpdesk that handled all IT calls for a big multinational.

Having a large call volume makes for guaranteed laughs caused by moronic behaviour. One of the funniest cases we had to handle was not involving a person though. A user called saying he couldn’t connect to the network. So we went through the motions, checking his authorisation etc. etc.. After having him check the cables we still hadn’t found the cause and a specialist had to go and check on the spot. He couldn’t find anything either and spent quite some time using different cables, checking the outlet, going through the hub and what not. In a desperate last attempt he checked the network outlet, again, and now found the cause of the problem: a tiny spider had nestled itself in the outlet!

I used to work for a helpdesk where frequently we would deal with SAP issues, 90% of which were simple password reset calls.

After my initial training, much too soon (in my view) there was my first day.

Sure enough, after a while a lady called to have her SAP password reset. I proceeded to give the user a new password and have her try it out. The password didn't work. I reset it again, same problem. Now this lady worked at an airport and was under quite a bit of stress as this was during the most busy time of day. So by this time she was on the verge of tears, with me trying to comfort her while scratching my head, trying to figure out what the hell was wrong. After about 5 or 6 attempts I got my supervisor to help me.

It turned out that I did something wrong in the confirming process of the password reset, which cancelled it instead of confirming.

So this time I gave the lady a password and it worked. She told me she was so grateful and that I was such a nice tech (which made me a bit uneasy, as you can imagine) and even offered me to pay her a visit if ever I would be in the country/city where she lived. I never did. I don't think I'd have the nerve to show up there and take credit for my "assistance".

Needless to say, my password reset routine (and other skills) improved rapidly after that, and I managed to keep my customer's eyes dry from then on.

Took the following phone call after selling a PC to a new user.

Him: (shouting) You ##$%@^ing sold me a piece of crap! This #$@#@%ing computer is #$@#*&ing useless!

Me: Sorry, what seems to be the problem?

Him: (still shouting) IT DOESN'T #$@#ING WORK!

Me: Okay, can you tell me what is happening when your turn on the power?

Him: (yep... you guessed it...) NOTHING HAPPENS! THIS @#^@#ING THING IS A @#@#@ING PILE OF CRAP! YOU SOLD ME A PIECE OF @#@#!!!

Me: Sorry, sir, it was working fine when I tested it this morning, before you picked it up. Can you describe exactly what you're seeing when you turn on the power for the computer and monitor?

Him: NOTHING HAPPENS!!! NO LIGHTS, NO SOUNDS, NOTHING!

Me: Okay, then, can we perhaps check your connections? Is the cable from the monitor connected to the computer's video card connector?

Him: YES!!

Me: All right, then how about the power cable for the computer? Is it firmly inserted into the wall socket?

Him: YES!!!!! (shouting a little louder now...)

Me: And lastly, the power cable from the monitor... is it also firmly in the wall socket?

Him: Power cable? (almost a whisper... followed by sounds of him fiddling with something...)

Me: Sir?

Him: Uh... than(click)

Ten years later, I still shake my head at that one...

I've worked for 3 years now in the Tech Support dept of a wireless phone company.

Part of my job description is to process the trouble tickets filed when other Techs are stumped by customer's problems and issues. I thought you might enjoy some of our postings from the "Wall of Shame"

Comments:

"Customer can't make calls, can receive fine, but gets no dial-tone for outgoing..."

(this is from another TECH?!?!)

Comments:

"Customer can't get signal when he goes sailing. Loses signal approx 20 miles off coast..."

Comments:

"Phone doesn't work. Displays CAR when baby is sucking on it..." (umm, whatever happened to teething toys?)

And my ALL TIME favorite..

Comments:

"Beep, Beep, Beep, then Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz!"

(yes, that was the only thing we had to go on..)

Me: Thanks for calling Cable Modem Support, Verify and ect. How can I help you?

Him: I cannot access my mail. Me: Can you access the Internet?

Him: Yes.

Me: Ok, Sir, We will check your mail settings, Can you open your Outlook Express?

Him: No, I uninstalled it because I did not know what it was.

Me: Thinking "Mr. brainiac here", Sir, Why would you uninstall it?

Him: I wanted to clean up my computer of stupid programs I never use.

Me: Thinking "Maybe you should have removed the user from it as well", Sir,

You need to reinstall Outlook Express to access your mail.

Him: Why? Can't I use my AOL account to access my ISP mail?

(referring to the company I work for).

Me: Sorry, Sir, You cannot setup your AOL Mail to do that.

Him: Why, I know about the internet and I know it can be done.

Me: Thinking "Then why are you calling me?". Sir, You can however use our webbased mail.

Him: No, I want all the mail to appear in my AOL Mail box and not any place else.

Me: Sir, You are able to forward all mail to your AOL one if you want.

Him: No, I want to configure it so I can just hit the mail icon on AOL and get

all my mail. Me: Sir, You cannot do that without setting up the mail forwarding then.

Him: Yes, I can, Don't tell me what I can and cannot do. Me: Sorry sir. Can you do me a favor?

Him: Yes Me: Can you go to (I sent him to the support site)

Him: I am there

Me: Can you select the Support link then select Mail options Him: Yes

Me: Log in now please and select Mail forwarding Him: Yes

Me: Now can you enter in your AOL e-mail address now then please.

Him: Yes Me: Thanks.

Him: Now what?

Me: Select Save. and your all set.

Him: What do you mean?

Me: We just set it up so all your mail will now go to your AOL E-mail.

