Funny and Humorous Technical Support Tales and Stories

Oh, after 20+ years in IT, I do have to say I've seen just about everything. But everyone should get a kick out of this one. It was a great gag.

I had been gone from my job for a year and a half, and came back as the IT supervisor. Well, a friend of mine (who is one of these guys who REALLY wants to be on the cutting edge of technology, but doesn't really know how. You know the type.... lots of $$$... buys the best, doesn't know how to turn it on). Anyway....

I was doing some training on new helpdesk software that the company had rolled out, and was making me use. So, I had the person doing the training on my phone, and she had remote control of my PC using Remote Assistance. So, here I am, listening to her explain, while she was running my mouse cursor around and clicking on things.... when my friend walks into my office.

"Hi Greg! What's new?" "Hey <name withheld>! Check this out... I've learned to control my computer just by having it monitor my thought waves..." and with that, I fold my hands behind my head. Of course, the person doing the training on the other end of the phone continues moving the mouse and pulling down menus and so forth.... Well, my friend's jaw drops.... "NO F*#@&( WAY!" he yells, taking it all hook, line, and sinker. "How are you doing that???"

I finally told him the truth about the gag I had played on him, and we both had a good laugh about it. ;)

I went to a clients business the other day too deal with a few technical issues, when in the background I heard a dispute going on about an old dear caught brousing porn, for at least 10-15 min.

Turnes out she has a dog, and its "in season" and she wanted to find out what she can do about it...

So, she got onto a well known search engine and typed.. "Bitches In Heat!"...

Nuff said...

I work as a PC Specialist/Network Technician for a small town Community College. One afternoon, as I was going through one of our computer classrooms, I noticed that a mouse had been writen on. Now, this is not as unusual as one might assume, Nor is it usually a bit deal, so I went and got the alcohol and paper towels, ad preped for a little graphitto erasing. As I picked up the mouse, I noticed that what I'd thought was "Graphitti" was actually only two letters: an "L" and an "R". You got it, they were (not so perfectly) placed on the mouse buttons. It looks like maybe said anonomous student needs to go back to kindergarten to learn his/her left from right...

Jim

Ok to understand the situation, I work tech support for a Gateway computers. An elderly woman calls in sounding like the woman who would bake home-made cookies for the whole neighborhood (you know, one of those sweet-nice-old-ladies). While we are chatting about her computer, she tells me the reason she called in was because whenever she tries connecting to the internet, a message comes up saying something to the effect of "modem allready in use".

Hmmmm... went through some troubleshooting and landed in MSCONFIG. While going through some of the registry entries I come across an adult content dialer (BINGO!!)

Now that I have found the culprit, two questions pop into my mind at once: 1. how did this get on her computer and 2. how am I going to explain this to her? well I told her I found out was was causing the problem and tried explaining this in the least abrasive way as aposed to "YOU WERE LOOKING AT XXX PORN!" using some polictically correct phrases, like "mature content" and "explicit nature" (she got the hint). With an elderly country voice she exclaims, "You mean someone has been lookin' at dem noodie sites on my compooter!?" I completely bypassed the question asking her if she was the only one that uses the computer. She then tells me about her two grandsons (ages 14 and 16) go figure.

One day i got this call frmo a lady who wanted me to tell her why her computer was not opening its "coffee holder", i told her the computer has not coffee holder, she did reply:

"Yes it has, you press a button and a little thing which a circular hole on it cames out, so thats to place your coffee cup doesn't it"

It was a quiet day and then a girl comes in and told me:

Girl: Hi, can you make me a favor

Me: Sure, what is it

Girl: I have no internet at home but i do have a computer, so i was thinking maybe you can record the internet on this floppy disc

*** Funny expression on my face ****

Me: Ok so you want the whole internet in the floppy disk?

Girl: Yeah, or you need more?

Me: NO, one is ok.

** I took the disk and copy the IE shortcut to it ( yes i am a mean guy )

I work for a service desk for a major retail company, One long boring day when desperate for a call, I finally got the tell tale beep in my ear to signify a caller. Without being sexist the caller sounded like a stereotypical dizzy blonde.

Me: Good Morning, Service Desk how can I help?

Caller: Hi, I have a message on my screen to call you guys!

Me: Ok, What does the message say? (Thinking that it might be a error message giving our number for resolution)

Caller: It says for any technical queries call this number 0870 1234567.

Me: Is this message on the right hand of the screen.

Caller: Yes

Me: Is there two little boxes on the left of the screen, one saying username and the other saying password.

Caller: Yes

Me: erm, Thats you homepage log in screen, There is no problem and you didn't have to call us, that number is there just to advise you that if you should have a problem what the number is to dial.

Caller: So there is no problem then?

Me: No!

Caller: So how do I get rid of the message?

Me: You can't it will remain on the log in screen at all times, You just need to log in to take you away from that page with the number on it.

(Caller goes off to log in)

Caller: Oh it's gone now.

Me: I had a funny feeling that it would. Thanks for calling.

