Funny and Humorous Technical Support Tales and Stories

I work for an internet support company and get many calls throughout the day. One call in particular i found quite amusing!

This customer was using the now, old fashioned dial up internet and was experiencing dropped connections. After teching the PC i then instructed the customer to 'simply' hang up and try the connection.

The conversation goes as follows:

M: Me C: Customer

M: OK, id like you to hang up and give that a try.

C: Hang up?

M: Yes, hang up on me

C: So you want me to turn off the computer?

M: No, put the phone down on me and try it

<customer puts telephone on chair still on the line>

C: OK, done that

M: No, i didnt mean putting the phone down on the chair

C: Then what do you mean?

M: I mean put the telephone on the base

<customer still didnt have a clue on how to terminate the call>

I then hung up myself on the customer

im currently a tech and been using pc' for over ten years an the net since we could get 28k,

this happened when i was with the big service provider AOL and had regular unable to connect and drop outs and assorted problems mostly there end but not acording to them,

so i couldnt get online tried the usual then dialed there dialin number from a handset only to get an engaged tone,

(ME)calling isp , i cant get online your number is engaged when will it be in service?,

(isp)lets try some modem init string that should help

(ME) but the line is engaged how will init strings help?

(isp) we need to put do this so your service will work

(me) how do init strings fix an engaged signal?

(isp) we need to put do this so your service will work.

(me) but can you tell me when the line wont be engaged?

(isp) init strings

(me)click( bash head against wall

i quickly gave up on there support all they ever wanted to do was give new init strings which can have some value sometimes but it wont fixe everything

NOW before i begin this maybe i should have worded some things differently but essentially what this is about is simple enough. Everyone remember when you could use multiple dial up modems to connect to the internet and have a higher connection speed? well this is like that except with cable, i'm a MCSA and did not know if this were possible or not so i contacted my ISP to find out, here is how it played out.

Online Chat Support:

Status: Analyst STPIACAR is here and your issue status is: working Problem:just need to know about more than 1

cable connection being used for the same system (double my connection in other words) can it be done>? user

fiery_kestral has entered room

analyst STPIACAR has entered room

STPIACAR> Welcome to Cox High Speed Internet Service Online Technical Support.

STPIACAR> Hi

fiery_kestral> Hi

fiery_kestral> I have an account with Cox and just wanted to know if i can double my connection by adding a

second line if you will.

STPIACAR> I understand that you want to connect two computer to your cable modem.

STPIACAR> Am I correct?}

fiery_kestral> No 1 system to two seperate lines

fiery_kestral> double my connection speed.

STPIACAR> However, Cox provides some useful links to help you configure your second computer, please click the

link below for more details at:

http://support.cox.com/sdccommon/asp/contentredirect.asp?sprt_cid=db10e81e-59fd-4d86-95ed-969504d08399

STPIACAR> Were you able to open this link?

fiery_kestral> I can do multiple computers

STPIACAR> Unfortunately, Cox Technical Support Department does not provide assistance to home networks that were

not installed by Cox.

fiery_kestral> i need to know about 1 or 2 computers using two lines of a cable connection

STPIACAR> I recommend that you contact your local department so that you can obtain further information whether

our home networking service is available in your area at:

fiery_kestral> like this take 2 cable connections

STPIACAR> http://www.cox.com/support/arkansas/contactsup/

fiery_kestral> and put them together and then connecting 1 PC to mentioned new connection

STPIACAR> Did you open that link I was send you.

STPIACAR> You need to use a router.

fiery_kestral> I know how to use multiple computers on 1 connection

fiery_kestral> i want to know if Cox allows multiple connections for 1 machine

fiery_kestral> what i am trying to get across is this, in businesses you may take two T-1 lines and have those

two T-1 lines as your internet connection. I want to know if I can do the same with CHSI connections

STPIACAR> I have checked your services and you do not have Cox home network, reason why I am not autorized to

support this issue. However, you will need some information that It will help you to set up your home network,

please review the following Web sites listed below.

Setting up a router can be found at:

http://www.cox.com/HR/help/hsi/router.asp

fiery_kestral> You are incorrect sir

fiery_kestral> i do indeed have a cox home network

fiery_kestral> if your checking via my email address then that is why you do not show

fiery_kestral> i have not even bothered to finish messing with that as i use my yahoo email account

fiery_kestral> I can provide you with my name with which you could see that i do have an account though. And then

perhaps answer the question i am asking

STPIACAR> You can use until 3 computer in your home networking.