Him: Really? Me: Yes. Him: How? Me: Thinking "$hit"

Him: I told you we did not have to do anything to set this up.

Me: Your right sir, Anything else I can do for you tonight?

Him: Nope.

Me: Closing

i was one normal day at a major cable internet service provider when this kid called he wanted help in using his new computer on the broadband service and i informed him that he had to unplug his cable modem form his power supply to renew the ip adress and his mom get on the line she is furious and she wants to know why she should unplug the modem she had her friend that is a tech tell her that the ip adress should not change and she wanted to know wy i was lying she said that he had set the ip on her old pc as static and she did not have any problems while she was yelling to the top of her lungs i reset her ip adress which was already dynamic and he he no need to set it in dynamic well she hung up and 20 min later the tech beside me got a call form the same lady and she coud not get online and was furious and for some reson she wanted to speak with my sup and after that i never knew what happened to that lady

A day in my life

I do systems support for a mid sized travel company that I wont name.

One time I get a call around 10ish from one of the sales girls down stairs. She said that all morning she has not been able to get into her system. She claimed to have tried everything and was completely stuck. I go down stairs to investigate and it takes me 3 seconds to notice that her PC is not plugged into the wall.

I say “Hmm it looks like someone has unplugged your PC and has plugged this radio in instead.”

The girl sitting next to her says “Oh yea I did that while working back last night”

What gets me is that she said that she had tried everything, but what did she do for that hour and how the hell didn’t the girl next to her put 2 and 2 together and say “Maybe its because I unplugged it “ ???????

user “I need more memory”

me “Why”

user “Well my screen is black”

me “huh? Maybe you have a faulty monitor”

user “nah I need more memory”

swap monitor and it works fine

I have a friend who did a computer course and aced it with straight As. Baring that in mind he should be really good right , wrong.

He tells me that he has a new game Jedi Outcast installed on his computer that I made for him 2 weeks previous.

I say “Cool can I have a copy of that game ?”

“Yea no prob” he says

He then proceeds to attempt to burn a copy from his hard drive using the files that he has installed.

I say “No I am going to need the original CD to install it”

“You sure?” he says

“Errr yup I can pretty much guarantee it”

“Well I’m going to have to take your word for it”

Same friend …………

He wants to get on the internet so he buys a modem.

The next day I get a call from him ..

“I have been up all night trying to get my modem to work. I have tried everything and I’m stuck”

I go around there in the morning and put in the install disk click install and it workd first time.

He says “ Oh that’s how you do it”

Did I mention that he got straight A in his computer course.

I went to a friends house about a year ago and his dad was on the computer.

He is clicking away when explorer crashes. Something along the lines of illegal operation will close now

He says “damb.” Then leans over and unplugs it from the wall.

Jezus I’m thinking he then goes and plugs it back in.

I suggest “Ya know when it crashes like that you can restrart it the normal way, at least you wont get that scan disk thing every time.

It turns out that he never shuts down properly he just unplugs it. Sad sad man.

When I was going to school working on getting my computer diploma I worked part time as a courier.

One day I get a call over the radio from head office he says

“You better get a pen and write this one down. Goto to Joe’s computer store (not real name) and pick up a p3800cpu what ever the hell that is”

I pause for a bit to write that down

“So did you get that 102 ?(my driver number)”

“Roger that a Pentium 3 800 megahertz processor”

“What ????”

One of the guys who works here complained that his printer doesn’t work anymore.

He brings it in so I can look at it. I turn it on and it makes 3 beeps and the light starts to flash orange. After a little trouble shooting I decide to call tech support. The tech support guy says that when the printer does that it means that it need a new print head. I take the printer to the guy and point to the print head and say ,” Youll need to get a new one. Or maybe you could try cleaning it you’ve got nothing to loose”

“Well that when the problem started” he says

“Huh”

“Well I decided to give it a service by washing the print head with water”

“Yea buy a new one wanker”

I was walking through the office one morning while people were logging in when I noticed a peculiarity. This girl logged into here pc and a warning came up on the screen.

It said “Vet has detected a virus on your computer and is not able to cure it so it will be guaranteed.”

She hits ok and continues to log in.

I walk over and said “What ? how long has it been doing that”

“Oh a few months now”

“Why did you never mention it?”

“I didn’t think it was important” she replies

if I come across any more I’ll write in

bye

I work internal support for my company, which means I look after the in-house computers and users. One day one of the customer support team (Those looking after the customers and their computers) phoned me to say he was having trouble with his network connection with his laptop.

The conversation went thus...

Him: I can't connect to my network drives

Me: When did this start happening?

Him: When I came in this morning, it worked fine yesterday

Me: Is your network cable plugged in?

Him: I checked that. It wasn't but it is now and I still can't map drives.

As we all know 9/10 windows problems can be (at leat temporarily) solved bu re-booting the machine, and networking is especially ropey under 95 (which my user was using). So....

Me: Have you re-booted the computer since plugging the cable in?

Him: I knew you would say that

Me: Eh?

Him: You IT guys always tell us to reboot the computer

Me: ....because it normally solves the problem! Have you tried doing it?

Him: Well - No

Me: OK then, Try Re-booting it and if that doesn't work ring me back and I'll pop up to your office and investigate the problem further.

Him: OK

[Hangs Up]

If he knew that I would suggest a reboot, why didn't he try it? I suspect he doesn't like rebooting because his machine is very slow because of the mounds of rubbish he has installed/uninstalled on it.

