Tales From Technical Support Content
I sold a laptop a while back - removed ALL the personal information from it (network ID & password, browsing history, my email & password - everything - the computer was at least as clean as when I got it).
Craigslist buyer - we met at a place that sells coffee, pastries, and has free WiFi for customers. Laptop was working nicely and connected to the internet at the store nicely. He's happy, he pays me, and then I'm happy.
Buyer takes it home and tries to sign onto his network. He sends me an email asking me to send him the user ID and password that he needs to sign onto his network...........
Uuuummmmm
YOUR network, Dude, not mine. I don't know what your set up security is.
to let your computer update itself once in a while?
Really - you complain it's NOT WORKING PROPERLY but when I turn it on to look at it and check to see how many updates are in the que for Windows and the manufacturer............there are almost THIRTY between the two automatic update programs? Some of them dated more than six or even ten months ago?
Betcha it'll work much better after I let it install ALL those updates then run Disk Clean and then Defragment.
Maybe even check to see if the anti-virus needs updating............
Sheesh...........
Hi thank you for calling (company), my name is (my name), how may I help you?
My battery exploded!
Oh goodness what happened? Did it leak, has it expanded, did it burst?
No, no, its leaking this liquid and I tasted it and it tasted funny
Sir that's battery acid, don't lick the batter acid!
.....oh, well I didn't know what it was. Is that bad for you.
Sir, don't touch it. Call poison control and call us back later. Well transfer you to safety.
Hi thank you for calling (company) my name is (name), how may I help you?
Hi yeah, I got my phone a few days ago and its broken.
Ok, I'm sorry. Was it dropped?
No, its just black.
Ok, is it on?
No, its broken. It just won't work. It's black.
Alright, well when did it stop working?
I picked it up this morning and it just is broken.
( thought processing)
Ok, well did you have it on the charger last night..
The what?
The charger, it plugs into the wall or a computer..was it plugged in to charge the battery?
Ugh, I thought this was a smartphone and it charged itself.
( face palm....now kind you this girl was only probably in her mid twenties.....just wow)
The father of a friend of mine discovered computers at the age of 75, but he can’t lose the habits of nearly 60 years of using a typewriter, which means that he puts paragraph marks (hard line feeds) at the end of every line, and hard codes the page feeds at the end of every page. This wouldn’t matter, if he didn’t have a fax-modem, which he uses to fax his missives to my friend. Unfortunately, the margins for the fax printer driver are slightly larger than for his laser printer, which means that the page feeds are always at the top of the next page. Result: every second page of the fax is empty. My friend has given up trying to teach his father that this is a waste of paper.
He did get his revenge recently, because his father receives his faxes on an ordinary fax machine. He pointed out to his dad about this waste of paper, and asked if he should fax the empty pages back, so that his father could reuse them. The answer was yes…
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The mother of a friend of mine lives in Australia. She recently bought a fax machine. Not knowing how to use it, she asked a neighbour to send the fax for her. When he came back into the living room with the original, she asked “Couldn’t you send it?” It seemed she thought that the physical paper was transmitted over the phone lines.
Another time, she couldn’t understand why her daughter had only received half of the fax, to be precise, every other page. It seems that she printed the letter out double-sided before putting it through the fax machine…
Tech Support, how can I help you?
I'm trying to scan this page and nothing is happening, I can't press the scan button in this program, the scan button is grayed out.
Is the scanner on?
<Long Silence>
I don't have a scanner on this computer.
You do need a scanner to be able to scan.
*CLICK* (hang-up)
Tech support, how can I help you?
My computer is stuck on a blue screen, it won't do anything.
Okay, let's shut it down and reboot.
Reboot?
Yes.
How do I do that?
We meed to do a forced reboot.
A what?
Hold the Power button in on your computer for 10 seconds until your screen goes black. After your screen goes black, go ahead and press the Power button again to boot the computer back up.
<2 seconds later>
Okay, I'm rebooted.
Already?
Yes.
Are you sure?
Yes.
What do you see on your screen?
A blue screen.
When you rebooted, did you leave the monitor on or off?
I shut the screen off and back on again, just like you said.
Okay, we're supposed to reboot the COMPUTER, not the MONITOR. Do not touch the power button near the screen. Look at the rectangle box under or near your screen and find the power button there.
OH! That one.
Yes!
That was the fastest reboot in recent tech support history.
Insurance adjuster at the internet desk.
I would get emails from various clients that said that there was a photo attached of the damage to their vehicle or other property. No attachment to the email.
I'd have to reply that there was no photo attached and request that they resend the email with the aphoto attached.
There were a couple of times when I had to phone with the person to "walk them through" how to do it because the adjuster on the claim was breathing down the back of my neck as they had been trying to get the photos for weeks. Apparently the mail was too slow so they were going to email it. But they hadn't quite grasped how to make sure that there was an attachment before they hit "send".
