Funny and Humorous Technical Support Tales and Stories

Ok,so ive been working in tech support for blackberrys for just over 2 and a half months now.

My calls are usually quite professional as most of the customers are corporate and are quite knowledgeable.

Well,there's always one oddball out there and i've gotten her on two different occasions about the same issue,keep in mind bolth of the calls are about a month apart,which leads me to believe all she does is call in constantly with the same problem,so here it is.

M:Me

C:Customer

M:Hello,thank you for choosing(insert name here) my name is (insert name here) how may i help you today?

C:Hello yes my name is xxxxxx and im having an issue with my blackberry.

M:Ok,what seems to be the problem?

C:Well whenever I call someone,i never get the person im calling.

So i go to check her account to make sure it hasn't been cancelled or suspended otherwise it would of just gone to customer service due to that.It wasn't.

M:Mam,im having a hard time understanding what you mean by this?

C:Well,i call someone from my phone,and its never the person im calling that picks up,its some random person thats answering my calls,some lady and she talks to me for hours and...

At this point i have to cut her off,ive clued in that i've had this lade before,about the exact same issue.

M:Mam,how is that possible? How can someone else be answering you calls other than the person your calling?

C:I don't know,but i never know who im calling when i call someone,and its the same problem with my home phone too,i have 4 phones on my account and i only own two.

Now,you can only imagine at this point how much effort its taking to not break down into tears laughing at this lady.

C:Also,yesterday i made 2 911 calls and neither of them were 911,some girl answered and took all my information and than for some reason an ambulance showed up at my house.

M:Ok mam,im having difficulty figuring out what the problem is here.

So at this point im just going in circles,getting the same story over and over again.She is really convinced that the government and the rest of the world are tapping into her calls and spying on her.

I transfered her to customer care and I (not alowed to do so) stayed on the call to listen in.

The CC rep was about as baffled as I was.

At one point she had figured that we were selling all her information to the whole world and we were all conspiring against her.

Some peoples children..

I work for a university. This story happened to my coworker who sits next to me. He gets a call one night from on of our students.

Tech:How can I help you tonight?

Student:The power is out in my whole town and I can't get on the Internet!

Tech:Ok, well I'm sorry sir I can't fix your power for you.

Student:(in an angry tone)Why did I even call you then!!!

We would all like to know the same thing...

Customer (heavy Indian accent): My DVD recorder has broken. The last person I talked to said I could get a new one sent to me, but I would have to pay for it because I am out of warranty.

Me: Yes sir, that's correct. If you give me just a moment, I'll set that up for you through an exchange. The way that's going to work is that we'll send you a new unit, and within 20 days, you'll have to send us your old unit, otherwise your credit card will be charged extra for it.

Customer: Yes, but I would like to keep the old one.

Me: And you realize you would have to pay for both?

Customer (completely serious): Yes, I'm fine with that. You see, the model I have now has technology inside of it that is considered an antique in India. I have three other models of your company's DVD recorders, and what I would like to do is keep this old one, plus the three I have, and use the new one. With the others, I plan on making a museum out of my home of your company's products, and then I'm going to invite my friends over and charge them to come see my lovely museum, because I love your products so very much. Do you think that sounds like a good idea?

Me: [long pause while I hit the mute button and laugh my face off] Yes sir, that sounds wonderful. Now let's get that exchange done for you.

Years ago I worked the support desk and we had one associate who had terrible luck with her computer. All of these stories are from the same lady within a two year span of time.

1)The sales people at our company have software loaded on their laptops that needs to update itself over night. This was back when everything was updated over a modem so it took a long time. The computers had to be left on for this to happen since they were still running DOS at the time. Since the computer was up and running, it was nice and warm, so her cat decided it would be a nice place to sleep. Eventually, the cat decided it would be a nice place to urinate, which killed the computer.

2)Due to the cat issue, this fine associate decided to better protect the laptop from the cat. She chose to wrap it inside a plastic bag to protect it. The plastic bag prevented air flow and the computer over-heated and fried the system board.

3)This associate decided she was going to wash her car at a coin-operated self-service car wash. When she squeezed the trigger on the gun, it malfunctioned and produced an enormous amount of pressure causing it to fly out of her hand. The gun continued to spray and the force caused it to crash through her window and inside the car. While in the car, it continued to spray inside the car shattering her windows out. Eventually the operator was able to shut down the system, but not before the water flooded her car and ruined her laptop. The funniest part is she complained that without a windshield in her car she got bugs in her teeth on her way home. I wouldn't have believed her if she didn't have pictures to prove it.

4)While driving to deliver a product to one of her customers a deer ran out in front of her car. When she hit her brakes, the 70lb case of beef flew forward landing on her laptop and destroying it. She also hit the deer destroying it.

5)During a birthday party for her son, his friends decided to shake up bottles of pop and spray him with it. They missed him, but destroyed the laptop.

6)During an electrical storm her satellite dish was hit by lightning. The current flowed through the wires of the satellite (melting them) into the house and caused a surge through her electrical system. Her laptop (along with her TV and several other appliances) were fried. Her barn was also burned down in the storm.

7)This isn't computer related, but it needs to be included. One day, her neighbors Llama got out of the pen. The Llama refused to let her leave her house. When she tried to go out the front door the llama would run to the door and spit at her. When she went to the back door, it would run around the house and start spitting at her. She was "trapped" in her house for 6 hours before the neighbor could come and get the llama. The llama also attacked her mail box and destroyed it.