STPIACAR> You need to have home networking.

fiery_kestral> i can use up to 3 computers in my home network? is that what you mean?

fiery_kestral> i have a home network

fiery_kestral> im a MCSA just so you know

fiery_kestral> i am versed in networking

fiery_kestral> i need information not about SETTING up a home network

fiery_kestral> but about using multiple cable connections much the same as some places use a T-1

STPIACAR> In this moment I can not verify your account because my tools is down.

STPIACAR> However, Cox provides some useful links to help you configure your second computer, please click the

link below for more details at:

http://support.cox.com/sdccommon/asp/contentredirect.asp?sprt_cid=db10e81e-59fd-4d86-95ed-969504d08399

STPIACAR> Please access this link to set up your home networking.

fiery_kestral> So you can't answer a simple yes or no question? Look Im sorry but come on. All i need to know is

YES or NO can COX use multiple connections to create a greater upload and download speed for your home network. I

know how to set up a network, i know how to admin one. Your not giving me the information i need.

STPIACAR> Were you able to open this link?

fiery_kestral> I dont need the link.

STPIACAR> Yes Cox use multiple connection.

fiery_kestral> So What i need to know is this

STPIACAR> You can use multiple connection.

fiery_kestral> CAN I have more than 1 Cox connection in my home set-up to work together to double my up and down

speeds with 1 device

STPIACAR> Yes you can.

fiery_kestral> So now

fiery_kestral> what do i need to do with COX to get this set up for me?

STPIACAR> In order to have more information you need to call your local office.

fiery_kestral> So you are now saying that YES i can have multiple connections set up to act as 1

fiery_kestral> so that in this i may have two 4 meg connections to now give me a total of 8 megs correct?

analyst STPIACAR has been temporarily disconnected. Please wait while the analyst attempts to reconnect.

We are experiencing higher than usual service times. Please wait and an analyst will be with you shortly.

analyst STPIACAR has entered room

fiery_kestral> well welcome back

STPIACAR> Do you want to have one higher connection in you home from one computer?

STPIACAR> Only one connection for one computer.

fiery_kestral> no i have the highest connection you offer

fiery_kestral> i want to have two of THOSE working as 1 connection

fiery_kestral> you know like you could do back when with the modem on dial up

fiery_kestral> two seperate lines that worked with each other

fiery_kestral> to create 1 faster connection

STPIACAR> Only you have one type of connection in your computer.

fiery_kestral> wow we gotta work on communications here

fiery_kestral> i know that i have 1 connection right now

STPIACAR> If you want to have better connection you need to upgrade you connection.

fiery_kestral> what i am trying to convey here is using multiple CHSI connections to create a faster connectino

fiery_kestral> i cant upgrade my connection as i have the highest you offer

STPIACAR> In order to upgrade your connection you need to call at your local office

STPIACAR> Is there anything else I can help you with today?

fiery_kestral> no i dont think so

fiery_kestral> ill handle it myself

I used to work in a hospital in the IS department. I had actually started as an operator on the same type of NCR mainframe I had worked 5 years on in my previous job. At the time, they had dumb terminals that were attached to the mainframe and some pc's running terminal emulation. Eventually, they migrated to a server/pc based network that most are familiar with. Along with that many of us moved up to network/pc support roles and every one of us was self taught. If we didn't know how to do something we learned. Even our network analyst learned networking from the Bay Networks guys who installed the network and he had started 20 years before as a keypunch operator. This was before there were a lot of certifications (that we knew about anyway) and those of us who came up through those ranks still don't put much stock in any certification. We were good at what we did, period. Anyway given those circumstances, there was little we hadn't seen and in a 700-800 pc network plus 200-300 in satellite offices we had no shortage of calls, especially stupid ones.

This actually happened to a newer tech who really didn't have much experience but he was pretty good. I don't remember what the call had said, but it was one of those where he wasn't quite sure what was happening. So he went to investigate. The lady who had called was complaining her mouse was making noise. She demonstrated this to him by clicking the mouse and complaining that the mouse CLICKED too loudly. I suppose some mice do click a little louder than others but we had never had a complaint like that. The kicker was that she asked him to turn down the volume on it! He told her there was no way to do that and walked away laughing. As long as I had been here I don't think I'd had one that dumb.