I provide remote access on a service desk for approximately 1,800 users connecting via ADSL or dial up and received a call from a frantic user as they had lost their broadband access at what is, for us, the busiest time of year business wise. This is an essential part of our system so there was a certain amount of urgency involved. All connections checked OK, link indicator on the router shows sync etc, multiple reboots of router and terminal with no change. On checking with the ISP they had several HUNDRED disconnects in a 24 hour period. Total panic sets in, field engineer and new hardware to be sent NOW! All this is arranged, I call the user back and the following conversation takes place:

Me: I'm sorry to have to say that there is a definite problem, the number of disconnects you have is WAY too high and we will have to send replacement equipment and an engineer ASAP.

User: Ok, when will this be?

Me: Monday is the soonest I can get someone on site, I'm afraid, but it will be the first call.

User: Well, we've noticed that we have a box on the wall that is broken and there are wires hanging out. Would this have anything to do with it?

Me: (Translates User-Speak briefly) Would that be a telephone wall point?

User: Yes, I think so. There are bare wires hanging out of it...

Me: (pause to ensure polite tone of voice) Can you arrange for someone to come out and have a look at that? I think that MIGHT be your problem there.

User: Yes, we've already phoned someone.

Me: Ok, I'll close this call and you contact me if you have any further problems. Bye.

The user had smashed a surface mount telephone wall point on the same line and the bare cables were shorting out, disconnecting the ADSL line every time the router reconnected...

I deal with Southwestern Bell a lot over the phone and must say they dont know anything about computers. Most of them dont even know how to properly shut down a computer. But anyway I had one call me and say his PcAnywhere software didnt work and the call went something like this.

Sbc tech- PcAnywhere wont work.

ME- What do you mean?

Sbc Tech- I dont see the little icon thingy in the corner of the monitor.

Me- Do you see your pcAnywhere icon on the desktop?

Sbc Tech - Where is the desktop?

Me- Main screen of the computer

Sbc tech- It isnt there

Me- Go to start and then all programs and see if it is in there

Sbc tech- It isnt in there

Me- Sounds like it isnt installed and you need to install the software

Sbc tech - How do I do that????

Me- Get the program cd and stick it in the computer and install it (lol)

sbc tech- Where do I get the cd

Me- I havent a clue where you guys keep them

Turns out the software was installed but since he didnt know what the desktop was he didnt see the big icon that said PcAnywhere! I have a lot of patience but sometimes my patience is strained a little when you get so many dumb calls from the same company who are supposed to know this stuff and there so called technicians couldnt wipe there asses with out help. I have no doubt if there was a tech support number for Charmin there would be a call from an Sbc tech to them everyday asking how to use it.

I bought a new Compaq computer, but two months later it went back to Costco (they will accept computers back for up to 6 months!)

I had the computer for a month and had installed all the programs I wanted on it by then. The Compaq Tech Support had me do a "non-destruct recovery" repair for a ONE TIME problem. (The phone modem would never dial out, to register the computer, but it had dialed out to register other programs.

Then after the "non-destruct recovery" repair is all done, and Windows is starting to load in, The computer is asking for this special patch file. It will NOT continue loading at all with out it.

The Compaq needed a special file to patch between the Microsoft SP1 Update and the Compaq Operating System. It took 30 DAYS of hassling on the phone with their DUMB-DUMB tech support idiots.

They told me: "You must be downloading SP1 from the Windows Update website." I tell them, "I already have SP1, I need a patch between SP1 and the COMPAQ operating system!" They tell me, "If you are not doing what we are telling you to do, there is nothing we can do to help you. You must be downloading SP1 from the Windows Update web site." One idiot Tech AND his supervisor, both East Indians, living in India, insisted I had to have a Dial-up Internet Service Provider just to dial out! -- More of the benefits of "outsourcing"!

I have Cable Internet! The phone modem was properly hooked up to the phone line, and had registered other programs by phone.

After I finally get directed to the website I needed to go to (on another computer of course, the new Compaq has been a "large paper weight" for a month.) that will get me the patch. It turns out after I try to install it, that this is the WRONG PATCH!

Back on the phone AGAIN! That is when find out no patch is available for this particular computer model.

So now the only option I was given was to do a Totally-Destructive-Recovery (back to the "fresh out-of-the-box state"). Which means: No Other Programs. All those programs I had JUST installed would be GONE!

So I finally told Compaq, that I would not do a T-D-R. Because with out them having this patch file available, if I ever needed to do a Recovery AGAIN, it would be once again: "T-D-R - fresh out-of-the-box".

Then you have all the hassles of reloading all of those other programs. AGAIN! I told the Tech Supervisor that they would have to send me another, BETTER computer, one with the patch available. They would not go for that, at all, and insisted my ONLY option was to do the T-D-R. I told him about buying the computer from Costco and that I could return it posthaste. The Tech Supervisor INSISTED that I must do the T-D-R and that I would not be able to return the computer.

So I told the Tech Supervisor, "Can you say, 'Dude, Your Getting a Dell!!'?"

I typed this on my new DELL.