Some people!

Oh - I bumped into him later that day and it did solve his problem. What a surprise!

I worked for a major DSL Tech Helpdesk in the UK. A coworker had been on a call for some time, & was having to use a raised (but calm) voice to make himself understood. We monitored the call to see what was taking so long to fix. The user he was speaking to didn't have a very good grasp of English, but both were trying their best to help each other out. The Tech was trying to get the user to ping his NAT'd router -

T-Tech

U-User

T:Ok, are you in DOS now?

U:.....yes!

T:Ok, type "ping 192.xxx.xxx.xxx", & press "enter"

Pause, as user return to phone.

T:Is there a reply from the router?

U:It says an "Unknown Commando"

T:Commando? Could you spell out what you have just typed in please?

U:P I N K [space] 1 9 2.......

I'm often messaged by many people and asked for help. One of them wrote me at icq:

XY: Hi, can you help me with my cell phone account registration?

ME: Yes, of course. What do you want to know?

XY: Here's a form. It's asking for many things...

ME: Ok, so fill them

XY: Hey, what I should write here? It says "Your e-mail:" Help!

ME: write there your email

XY: Ah so,ok - thanks

I work with an older woman (we'll call her Sally) who is a nice person, but who will never be considered the sharpest knife in the drawer. She is able to do some things on the computer, but only after a lot of repetition. Once she gets a routine down -- if that routine is changed, she becomes very confused & has no clue as to what to do next.

Example: the printer Sally normally uses is a quirky little thing that was bought on sale (proving the saying that you get what you pay for.) She still has not come to terms with most of its quirks & they tend to throw her into a tizzy when they happen.

The other day, I noticed that Sally had opened the front panel of the printer. And was staring into it -- I guess she was expecting the printer "genie" to tell her what was wrong. Finally, she asks me if I think the "thingie" is broken. I tell her -- "I have no idea which 'thingie' you're talking about. You'll need to be more specific."

Sally's reply -- "you know. The 'thingie' that I take out & shake." Oh, THAT 'thingie.'

Keep in mind -- somewhere in the not too distant past -- Sally was informed that she could make toner cartridges last a little longer by taking them out of the printer & shaking them slightly to redistribute any remaining toner. Now, EVERY time there's ANY problem with the printer -- her one & only response is to take the toner cartridge out & shake it. Sigh.

I pointed out that the toner cartridge is BRAND NEW. It has only been in the printer a couple of days. It had been printing OK only moments earlier so, no, it should not be broken. That no action should be taken involving the toner cartridge.

As I'm saying this -- I can see the words going in one of Sally's ears & coming out the other. They do not slow down at any time in this process. So I'm not surprised when Sally says, "Oh." Pauses. Then turns to the printer, reaches in, removes the toner cartridge & starts to shake it.

I restrained myself from shaking Sally until her teeth rattled. Instead I said (with much exasperation), "STOP THAT! It will not accomplish ANYTHING." Sally stops & puts the toner cartridge back into the printer. She then says -- "but it's not printing along one edge of the paper." This is one of the printer's many intermittent quirks. Dealing with this in the past -- we've found that the easiest way to correct the problem is to turn the printer off, let it sit for a few seconds & turn it back on. Sally has witnessed this process. It obviously made NO impression on her whatsoever. I tell her to turn the printer off....etc. She does & the problem goes away.

I have a headache from banging my head on the desk.

I have a client whom I enjoy working with because she's actually pretty nice to me, and when she isn't, she apologizes later. So here's the story:

I was about an hour away from Sylvia by car when she called me, telling me that she could not access the Internet. She actually meant the Web, because when I asked her if she could recieve email, the answer was "yes".

WhenI got there, I could immediately see the problem. A couple of weeks prior, I had installed Zonealarm on Windows 2K pro. A Zonealarm "bubble" had popped up, asking if "Services and Applications manager"(srvices.exe) could access the internet. All Sylvia had to do was click "remember this the next time Zonealarm asks" and "yes" and she would have been on her way. But noooooo.....

I'm billing her full charge for the ten minutes work. I like people, really i do. It's USERS I can't stand.

This call was quick and sort of funny. I work for an ISP.

A customer called up one night and started saying that our server is down and wanted us to fix it immediately. Our servers were all up and running so I asked the customer what error he is getting so that I know exactly how to help him. The customer replied that the error says Go to hell. I asked him if that is the exact error message that he is getting and he just hung up.

What a looser.

I'm a Technical Support Engineer for a big call center that does support for a major Internet Provider in the States. I had this call last month.

Me: Thank you for calling *** Technical Support my name is Andrei, How may I help you.

Customer: Yes, I have problems connecting to the internet. Ever since I stuck that disk in my modem I was not able to connect properly and my modem does not seem to work properly anymore. It's making that funny sound every time I try to turn it on.

Me:???????You stuck a disk in you modem?Where Exactly in your modem did you put the disk in?

Customer: In the middle part, where there is a hole to put the disk in.

Me: There is a hole in your modem to put a disk in?

Customer: Yes!

Me:Maam, where is your modem right now?does it have lights on it?

Customer: Yah, there is a hole in my modem and there are lights on it. And my modem is on the floor right now by the way.

Me: Your modem is on the floor?????????????????