This tech was later fired for bouncing another tech off the wall. A shame really as we had all wanted to bounce that particular tech off the wall many times.

Well, since I posted about the mouse clicking too loudly and mentioned that the tech involved had bounce another tech off the wall, I figured I'd relate the story of the nightmare tech from hell.

Our IS tech group was full. That's not to say we couldn't have used some help but as far as there being any open positions, we had none. That is until one of the administrators who happens to be a doctor decided his son needed a job. Then, guess what? We suddenly had an opening. Gotta love corporate politics and nepotism. Now admittedly some of the guys held this against him. I did not and neither did a couple other guys. After all, it wasn't his fault that his dad pushed him on us. I figured give the guy a chance.

First day. I work second shift. I came in to find one of our very best and CALMEST technicians at his wit's end. He's so mad he can barely speak. I asked him what was wrong. He said, "This new guy is useless. I'm going to kill him." I said, "Man, it's just his first day. He can't be that bad." He said, "You wait and see."

Well that was Monday. He was scheduled to work with me on Thursday and Friday on seconds so he could get an idea of what I do. Well I found out very quickly how right the guy on days was about him. He wouldn't listen to me, constantly interrupted me and he kept getting ahead of me doing things he wasn't supposed to be doing. At the time we were doing Y2K upgrades on all the old machines. If there wasn't a BIOS update for the particular pc, we had a TSR program that loaded every time it booted to take care of the issue. So that's what he was doing with me that night. Every machine he sat down at he felt compelled to change desktop settings, colors, remove icons, run scandisks and defrags (on machines where a defrag literally would take 5 hours to run) and basically doing everything I told him not to do. The guy was a complete idiot on top of it and the only computer experience he had to speak of was screwing up his own computer by doing things he had read in PC Magazine. After two days I was so stressed I couldn't stand it and I was ready to EXPLODE! Of course, I apologized to the day shift guy who basically said, "I warned you."

I have not met to this day another human being more aggravating than this individual. Everything he touched he screwed up. He wound up working days thank God but the days guys were relentless with them. They were the type to screw with people till they were in tears. I am the type who, if I have a problem with someone, I tell them which was something I did with him on a regular basis. I took pity on him for a while to be honest because his only real problem was he had NO social skills. He was very sheltered and said really off the wall things he thought were funny and was very inappropriate at times. The other guys hated him to the point where they would not let him have a pc. I wound up letting him use mine for a while. That is until I came in one day and he had downloaded every Microsoft update there was (some of which actually made things worse at the time which is why they weren't on there in the first place), installed Quicktime which I despise, and just basically screwed the whole thing up. I went off on him. I'm very territorial in that situation. That was my workspace, my desk, and for all intents and purposes, my pc. I refused to let him touch it from that point on and wound up having to reload it to fix it. He finally got his own because the supervisor told the other guys to quit being mean to him (even though he hated the guy) and they launched into other things like writing a small virus and storing it on the main server. Then they put it in his login script to run every time he booted and it would wipe out his system files. He would reload his system but since the virus was stored on the server it would keep happening. Of course, he never caught onto it because he didn't belong in that job in the first place. And they also ocassionally edited the login script so it was only an intermittent problem. As I said, I honestly thought they were immature for it, but it became awfully hard to feel sorry for the guy.

As time went on, I tolerated him, but almost without fail I would come in and he wouldn't have done something he was supposed to have done on days because he was busy screwing around. Then I would have to do it. Or he'd have 4 or 5 calls backed up (that had been waiting hours) because he went on a call and began a defrag and SAT THERE while it ran effectively making the user's day completely unproductive and not fixing the problem anyway. Meanwhile I had to catch up all his calls that he let back up. Anyone else would have been fired for the things he did,but being the son of a hospital admin kind of ruled that out.

