Tales From Technical Support Content
So a month or two ago, the IT department decided to "mainline" or "streamline" or "hardline" or "cokeline" or whatever little buzz word they used for it, and decided to get all new computers for everyone in the building. Monitors weren't a problem, they had been filtering in LCD's for everyone for energy conservation anyway, I think there were 3 CRT's left out there.
Well, I overheard someone saying she's "so glad they're getting rid of this old piece of crap." Let me tell you about this old piece of crap. It's a Pentium 4 with at least 516 megs of RAM. This dingbat only uses it for Outlook, Excell, Word, and Internet explorer. The brand spanking new one is probably less than 1ghz faster, if anything it's got a WHOLE gig of ram, and just maybe a sound card.
Now, let me tell you about the Tank.
This was the shipping station, the computer hooked into the big honking scale we used in the warehouse/shipping/receiving dock. Put the box on the scale, scan our label's barcode, and it's marked as "shipped" in our nicely integrated (if antique) inventory system. So what was in this? A Pentium. Not even one of those new-fangled MMX ones. I can't recall the processor speed of it, but the one time I looked in the BIOS I remember snorting. Why the BIOS? It ran off of DOS 5.something, it never even HEARD of Windows. Of course, neither did our inventory system, but I've mentioned that in a prior story..
This puppy sported a whopping 128 megs of RAM. No sound card, but the PC speaker still beeped away quite effectively whenever there was something seriously wrong, like the time someone dropped a 30+ pound box on the keyboard and one of the keys got stuck down. The juggernaut of a desktop had been chugging away for a minimum of 12 years, given that's how long MY boss had been with the company, and it was here when he got here. It was older than the building I'm currently sitting in.
One day, we noticed odd characters popping up all over the screen. You old command line flunkies will probably remember the playing card suits, the odd faces, and all manner of ASCII symbols. Starting to get a tad worried, I move the monitor off it, and pop off the top. After a few blasts of compressed air (read: deep breath, exhale through tightly puckered lips) and waiting for the cloud of dust and cardboard fibers to clear out, we realize what may be the problem: the CPU fan's little power cable wasn't quite firmly attached and wasn't spinning up.
Then realize that this thing had been running for 6+ months without a CPU fan, because that was the last time anyone had been inside it. And THAT was when the keyboard needed replacing, and upon trying to push the dongle for the scale (into which the keyboard plugged) back in, the makeshift attachment popped loose and fell into the case. Let it cool down, plugged the fan back in, moved the little pile of papers that had been covering the power supply fan outside, started up, worked like a charm. The only reason that we ever got rid of it was because the hard drive was starting to go bad, otherwise it would probably still be there. Won't even get into the horror of trying to hook the ancient scale and scan-gun into a brand new system that supposedly had been pre-configured (the fact that a model number sticker on the scale had long since faded to indistinctness probably didn't help.)
So let's see here. Over a decade of service, 5 days a week 52 weeks a year, less company holidays. More dust covering its components than the Ark of the Covenant. Six months without a CPU fan, only noticed when all exhaust from the PC had been blocked off, and even then intermittantly.
Next time I hear someone talking about "that old piece of crap"? I'm going to sit back and sigh whistfully about the days when top of the line processors lated more than a year, when RAM was efficient for its size, and when hard drives handled every day, repetitive tasks better than full system movements and restores..
This one's not so much a horror story as a cute one.
One day, I was delivering a new replacement wheel-mouse to one of my QA users.
Her neighbor lady, Alex, noticed and remarked, "I've been using this old, skippy mouse forever. What do I have to do to get a new one?"
"Just be nice to your favorite tech guy," I replied.
Alex then paused, looked me up and down and said, "Have you lost weight?"
I brought her a new mouse in 5 minutes.
Ok, now i've read some real doosies on this site so this might not compare but i've only been working on this particular desk for a month... gimmie a while and i'll post more i'm sure but here's what happened today
I deal with nothing but stock brokers and financial assistants who think they are the most important people alive.
Here's how the call went:
(M) - > Me
(U) - > User
(M): Thank you for calling the Technical Help Desk this is Chris how can i help you?
(U): Hey , yea... um.... i just got my dual monitor set up and i can't get my mouse to the other monitor
(M): alright sir this should be something i can fix pretty quick. Can i have your ip address so i can remote into your system to check out your vid....(cut off)
(U): Oh My GOD! somehow i got it to the other screen but it won't go back.. what do i do? what do i do!?
(M): Sir, which screen are you on now the left or the right?
(U): I don't see why that matters but the right
(M): Ok, and sir which way are you trying to move the mouse to get onto the other screen?
(U): Left of course
(M): Ok sir, do me a favor and try going to the right
(U): Oh my god how'd you do that?
at that point i remoted on to his machine and just changed the display properties from the screen set up on the left to be set up on the right.
I had a laugh with my supervisor after i got off. She loved it!
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