THEN IT HIT ME SUDDENLY. SHE WAS NOT TALKING ABOUT HER MODEM! SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT HER COMPUTERS C.P.U., I EVENTUALLY REFERRED HER TO HER COMPUTER MANUFACTURER FOR SUPPORT. BUT I JUST WISH THEY WILL ISSUE LICENCES TO USERS WHO BUY COMPUTERS!

Ok this guy had to be drunk!

"Sir, can you tell me what lights are on your cable modem?"

cajun:

"I doe'nt noe whatchoo talkin bout!"

me:

"Sir, the cable modem that you got from us"

cajun:

"Mayum, I DOE'NT NOE WHATCHOO TALKIN BOUT!! GD$*@#^!!"

me:

"Ok sir, look on your desk or under your desk for the black box with the lights that you got from us"

mute button "@#@%@# drunk customer!"

unmute

me:

"Ok sir, did you find the box?"

cajun:

"yeah I found it"

me:

"Ok, tell me what lights are on the cable modem"

cajun:

"thar's 3 of them and one of them is flashing!"

me:

"Ok good. Tell me how many cables are connected to the back of the cable modem"

cajun:

"MAYUM I DOE'NT NOE WUTT YOO TALKIN BOUT!!!"

me:

mute button - "sunnova @#*$&*@#&$ drunk cajun!"

unmute

"Ok sir, are there 3 or 4 cords on the back of the cable modem?"

cajun:

"I doe'nt noe wutt you TALKIN ABOUT!! GDMF $*&#!!"

me:

mute button - ROFLMAO!!

unmute

"Ok sir, one cord should be small - that's the power cord..."

cajun:

"yeah, ok... holdup ...yeah there is the power cord and the cable cord coming from the wall..."

me:

"ok Sir, the next cord... does it look like a large telephone chord?"

cajun:

"yeah unh huh, that there too"

me:

"ok Sir - that is 1,2,3 cords!"

lol - I finally realized the guy couldn't COUNT!!!

40 minute call from hell to finally fix all his problems, and he DEMANDED that I also fix his Windows errors!

me:

"I'm sorry sir, you'll have to call Microsoft for support on that issue"

cajun:

"NO MAYUM!!! YOU **WILL** hep me fix this GD!@#$!! COMPUTER"

me:

mute button - "ok, I've HAD it with this guy LOL"

unmute

"Are there any other services I can help you with today?"

cajun with his tail between his legs now:

"no"

me:

"ok sir, thank you for calling __________. You have a great day!"

phew!

speakers were invented around what 90 years ago or longer? I dont know anyone from age 3-125 that doesnt know what a speaker is, however I met my match tonight.

I am a computer technician for a nationwide High Speed Data company. It was a boring night until I received this call.

Me: *** Technical support, this is *****, How can i help you?

Cst: I cant get online and i want you to fix it.

Me: Ok well let me get your phone number and I'll bring up your account. (i spend a minute getting information and verifying account)

Me: ok mam, What type of cable modem do you have?

Cst: Its the one you gave me.

Me: We use many different types of modems, what does it say on your Cable Modem?

Cst: It says Boston Acoustic Speaker Model # 6076

Me: Mam, that is a speaker for your computer or stereo.

Cst: thats what it says. It has one light on it that says power.

Me: Mam again that is a speaker.

Cst: What is a speaker?

Me: (shaking my head at her stupidness) That is what creates sound for a radio or for your computer. Its just like speakers in your car where you listen to music.

Cst: Radio? Whats that?

Me: (getting frustrated) Mam look for a small blue box.

Cst: This is the only thing i have here and your guy who set it up for me and it has the word subwoofer on it. Therefore it is your cable modem which you set up.

Me: Mam that is a subwoofer speaker used to create sound. The deep bass that is heard from drums. (im checking the previous calls for this idiot by now and i see that she called 2 hours earlier and has a trouble call for tomorrow at no charge)

Cst: Im telling you that is my cable modem.

Me: Mam that is NOT a cable modem that is a subwoofer. I also see you called 2 hours ago and the tech set up a tech to come out and fix your problem.

Cst: Your being very rude to me and i dont appreciate it

Me: Mam I am here to help you but you are totally unable to recognize the difference between a subwoofer speaker which is clearly labeled and a cable modem. How can i fix the problem if you dont even know where to locate the correct item. The tech that set up the appt tomorrow set it up incorrectly. He should of set it up with a charge of $49.95 because of the lack of troubleshooting you are unable to do over the phone and since we are unable to verify that this is a problem on our side or your side. I will leave the trouble call for tomorrow but be aware that I am going to put notes in stating that we were unable to t/s and the tech might charge you for this if he find the problem exists on your side.

Cst: I dont appreciate your tone of voice

Me: and i dont appreciate yours. (click)

I checked on the account a few days later and the Tech that went out had her purchase a Brand new modem from us for a high price (probably to teach her a lesson) and people still talk about the crazy lady who insisted that a subwoofer is the same thing as a cable modem...

Calls comes in at 11:30 PM.At this stage the customer had been waiting more than 30 minutes to talk to a tech.

Me Welcome to **** your speaking with....

Cust I'm getting damm sick of your service, if I don't get connected the next time I try I'll cancel may account and sic my lawyer on you.