Anyway, I could go on and on, but suffice it to say the tech I mentioned in my previous story had had enough of this guy and bounced him off the wall one day. It was probably the fact that the idiot called the guy "lazy and worthless" and everyone's got their breaking point. It's also probably a good idea to remember if you're 5' 6" tall and weigh 130 lbs not to mouth off to the guy who's 6' 2" and weighs 230. While I don't condone violence in the workplace at all, we all took quite a bit of satisfaction in the fact that he finally got what was coming to him. It did however leave us without a really good tech who knew he was fired as soon as he did it. Just remember there are techs out there who think they know everything and they don't which is obvious by the number of stories on here relating to bad techs.

Since I have started reading this site again, my memory on so many tales has been jogged. I'm gonna keep submitting them till they won't let me anymore. :-)

I worked in a hospital in the IS department. Now at the time our network was first spec'd out and installed I was a lowly mainframe operator so I wasn't even aware of what was going on at the time. They bought Bay Networks equipment and had either Bay people or their contractors install everything. The smart thing they did is put in enough rack mounted switches throughout the whole building and campus for future expansion. Of course, we eventually overwhelmed this anyway, but they were thinking ahead. The wrong thing they did is the router. It was a WAN router not designed for the kind of traffic it would see in the next few years. I can only think that Bay Networks would not have sold them that on purpose but that it was a financial decision made by the powers that control the money.

Cut to 2001. Fifteen different network switches on the network, each of which had 192 ports available on them. In each network closet there was at LEAST one separate Netgear hub plugged in so we could get networked printers on those and free up ports for pc's. One closet had 5 of them. We were overboard big time. Also, we were out of IP addresses. In their infinite wisdom, they had purchased a pool of public IP addresses to use. Probably close to 1000 of them. Public addresses. Meaning my pc on my desk had an ip that was unique in the world. So did every other pc and printer. We had just begun to get things on DHCP. Of course, by this time they had hired a brilliant network engineer (and by brilliant, I mean if it had a microchip in it, he could probably tell you everything about it, he was that good) and he had been on them about the router for a long time. They wouldn't budge and spend the money. Then, one night, disaster...

It puked. Big time. Crashed. Retired. It had enough. We were down for three days. The engineer was actually happy about it because he finally got the equipment he had been begging for. We were down for 3 days. It was a nightmare. So one day the helpdesk handed the phone to me. I was just standing around since there wasn't much I could do. I wasn't the network engineer although I did go help as much as possible without being in the way. So I take the phone from the poor, exasperated help desk girl and it's the director of Pharmacy services on the phone. He says, rather politely, that he knows we have the network down, but could we please bring it up for him briefly because he needs to do something on it. I couldn't even speak. This had been going on for a couple days and it wasn't as if we didn't let people know that it was a catastrophic failure. I then tried as calmly as I could to explain to him that this wasn't something we chose to do and that everyone had been informed of that. I wanted to go and punch him in the face for even calling. I know this is a long way to go for this story, but the whole network ugliness is a story in and of itself too. I'll have more of these trust me.

When working at the hospital, if I would get a call where they used the wrong terminology or were completely misunderstanding of the situation, I would try and explain things to them. As far as I was concerned it was my job to help them understand better what they were using and maybe avoid a future call about the same problem. Of course, this took hold about 1% of the time as you can imagine. We had a whole bunch of health care related applications but the 2 biggies were the patient care system where all orders were entered and the medical records system that allowed doctors to electronically review charts and sign them. If the patient care system were down, the helpdesk phones would ring off the hook obviously. If the other system were down, we'd get calls but depending on what time of day it was, we may not.

It never failed that when the network was down, we'd get calls asking how long the application would be down. I always tried to correct them saying that it was up and running even though the network was down. Of course, they didn't really ever see the difference. And network downtime was usually restricted to a switch reboot anyway so it only affected part of the users. Of course that generated that calls like, "They can use it on first floor, why can't I?" even though we had made an overhead announcement.

So one time they were updating the router config. This meant the whole network would be down. So they decided while it was down, there were some upgrades that needed done on the two main apps anyway so they'd take those servers down as well to do the upgrades. It was really kind of a moot point, but they planned this downtime and distributed emails to everyone in the list 3 or 4 days ahead of time with reminder after reminder.