8)As broadband connections became more popular, she decided to get a faster connection. She lives in rural Montana, so wireless was her only option at the time. She called the provider and was informed that their tower was very near and she would have a great signal. When he came out to do the survey and install, he couldn't understand it, he had direct line of sight to his tower and it was very close, but there was no signal. It turns out that she has an FAA flight beacon on her property that interferes with the signal.

All of this is above and beyond her regular support calls she placed for things like lost data, programs not loading, help on her personal computer, failed hard drives, etc.

Some people should just not try to use technology.

I fielded an e-mail from a senior software engineer informing me that the keyboard on his laptop had broken because all of the keys on the right side would only type numbers and punctuation instead of letters.

This email used letters that would be on right side of the keyboard, meaning he must have gone and found an external keyboard and plugged it in to email me and tell me that his keyboard had gone strange on him. I told him to toggle the 'NumLock' key immediately to the right of his F12 key and all would be well.

I never heard back.

I'm not a gig like others; I'm a student working for an Oil & Gas org. A girl (Blonde) was complaining her computer was running slow. She was running too many applications choking the computer.

I asked her to reboot and walked ahead. Within a few seconds heard her calling on top of her voice, telling its not working again.

I asked her did you reboot your comp, she said yes (too my wonder struck the computer reboots in 30 sec with user logon, folder redirection and apps running).

Asked her how did she reboot. And I can never forget what she showed me, she simple pressed the power button on her Monitor Screen turned it OFF & ON.

Guys hold on there is more to it!

I asked her who taught her this and God save me it was her Manager.

A user calls the helpdesk to say the internet is down. He can't get any website on his computer and he is the only one in his area with this problem. He adds that this is the only way for him to do his job and he can NOT be productive to the company with the internet down. I remote to his computer and check I.E. and it connects, but to a homepage with a .com extension and it needs a .net extension. I asked him whey he didn't just type in the .net and he said that he souldn't have to since it was the start page. I was glad to see that his job rested on his use of the internet. I'm leaving the company since this is the kind of user that is so "productive" and very common here.

Ok, I worked in a tech support for a major isp in my country, and here is the story:

Dude = D

Me = M

D: Hello, I just formatted my pc, and installed all the drivers, everything seemed to work fine till i installed your dialer(the new connection wizard) and then my sound just stopped working!

M: Are your speakers turned on?

D: Yeah, what do you think, im dumb or something?

M: Ok, thats good, now I need to explain you something, The windows connection wizard could not in any way cause you this problem, because it simply does not relate to your sound. Unless ofcourse you managed to catch some nasty virus or something.

D: No i just installed it, and i was online for like 5 mins and didnt do anything.

M: Mmm ok, what does it say when you try to play an mp3?

D: Nothing, it plays but there is no sound!

M: Ok maybe you muted it by mistake, But this is another problem thats not related to us, and I cant help you with that.

D: Oh come on! You know thats your fault, you ruined my sound!

(then he starts to whine and i decide to help him - although we had very strict rules about this)

M: ok ok, just go to your sound configuration in CP, open the mixer and see if the main channel is on mute.

D: What do you take me for? Some computer genius? Tell me how to do it simply! Im just a regular guy!

(here are 3 times of unsuccessful attempts to tell him where to click... and then i just get tired of him)

M: hmm there is a possibility that i forgot, what happens is when you connect to the internet it may update your sound driver, and the sound will not work if you have speakers that dont match the sound card. You just need to install the new driver for your speakers to work ^_^

D: ok, where do i find this driver?

M: tell me which speakers do you have, ill see if we have this driver.

D: mmmm i dont know... black ones?

M: oh i am sorry, we seem to have drivers only for white ones, I advise you to contact your pc technician..

D: oh.. ok i guess, thank you

M: have a nice day..

well thats actually real believe it or not =)

Here is a story about an old lonely granny which needed help configuring her email account in outlook

G -granny

M - me

G: Hello, I need help with my email

M: What seems to be the problem?

G: I open this outlook and i cant send or receive!

M: Can you surf the web?

G: Yes i can, but the problem is with my mail.

M: ok. tell me what version of outlook do you have? - click help, about..

G: mmm Microsoft!(how banal)

(then together we figure out that its MS Outlook 2000 and then i take her to account settings and turns out that she has no accounts at all there(this process takes about 30 mins..))

M: ok we need to configure our account.

(we start the wizard, and the most horrible part of all is dictating her details, because grannies type 2letters per min.)

M: Ok here you enter your email adress, what is your email adress?

G: granny666@gmail.com

(i feel both relieved and brain-deflorated at the same time)

M: Im sorry but we can not help you configuring gmail account, because we give our customers their own email and we can help them only with that(ports, hostnames etc)

We can configure our email - granny666@isp.net

G: What??? but everyone knows my gmail adress! you must help me!! thats not fair! i dont understand why!

(here she starts to rape my brain and i slowly slide under my table)

M: Please stop shouting, you just need to go to google`s help page and its all written there.

G: Ok, give me their adress

M: gmail.com

G: I cant find anything there!

(i bang my head against the cubicle wall)

M: can you call someone who can help you? like your son or grandson?

G: No! I cant they are not at home, and i need it now!

M: Im sorry but i cant help you in this matter

(then she brainfucks me some more)

M: Ok, I have an idea, just call google and they will help you.

G: Ok, give me their number!

M: I dont know their number, we are not supposed to have it. I advise you to look at the yellow pages.

G: You didnt help me at all! what is your name? i will write a complaint letter!

(i gave her my name and she hung up.)

The end =) I think that was one of my first complains XD