Ok sir can you please [Click]

Hint if you have a problem at least let us START to help you

I just came across this site about the same time I received the most hilarious e-mail from one of our network administrators. Here’s the background:

I work for the State in a certain division. We have headquarters, where some of the techs work out of, and we have field offices, I work in one of them. Regardless of the rules and regulations set up by headquarters, the field offices have to be somewhat autonomous. If there’s a problem, if the network is down or any number of things happen so work grinds to a halt, we have to act quickly and usually don’t double check with HQ that what we’re doing is kosher, partly because it takes at least 4-5 weeks for anybody up there to answer a SINGLE QUESTION. (Example: Can I network this printer?...4 weeks later..."yes, you can"). Here’s the exchange between me and Satan the Administrator at HQ (keep in mind he's 69 and I'm 22, so there's a bit of tension about who knows more about this-and-that):

Satan,

Do you have any idea why port 5900 on xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx was suddenly

blocked around 2:00pm yesterday? xx from xx was working

on the database on this computer remotely via VNC (which uses

port 5900) yesterday up until he could no longer connect at that time. I can connect fine within our network, but like xxx I could not from the xxx, so all signs point to our router or something farther upstream. Do you have any ideas?

Thanks, M

M-,

I am unaware of any blockages being put into effect. Also it would not

be on a specific IP address (Satan shows vast network knowledge with this comment). However, that said, it is not authorized for outside users to connect to internal resources without permission or coordination and that comes from HQ. This must stop immediately.

field office must coordinate access and requirements with HQ before granting unauthorized access to state personnel.

-Satan

(I write to head of tech at HQ asking for permission to set up remote access, and CC Satan, I also ask who else in HQ I can contact to figure out why the port was blocked, as Satan apparently does not know what is going on)

M-,

you do not need to contact anybody I believe xxx has

previously asked you to communicate wuth me prior to taking action.

I will let you know if any further action is needed to block or

unblock anything. I will also evaluate needs and provide

appropriate action. Cease and desist any futher action until contacted

by me.

(Hope you found this entertaining)

This is abit OT but never mind, I work for an ISP in the UK,

Fact:

I'm not a British citizen, I've been living here less than 3 months

English is not my native tongue (Norwegian is)

My tale:

C: Customer

M: Me

M: Thank You For calling ***, Sindre Speaking (pronounced S-i-n-duh-rr-e)

C: Hello andrew, I cant use the internet (really, must be us then ;)

[I'm verifying the users details]

M: Is it a connection problem ..?

C: My web page doesnt work

M: Checks the customers web-page, works fine

C: Not it's not....

M: [frustrated] what browser are you using ?

C: Outlook Express

M: [FREAKS] I tell the Customer to open Internet Exp.

C: It's open now....

M: So you see the address bar...

C: Yes

M: Can you type http://www.myhost.com there (I am at this point spelling it you)

C: What's a colon ?

M: I hit the mute button, and start to laugh in disbelief.

[resume the call]

M: explains what a colon is......

C: Oh that one, well my site is coming up but it's not the one I want.

this was the first 15 minutes of the call

after 25 minutes I found out that he was trying to

upload an updated site. The call went on for 45,

I then Escalated the case to my tech manager

if our customers represent an average of linguistic skills on this island,

I would think that foreigners speak english far better than most of the UK's

population. Obviusly this is not always the case.

/eof

When DSL first came out to the mass public, the mp local ISP thought it would be the latest great boom for their wallets. So of course they implemented it much like everyone else in the US, without having anyone with a good working knowledge of it.

I was happy to have been "selected" to be in the Beta phase of its release. Things were going really well until about the 3rd week I had it, I had no connectivity to outside the ISP cloud (Internet).

Being a 3rd tier engineer has its advantages, so I did a little research and found they had a routing loop in their network that would cause my traffic to bounce back and forth until the TTL expired. So I called tech support...

M = Me

T = Them

---

T = Thanks for calling ********* technical support, my name is joe tech, how can I help you?

M = Hi Joe, I am unable to reach the Internet, looks like you have a routing loop in your network.. The 2 routes I am bouncing off of are x.x.x.x & x.x.x.x.

T = I'm sorry, can you repeat that?

M = Sure, I have good connectivity within the bellsouth network but all of my traffic is getting bounced between two routers until it expires.

T = Ummm....

T = Have you tried rebooting?

M = (At this point, I understand he is only a 1st lvl tech)

M = Well, I can but that will not fix the problem, its in your network.

T = Please go ahead and reboot your modem and PC..

M = Sure... (time passes as I reboot)

M = Its still there Joe, the two addresses are x.x.x.x & x.x.x.x.

T = Ok, lets try renewing your IP address...

M = Didn't I do that by rebooting?

T = Ummm...

M = Can I speak with a 2nd tier tech?

T = Ummm.... You have to renew your IP address to fix this...

M = OK Joe, it will not fix the problem though. Its not my computer that is the issue.

M = (Releasing and renewing my address)

M = Ok, I now have a different IP address, but that smae problem exists. No one on this subnet is going to be able to access the Internet, can I talk to a Tier 2 tech please?

T = What OS are you using?

M = W2KPro

T = I'm sorry, we don't support that OS yet. We can't help you.

M = I understand, but this is not an OS or computer problem, you have an issue within your network. A 2nd lvl tech will understand what I am talking about, can I speak with him?

T = I'm sorry, he will not be able to support you with that OS.

M = Why does it matter what OS I have when the problem is in your network?

T = Is ther anything else I can do to help you today?

M = Yes, you can send me to a 2nd lvl tech.

T = I'm sorry, I cannot do that unless you have a supported operating system.

M = (At this point, I am really considering asking what beauty school he went to learn about computers, but I re-double my efforts)

M = Ok Joe, basically what I am telling you is that YOU have a problem on YOUR network that is affecting your customers. This problem exists in your core network and not on my system.