I happened to grab the phone during this time and it was a doctor cussing me up one side and down the other. Saying it's always down, blah, blah, blah. I reminded him that it had been a scheduled downtime and of course he said he was never made aware of it all the while cussing at me and demanding to speak to the person responsible. Well the person responsible was, at the time, in mess because it wasn't going as planned and I wasn't about to let him speak to him at that point. I could also feel my face getting really red because I was pretty ticked off by this point. So I bluntly told the doctor that if I transferred him to the network admin, all he was gonna do was yell at him for 10 minutes and that was 10 minutes longer the network would be down (the app was back up by that point, but useless without the network) and said again that it had been scheduled and he should have known. He finally hung up on me and I started spewing a few choice words myself.

Well, the network admin thanked me for it after the network was back up and my boss told me next time someone, even a doctor, cusses at me on the phone to hang up on them. The hospital has a policy that if docs don't get on the app and sign their charts in a certain period of time, they lose their admitting privileges to the hospital. Of course, this was this doctor's problem. He had let them pile up and he was set to lose his admitting privileges the next day. His fault, not ours. I challenge any poster on here to present me with a worse user to try and support than a pompous doctor.

As I've said on previous posts, I learned everything I know on the job and on the fly. I've pretty much figured out most things for myself out of necessity. When I started working at the hospital, I was a mainframe operator, but we also answered the phone for support calls usually due to a dumb terminal locked out of the mainframe because they had typed the wrong password in three times. We did at the time, however, already have our network that along with application servers, would eventually take the place of everything the mainframes did. This being the case we did have one Netware server and everyone who had a pc (which wasn't many at the time) had a Netware login and in their login script it mapped the F: and J: drives to certain folders on this file server. Some users had more access than others and some mapped to more drives, but every login mapped those drives. This was the case the entire time I worked there long after the mainframes were a memory and we had Windows 2000 servers chugging along. We still had that Netware server (well it was different hardware) and those logins remained constant.

Nevertheless, on almost a daily basis, I got a call from someone saying "My J: drive is not there". Well at first, I had a very rudimentary knowledge of networks myself but I had put together the very simple concept that it requires logging into the network in order for the drives to be mapped. Considering the typical user equates any kind of computing knowledge to something in the realm of sorcery, this was obviously not the case for them. You can skip a Netware login if you want, at least you could in those days. So that's what they often did and then wondered why they couldn't see those drives. And what always killed me was the statement, "Well I never had to do that before and they were there!" Yeah, right. There's no shame in admitting you don't understand the concept of network drives, but lying about it just makes you look like an ass!

I do phone tech support for a large computer company. The other day a woman called me complaining that her wireless internet would intermittently disconnect. I check to see that she was in fact connected to her network and not her neighbors; she told me she could not see her network on the list.

I asked her what her network name was and had her try to locate it but the computer had no idea there was a wireless router in her apartment. So after performing a reset with no luck, a hard reset with no luck, and finally a factory reset with no luck I asked her to unplug her Ethernet cable from the modem and plug that end into the computer, after plugging the coax cable back in and explaining I wanted the cable that looked like a large phone wire we got the computer to recognize the router over the wire.

After setting everything up and going back into wireless mode it disappeared again. At this point I was over an hour into the call when she starts to cut in and out on her phone, banging my head on the desk I ask her what kind of phone she has Cordless is it a 2.5 Ghz phone Let me check, Yes ARGH!

I am sorry to inform you but the problem all this time has been that the phone you are using to talk to me is disrupting your WiFi connection

I work at an IT help desk, and i recieved a work request for the recoring of doors on a hangar. Calling the customer back, i asked him to elaborate, and that we weren't quite sure what this had to do with computers.

He replied, "Oh, you guys don't handle that? I was looking on the website and saw "work request", and that was work, so I figured I should do that.

At this point, I directed him to the proper facility to handle his request, and before i got off the phone, my coworker interjected, "We don't do doors...we only do Windows!"

I took a call from a customer that had recieved his "modem kit" in the mail. He was reading the packing slip and was concerned that he didnt get all of the items shipped.He told me the part number and I looked at the "kit" we send out and I saw six items in the kit. His packing slip says 7 items. He was getting rather frustrated that he didnt recieve all of the parts. With the parts he did get I got him online and surfing. Still wanting everything he paid for he was wanting his 7th item. I placed the customer on hold and went to the Supervisor and asked what this was. Now on the call for over 45 minutes and both of us very frustrated I found out the 7th item is the actuall box that the kit was shipped in. Telling this to the customer he says thats stupid and it cant be the box. I asked him to look on the flaps of the box for the part number. He saw nothing. I asked his to look on the bottom of the box and there she was in a font large enough to see from another city from end to end on the box "BSUB77908".

