Funny and Humorous Technical Support Tales and Stories

This is one of the stupidest UNIX mistakes I have ever made. I was installing a new application, and it needed a library, which I couldn't compile properly. I thought it needed a different version of libc, so I downloaded one and changed the symlink in /usr/lib to point to it instead of my normal version of libc.

Next thing I knew, no command worked any more. I could not run any program or change anything in the filesystem. Then it dawned on me: the libc version was incompatible with my kernel. Every time the kernel tried to fork a new process, it failed because of linking errors.

This also meant that I couldn't change the symlink back, because both rm and ln need a call to libc to even start up.

In the end I had to restart the computer off my recovery CD and change the symlink back. Then it worked.

Year: 1999. We still had dial up back then...

Customer: Hello, I need the phone number for internet!

Me: The node number is internet provider specific.

Customer: Yes, who is my internet provider?

Me: I only supplied you with a domain, I do not know what company you signed as your internet provider.

Customer: Could it be (name of major newspaper)? Their's is the first site I came to when I logged on before I lost my phone number.

Me: ... Yes.. Call that newspaper..

*click*

At college, in the main lounge they have two computers. One of which had not been working for some time. I thought of calling technical Support about the problem (This morning, 10-25-07) since this had been the situation for about two days. My friend wanted to use it so he took a look at it and plugged it in. it worked fine, he left. Later, another friend of mine wanted to use his laptop. Turns out, the power strip had no power. Things were plugged into it but the power stripe itself had no power! My first friend made a simple mistake of plugging both the computer and the monitor to the wall outlet and the computer worked! My other friend rectified it by plugging in the power stripe and then hooking the computer up to it. I love this site and always wanted to contribute something. Keep up the great work!

I got this note from a fellow tech. He was talking to TEACHER'S about whether they need a modem for their laptops.

This is what we are up against.

I asked all the teachers if they need a modem to contact me so I could get them ordered and of course there were those who did not know if they had dialup or broadband. One teacher asked me how to tell if they had dialup or not. I said if you are on the internet can you make a phone call at the same time. Her response was "I don't know because my phone

is too far from my computer".

In order to get a degree in Computer Science, you have to take some pre-requisites which are pretty insulting. There was this one first year computer class which was a joke. Questions on the mid-term exam were as complex as "what is the HTML code for Bold?", something which took two weeks to learn, apparently. I almost felt bad for the professor in that class. The material was so basic (especially for somebody who is going for a CS degree), that students didn't have to listen to him, so they chose not to.

On the other hand, the professor did some things which certainly deserve ridicule (especially when you consider his position).

During one lecture, the professor was teaching about forms and how when you fill in an online form, the URL of the resulting page would include some of the information you supplied in your answers (like a search engine). He then wanted to demonstrate that if you change some of that URL, you could make the resulting web page look as if you went back to the original form and supplied a different answer.

So, he clicked on the URL and changed his original answer "yyy" to "xxx". Here's the problem: when he clicked on the URL, he didn't highlight just the "yyy" part. He replaced the entire URL.

On a huge screen, in the biggest lecture hall on campus, he replaced the entire URL with "xxx".

[Don't try this at home. Even worse, don't do this at work]

Heyyy, people make mistakes, right? Well, here's the kicker. For the life of him, he didn't know how these *provocative* images got on screen. At next week's lecture, he accused students of uploading pornographic images onto his webspace.

PS, this professor couldn't pronounce "thumbnail" or "Firefox" correctly. I've easily had better teachers since then.

I love my job, I really do, but sometimes I wanna cry.

I do tech support for a satellite company, so one of the things I find myself constantly asking the customers is "What do you see on the screen?" It's been a long day of taking calls and I'm brand new to the job.

I get a call from an elderly lady who's having issues with her programming.After nearly an hour of waiting 10 minutes for her to complete every step in the troubleshooting process, I'm about to eat my headset!

So as nicely as possible, I ask if there is anyone else in the house that might be able to come to the phone. I'm tired of it taking so long to complete one step. She says yes, and I'm kicking myself for not thinking of this sooner. When I hear her next words, I'm forced to press the mute button on my phone.

She says, "Well, my son is here, but he's blind"

This isn't tech related, but it's still funny.

Background: I was once (briefly) working as a telemarketer. We sold magazines to raise money for various non-profit organizations, like the American Heart Association, The American Cancer Society, various Police Athletic leagues, stuff like that. well, one day I called a man in West Virginia to renew his hunting magazine to raise money for the American Cancer society.