T = I can't verify that until I run through my checklist sir.

M = Ok Joe, do this... What is your e-mail address?

T = its joe.tech@tech.com

M = ok, check your mail.. Print the e-mail from me out and hand it to your 2nd tier. (I sent the traceroute shoing the routing loop)

T = ok, hold on please...

--

For god's sakes.. I know everyone posting on this board has had awful user experiences, but I think its worse when you run into a tech who refuses to use a little common sense.

By the way, I got a months free service for finding and calling on the routing loop. I guess it does pay to be a nice guy sometimes...

As a tier 1 tech for the Sony corp a few years ago I was astonded by the call I got from a lawyer one afternoon. He was irate and asked right away to speak to a supervisor..His complaint was that he bought this so called super system and couldn't fax anything from it. I talked him through all the regular set up procedures for faxing from teh computer, He tells me he has done this several times and is tired of holding the paper up to the monitor if it is not going to fax this paper!

One Saturday night when calls were few and far between a caller beeped in on my line. After taking his info for the account I asked him his problem. I was doing tech support for a a cable company's high speed cable Internet connections. That was it. We assured connections, our email, and little else. The caller tells me...

"I downloaded a game from a site and now I can't get it to load."

I explained what I said above pointing out that some random website and the game not working on his computer were beyond what we did.

"Oh come on! You're the only guys I pay for tech support, he lamented.

I again explained it wasn't what we did and said there was nothing I could do. I told him to email the webmaster.

I WISH I could have SAID, "Okay! That polite remark convinced me. Let me get out my "Big Book of every website in the World (complete with tech specs for his computer)."

As a network administrator I at times help friends out with computer problems that they may. My wifes friend calls me one day and says her PC is doing all sorts of strange things. After she tells me all the syptoms, I come to the conclusion that she may have picked up on of those nasty viruses going around. I ask her to run Virus Scan and call me back when it's done.

When she calls back she tells me it didn't find any thing. So I proceed to question her of her virus protection software. She tells me, I ask her the Version and realize, it's two years old. When I asked her if she has regularly checked for updates and or down loaded new virus deinitons from their website she replied "I kept getting these pop-ups about that but I figured that since I already had the software, I wouldn't need any more."

(My eyes are know rolling in my head)

So I pack up my gear and go over to her home. After about two and a half hours of upgrading her virus software and scanning the hard drives everything worked perfectly.

But here is the Icing on the cake!

Two days later she calls me and says that she thinks she knew where the virus came from. She got an email from a friend that had the same virus, (She thinks.) in which case she said she took the liberty of forwarding it to me in case I wanted to look at it. YOWIE, WOMAN ARE YOU NUTS! is what I wanted to say. But I just thanked her, hung up and deleted all email from her for two weeks afterward with out even reading it.

And if this has any bearing on the story, Yes, she is a blonde!

Hi All,

I work for an ISP doing tech support, and this is one of my funnier tales.....

M=me

C=customer

M:good morning blah blah blah.........

C:my internet aren't working blah blah blah

(so, I proceed to do some routine check on his computer)

M:can you go into "My Computer" please?

C:why would I want to go into your computer?

(but wait, there is more)

M:(about 5 seconds of silences)no sir, not "my" computer, look on the top left hand corner of your screen,

do you see an icon there which looks like a computer, called "My computer"?

C: yes.......

M:now, double click on it

C:ok

M:what do you have in there?

C:"Display the contents of your computer"

M:sir, you're not clicking on the right place, place the mouse pointer over the computer icon and quickly

left click tiwce,now what do you see?

C:"Display the contents of your computer"

(repeat the above three times)

M:ok, let's try it another way, right click on the icon and choose "open".

C:there is no open

M:ok, what do you have then?

C:Active desktop, arrange icons.........

M:sir, please place your mouse pointer over the computer icon, I meant, place the arrow

inside the computer icon, then right click, and choose open.

C:Active desktop, arrange icons.........

(repeat the above three times)

M:sir, I think your computer is broken, please contact your dealer for warranty

C:but it was working fine before

M:I have no idea why, please contact the dealer for warranty

C:...........

I do telephone tech support for a very large software company in Redmond, WA. I do 24x7 support for my team, so my voicemail (which gives my name, title, and employer) offers the option to page me. One morning, my pager went off with an urgent message on voicemail. When I retrieved the message, the caaler addressed me as Cheryl, and went on to explain that she would not be enrolling her child in daycare after all, and expecred her deposit back. The call (which never mentioned the caller's name) concluded with "you my number--please call me back."

I suspect someone is not getting a refund....

My parents recently called and asked me to help them get rid of a virus. Dad said, "I don't care how much it costs, just fix it." Sure no problem...

Me: Okay mom, what makes you think there's a virus?

Mom: Virus, that's your word not mine.

*Ugh*

Me: Okay...what makes you think something's wrong with the computer?

Mom: There are ghosts.

*Ghosts? Yikes, looking on the monitor I don't see any ghosts...*

Me: Can you be more specific?

Mom: Whenever I try to use it, it tells me I have a virus. It just pops up all by itself.

*could internet pop-ups be her ghosts?*

Me: Does this happen only when you're on the internet?

Mom: No. All the time. About every half hour.

Me: Have you installed anything lately?

Mom: I don't know, everybody else uses the computer. It's not my fault.