Tech support DJ,

Dj Stephen LaCroix

First a bit of background. I was moving registrars from Enom to Moniker. Enom was supposed to keep the zone records alive for at least two weeks after the move. They did not. So my clients sites all went down for a day.

I then managed to get the zone records set up at the new registrar. Went to a particular clients site and nothing. One of my other clients decided to upload a 2 gig video file to my server. Server had to be rebooted.

Site still not up. But it was up from other locations.

Turns out the Verizon DNS servers were caching and since the pages were not new, they would not refresh. When I contacted Verimizion teh support and asked when their servers refreshed they kept trying to tell me how to connect. I asked again about their servers, giving them the host name and IP address they insisted it was not theirs, and where did I get the numbers from. I should set up the machine for DHCP.

The solution was to force an update to their system. I am glad their security is as good as their help. heh heh heh.

For the past three days a buddy of mine and I have been working round the clock trying to figure out what in the sam hill is wrong with my boss's PC. We replaced the hard drive, the motherboard, and the memory, but we still get the same damned problem: It will not boot into windows even after a reinstall. Well today I took the PC back to my boss and tried to tell her that it could not be repaired, but her ex-army mentality would not allow her to listen to me, and she began to rip me for taking payment without "fixing" the problem. So I put all the origial parts back in it, and placed the new parts back in thier box's and handed over the invoices to her. I told her I would return her money tomarrow, but I'll be damned if I'm going to tell her that the store where i bought the parts from will not take the memory back. I'm sooooo happy that former grunt will not only be out of a PC, but out 50 bucks too.

See what happens when you rip your tech!!!

Coffee Cup Holder Story: OK some of you may have read the story from Ronnie A. The coffee place . Let me tell you this actually happened to us, as we like to call it the CD Story, Coffee tray Dispenser

About once a week on Fridays we would have our technicians come together to meet, inform them of changes, news, etc. We would listen and discuss unusual problems issues, etc to see if others could help and/or generally let them kick back and blow off some steam. During the week we would have a number of calls handled by our Help Desk Center who would then involve or dispatch as necessary technicians or other staff. This one however took the cake and made for a good laugh as one of our technicians told it.

One day one of our tech's got a dispatch from the Help Desk Center informing him of the need to go across town to one of our facilities and support a user with a CD Problem. The wording sounded legit, sounded like a simple clean problem and fix - "User reports CD tray broken - Tray is stuck open and will not close".

Now our technicians generally carried some spare parts with them so he went about his way to the site with tool bag in hand. As courtesy he called and asked to speak with the user where she happily re-iterated the problem and eagerly awaited his arrival.

Upon arriving at the site the women happily met him at the front of the office, briefly explained the problem again and showed him to her cubical. As they approached the cubical she paused and there on the floor before him was the PC Tower on the floor with the CD Tray Stuck Open, as he approached the PC and attempted to close the tray she continued her conversation she said "I came in sat down in front of my desk as I usually do, started my PC and noticed that the CD tray was stuck open. Although I was going to use it later I though this was a bit unusual and attempted to close it by hand but it would not close, so that is when I called the help desk."

He acknowledged her and started to refocus on the problem when he heard her state the following.

User: "I've never had a problem with this in the past, shortly after calling the Help Desk I started thinking I recently switched from a small to a large and I think that s when I might have broken it.

He looked back up at her in confusion.

User: The Coffee tray Dispenser". I think I broke it, when I switched from a small cup of coffee to a large cup of coffee. I mean I thought it was really creative of them (The PC Manufacturers) to put a tray holder there right on the PC at arms reach, it s handy and keeps it off your desk.

He looked at her in amazement, paused for a moment as if she might have been joking and teasing him and then realized she was for real, convinced that was what is for. He looked back up, looked around the cubical where everything had been marked and noted beyond the point of neatness and being organized (stapler marked stapler, paper clip holder marked paper clips, drawer marked drawer, etc) and decided it wasn t worth explaining or and further repeat visits. He asked her if she had any CD s lying around in an effort to see if she actually knew of it s alternative usefulness and in slight confusion she replied Coffee Cups as if to wonder why he would want any empty coffee cups lying around.