Problem: Someone had downloaded a program that had an advertisement packaged w/ it. It was basically an internet pop-up that ran even if you weren't connected to the internet. A quick uninstall and the ghosts were gone...for the time being.

Very next day she calls me to say that the ghost had stolen her start bar. (either that or my baby brother had minimized it)

Not too techie, but computer stupidity none the less...

Unfortunately, due to the fact I've done Computer studies for two years, and written some pretty rubbish games in VB, I'm now recognised as the family PC man. However, when I recently had to sign up for Car Insurance (first car!) I had to go out to play skittles, so my parents filled in the forms online.

Due to insulting behavior by many of the team to the sticker-up (a low paid prat who picks up the pins during the game), he quit, and we didn't know if we had one for tonight. As I walked out the door, my parents, still filling in the forms, yelled "If you want your sister to stick up, give us a ring." I got all the way to the pub and on the phone before I figured this one out.

i handle tier 1 dial up issues for a major isp. our entire customer base is located in nine of the states that lost the cival war. i got this call in the first hour of my shift:

me: intro speech

cust: i wanna cancel

me: well maam what seems to be the problem

cust: i am tired of you people harrassing me

me: i am sorry about that maam, is there anything i can do to help, if you could tell me specifically what is happening maybe i can help (i figured it was spam, or mail admin error messages...we get alot of those calls)

cust: i know you have a guy working there making my computer tell me what to do

me: i am sorry maam, can you explain in a little more detail

cust: i know that you have a man in a little dark room making things pop up on my computer trying to make me buy things and change my religion

me: are windows popping up when you are on webpages that advertise things

cust: yes and i know that you have someone watching everything i do and typing in those windows

me: alright maam did you write down everything those windows say

cust:no

me: well here is what we are going to do, we are going to get off the phone. after that you are going to connect and write everything down that pops up, after that you will call back in and demand to speak to the guy who makes the screens pop up.

customer thanked me very much and said she would call back

I was stopped in the corridor by an irate user that said that her PC was not working as hard as it should be. She was saying that she was paying good money for the thing and that it was not working hard, and that she was a busy person... yada yada yada....

Turns out that she had found the task manager utility (on a windoze PC) and the CPU utilisation was only sitting between 2 to 10%.

She wanted the PC to work harder, and said that if the PC was utilised to 100% that she would get her work done 10 to 50 times faster.

I said that I would look at it and get back to her... !

Tech Support: May I help you? What is your problem?

Me: I Tell him what is going on.

Tech Support: Click on tools.

Me: I don't have tools on the menu bar.

Tech: Are you on a browser.

Me: Yes. But I don't have a tools on the bar.

Tech: What do you have?

Me: Home, e-mail, favorites, online Contacts, etc.

Tech: You should have tools.????

Me:?????? I don't have it.

We went on, he tried so hard to help me, but was unable to.

I'm on msn and this page doen't have a tool bar.

I kept telling my friends about my problem. Finally Someone realized I needed to connect to Enternet Explorer.(A TOOL BAR!) It works great and I can do the things I wanted to do. MAYBE THEY AREN'T ON A BROUSER, AND THINK THEY ARE. Dictionary anyone?

I just want to SAY THANKS to all those Tech Supporters out there for their patients with those of us that don't know what we are talking about (we just may not understand what you are asking for, or how to answer you). I'm getting better!

by CRASH

Well. Users and their ideas...

Here's a call I had the other day

It was a bad day, so I had no real patience left in me, much less politeness.

(names and product names masked or removed)

Me; Helpdesk, how may I help you?

Her; I canot open my mail account.

Me; Are you getting any error messages?

Her; yes, it sais [coninues in extremely bad english] "Cannot connect to the server". Yeah that's it.

Me; (mailaccount? Yeah right) Does it say anything else, further down?

Her; Oh, now you're asking hard. It sais (long pause) it sais it cannot be reached. Why can't I open my e-mail?

Me; (ungh) OK, can you see your desktop? You'll see an icon there labelled "***". Can you open that?

Her; Desktop? You can't use such technical terms with me, mister. I am not an expert!

Me; (No kidding!) Ok, can you see "My computer" there?

Her; No. That's at home, do I need that at work??

me; (don't know what to do, laugh or cry, I do nither.) OK, have you opened anything on your computer, or is it exactly as it was when you entered windows?

Her; I'm not in windows, shall I enter it? Do tyou want me to type things down?

Me; Oh, no ma'am, not Word, windows. That is what opens up when you first start your computer..

her; interrupts - but I got an error message when my computer booted

Me; Do you see a colored background on your screen, with icons, small pictures to the left, or do you see something else?

Her; Yes, why is that so ugly green? It is usually blue!

Me; Nevermind that, ma'am, what you are looking at now, tha background color, where those icons are, that is your desktop.

her; Oh...

Me; Do you see the icon looking like ****, named ****?

Her; Sure.

me; Can you open that, please?

her; sure. (waits) Oh, there it is again, the same message.

Me; What did you open now, ma'am?

Her; Oh, I opened ####.

Me; Ma'am, that is wrong. Can you close that message please, and open the icon labelled ****?

Her; Sure (opens the same object she just did), but the error message is still there!

Me; Ma'am, that is the wrong icon. Do you see an icon looking like ****, named *****?

her; yes.

me; Can you drag your mouse so that the arrow is above that image, please?

her; done.

me; Now, can you dubleclick it?

her; Sure. (opens the correct one)

Me, Now, in the window you just gt up in front of you, do you see two pictures labelled ***** and *****?