With that he sensed that was it, he removed the defective CD player, and replaced the empty space with a filler panel. He explained to her with some reservation that they only supplied one CD with each new system. With that she seemed to be OK and apologized for breaking it.

They said their good-byes and as he departed her office manager stopped him near the front of the office asked if everything had gone well. He paused and hesitated then explained the situation, what when on and the reason for his actions. As if to fear some kind of antagonism and resentment instead he looked at the office managers face where instead she smiled, chuckled, and said she was fine with that, and that she completely understood, and with at most sincerity apologized for his inconvenience.

He smiled and left. Later that same afternoon he wrote up a response and closure to the open call ticket in the help desk system. That Friday morning meeting we all sat there in astonishment, laughter then raised our coffee cups to the now King of Tech Support Tales . We printed out that Call Ticket and had it framed as a reminder, good laugh, and hail to the best experience yet. Yup It can happen to you.

Russ D.

We use WebEx to support our clients and to get there, we instruct our users to go to our support website. As I was giving the client the address of the support site, abccompany.com, she asks me, "Is that C - O - M - M?" I am not kidding.

Just give me a replacement!

While not really a tech story, it involves trying to get a replacement for something technical.

Early last year I moved to Japan for several reasons which I won't go into at the moment. In order to stay connected, I got myself a new laptop (from a company that rhymes with Hell) and aside from a broken CD-RW/DVD combo drive which was out of warranty so they didn't replace it, I didn't have any issues with it. Well, that's not completely true as I was running out of room and found that every few weeks I had to delete things from my HDD in order to do simple things like log on.

So I purchased an external DVD burner which looked really spiffy and was USB 2.0 compatible however it wouldn't work. Sometimes it would start to burn the DVD but stop with some unknown errors, burn the DVD but once done it was completely unreadable or at one point it started burning from the middle of the DVD. No matter what I did, from changing the software used or flashing the firmware helped so I set out to return it.

Now, there is a mindset in Japan that basically says, "don't make trouble" and you can see this jsut about everywhere you look. This also applies to things that don't work. People are more willing to simply purchase a new one, and hold onto the old one than to return it for a replacement. Don't ask me, I don't understand it either.

I pack the burner up and head to the store, locate another part and head for the cashier. Well, I'm thinking this guy thought I was trying to pull a fast one because I got the 3rd degree when trying to return it.

Me: Hi, I purchased this Monday but it doesn't work properly so I'd like to exchange it for this one (holding up the replacement).

Cashier: What do you mean? What did you do to it?

M: I didn't do anything to it, it just doesn't work properly. Every time I try to burn a DVD I get an error.

C: No, that can't be right. You must have broken it.

M: Listen guy, I didn't break it. It doesn't work. Look here, (I pull out the DVD that started to burn in the middle) you see where it started to burn? This is supposed to happen at the hub, in this case the laser was mis-aligned. You can see that it's not supposed to do that. I paid money for this and I want one that works.

C: (starts examining everything as if he knows what he's doing and checking the box to make sure I didn't leave anything out) Wait a minute, where's the manual? You're supposed to have a manual with this!

M: I never got one, all I had was the DVD, the manual is on there. (Not true, but I simply couldn't find it when I packed it back up. But then it's only a manual).

C: (looking again at the box) What operating system are you using?

M: Windows XP. English version.

C: (triumphant smile on his face) Well that's why, this is sold in Japan and only works with a Japanese OS!

M: (Totally losing it now) That is absolute bullsh*t! This is machine code which doesn't matter what language it speaks. Besides, the burning software is in English. And just because something is made in one country doesn't mean it won't work in another.

C: (looking smug) Well I know computers....

M: Oh yeah? Well Mr. Computer genius man, I'm a farking computer engineer! (I pull out from my wallet my business card showing my degree, as well as every single certification I happened to have and pointed each one of them out and what it showed). This burner is broken and I want a new one!

C: (reluctantly) Okay. But if this one doesn't work, you can't return it.

M: Fine, whatever!

Funny thing was, he never made a mark or anything on my receipt showing that this unit had been exchanged.

And the new burner worked without a problem. :)