Her; Yes.

me; Ok, right click **** please.

This call goes on and on and on.about an hour later, I did not manage to help her fix it, so one of us has to go out there, and set a few simple IPs correct. This darn lady could not even understand how to type in a few numbers.

I know I should not be negative and all that- but this call made me grumpy for the rest of the day. Right after it, I got one which was almost as bad. Can you believe it, when I asked which room she was in, she actually got afraid and wondered what in a computer was a room, and how to find out which one she had... AGHHH!!!!!

I am desperately wanting a second line support job. And I would like to get one before I start hating "regular" people. ;)

When I was in school I was one of the students recruited to sit in the library computer lab and help students with computer problems. Here are a couple of the problems that came up while working (If you can call it that).

>From another student.

A woman came in and sat down at one of the old apple computers with the 5 1/4 floppies. Yes at the time when I was in colledge we still had some left. She inserts her disk and commences to type her paper. Everything goes really great. She finishes her paper prints it out and the teacher required the students to turn in a copy of the paper on disk. So she saves it to the disk (Remember 5 1/4) takes the printed paper and grabs the disk from the computer and tries to put the disk in her pocket. OOPS it does fit. She looks at it and then foldes it up so it does fit in her pocket. OOOUUUCCCHHH. Of course this is not the end. A couple hours later she comes back and wants the disk fixed so she can hand it in. Guess what????

Another one was one that I had. We had a macintosh lab. In this lab was one computer with a hard drive. All the others (About 40) had two 3 1/2 drives and no hard drives. A chinese gentle man comes in, (He had not had a whole lot of experience with computers) For his class assignment he had to run a program on one disk and store the results on the other disk. Now remember the one and only computer with the hard drive. He was sitting at this computer and for those that remember (some drives still have these) there is a small hole where you can put a paper clip in and manually eject the disk from the drive. Well he was tring to eject the hard drive so he could put in his floppy. Try and explain this to someone whose english is not real good. I did feel sorry for him and just had him move over one computer.

Many other tales and so little time. I am now working for a small counsulting firm and am the primary contact for the help desk.

I'm not a *real* tech support person, but I'm the most comp-savvy person in my house which means that I get all the complaints. My mom does enough printing that she has her own printer. It's getting old and routinely has paper jams, which I always have to fix. It's always the same problem each time: my mom didn't load the paper properly so it was eaten up. I've have shown her time and time again how to fix it and she seemed to finally be getting the hang of it. Then I hear her yell my name. Apparently she fixed the paper jam but the printer still won't print. So I do the usual thing: check that it's plugged in and on, open it up, check the paper, and whatnot. It turns out that after she took the ink cartidge out to remove the offending paper she forgot to put it back in! I found it behind her computer a few minutes later and explained patiently that what she takes out should go back in. Then I went back upstairs and took the frustration out on my punching bag. I've worn out three just this year.

I work for a Canada-wide ISP and just answered this call. I changed the PIN in the story to something else...

M = me

C = caller

M - Hello, you have reached *******, this is Mike speaking, how may I help you?

C - Hello, I need my PIN number.

M - Sorry, your PIN number?

C - Yes it stopped working.

M - Ok, what do you mean exactly by PIN number?

C - Well, it was restricted, so customer service gave me a new one, and now it doesn't work either.

M - (not sure what he's talking about) I can transfer you through to CS if you want and they can see why it's not working if you want.

C - No! I just waited a whole hour there... I want you to give me a new PIN now.

M - Ok.....

M - Do you type this PIN after your username?

C - What is a username?

M - ~mmmh!!

M - Ok, what is your password? (to verify his identity with the id tool)

C - Rock, in numeric form, its 7625.

M - !

M - Numeric form...?

C - You know, all the numbers have letters...?

M - [you fu@king moron!] Ah... do you mean on the phone?

C - Yes.

It turned out he was typing his internet username and password into the phone using the touchtone letters to try to connect to the internet. We still don't know how it worked for him before they restricted the account!

let me begin by saying, i have now experienced conversing with (by far) the DUMBEST human being alive.

i do tech support for a major isp. to use our software, you have to have a nic card in your computer. simple, you say? apparantly not.

i have never hung up on anyone who has called me, difficult as it is, i have restrained. until now.

this woman spent (not kidding) 45 minutes taking apart her 'tower' to her computer...in those 45 minutes, she kept asking if i was sure this was supposed to come apart. i assured her it was. making sure she was fidgeting with the right thing, i ask what it says on it, if it was the part of the pc with the cdrom drive, the pwr button...she tells me it says hp, gives me a model number. we continue the feat of taking apart this 'tower'...

like i said, 45 minutes have passed, we have the 'tower' apart, looking for a pci slot. none. she keeps referring to the cord...she can see where the phone plugs in, where the power button is...FINALLY i realize this is the SURGE PROTECTOR! THIS WOMAN HAS TAKEN 45 MINUTES OF MY TIME TO TAKE APART A SURGE PROTECTOR!

i tell her that we have taken apart the wrong part (really, who takes apart a surge protector?), and that this device is not part of her computer. she then has the nerve to question my intelligence. i think that was the last straw. i did however get the womans tower open, the nic installed, but the computer didnt recognize it. told her to switch pci slots, and gave up. my friend got her next. i had a cigarette.

i didnt think anyone was this stupid. once again, you try to make your software id10t proof, and they make bigger and better id10ts.