M=Me

G=Guy

M: Hello, I am calling from x company to see if you would like to continue your support for the American Cancer Society by renewing your magazine

G: No! I won't support you terrorists!

M: Excuse me?

G: You are just as bad as those terrorists you work for, raising money for them so they can kill Americans!

M: What?!

G: These people are going to kill your children! Are you raise money for them!

M: Ummmm... Sir, I'm trying to raise money for the Cancer society. These people have cancer. I don't think they want to terrorize anyone. Or kill my children.

[I'm trying not to crack up, Crazy people amuse me, and I wanted to see how far this guy would go]

G: That Cancer group, they don't check if a person is illegal before they go and help them. They are just a gateway to let terrorists in this country. And you work for them. You are a terrorist.

M: Are you serious? These people are dying. Of Cancer. Why would it matter where they are from?

G: TERRORISTS!!!!!

[At this point I had to hang up, nit cause I wanted to, but because my supervisor made me. I would have liked to continue the conversation]

So, helping people with cancer=terrorists. Got to love rednecks.

The wonderful world of someone who works in technical support.

One day I'm taking an older woman (maybe 50ish?) woman through some troubleshooting for her internet connection, which doesn't seem to be working at all.

Not getting an ip no matter what I try... eventually I figure either our wire run, or the modem, is fried. One or the other.

So, I need to send out a technician. Not so much an IT person, more of a physical person, to check cables and the modem and such.

Me: "Okay, so it looks like we're going to need to send out a tech to get you up and running here. When are you available?"

Cust: "Look, I don't want your techs here. Want to know why?"

Hey, I'll bite.

Me: "Why's that?"

Cust: "Because your techs are pigs. The last person who was out here to fix my internet reqired EVERYTHING through my fridge and air conditioner, and it cost me over $3000 to fix it. Not only that, but they refused to pay for the repairs to the equipment they damaged when I told them!"

I was kind of stunned. First off, as you can imagine; this is physically impossible. Secondly, it's just plain STOOPID.

Me: "Well, if you don't want someone out, that's okay. But we can't fix it without it. You can call a computer store though, and they may be able to help you."

At which point she hung up, and I laughed out loud for a good 20-30 minutes. I couldn't breathe after a while.

Him: "My password isn't working!"

Me: (thinking he's probably typing it wrong or has forgotten it) "What password are you using?"

Him: "I don't know."

I provide upper level support at the help desk for a large university in a major city. We have a primary campus and several buildings/research facilities located around the city. First thing one morning I got a call escalated to me from one of these offshoot buildings. The user on the other end of the phone is a new hire just brought on as the lead help desk consultant for the building. His brand new user account will not let him log in.

This turns out to be a very legitimate problem and requires several hours and the coordination of our networking and accounts folks to solve. As we go through all the steps to fix the problem he confidently does everything we request, asks several intelligent questions and, because he was in a building several miles away, I give him permission to use my direct number (it s published in the university directory anyways) so that we can communicate with all folks involved more efficiently. After about 5 hours and numerous phone calls we finally get his account up and running and he is able to log in. I close my ticket for the incident.

About 10 minutes after I have closed the call my phone rings again and his number flashes up on my caller ID. After having spent so many hours to solve the problem I dread picking up the phone and possibly finding out that things are still not working correctly. But I realize that he is the lead HD consultant for the building and if he is calling me the problem is still most likely something out of his control and will need to be resolved so I pick up the phone. His question

How do you format a hard drive?

I have had to memorize his number so that when he calls (which is frequently) I can pretend I am not there and then pass the tickets off to our student employees (sorry students - but you do know more than he does :).

This happened yesterday. I was sitting behind the computer in my headphones, with a few windows open (Word, Acrobate reader, and Firefox). Anyway, I'm not the only user, and after some time, I gave the chair to my mother.

Anyway, she started complaining that the computer is freezing because I have too many windows open (don't take it wrong, we understand enough about computers not to mess things up - normally). I come over, and the computer is totally frozen. The only program she has open is Solitaire, so it's unlikely to be from that.

Yet my programs never do that.

Then I noticed that there is a Solitaire help file open. Mother insists she didn't request it.

After a couple of minutes of arguing who was the cause, I noticed... Yup, that's right. I put my headphones on the F1 key. Of course the computer didn't like an attempt to open 20 or so help windows.

Once I removed it, the computer went back to normal... After half an hour or so.

I work part-time doing video card & motherboard tech support. Here's one of the more interesting calls:

Customer: I am getting a "Cannot Find Boot Device" error when I turn on my PC.

Me: Ok, please ensure that your hard drive and cables are all secure.

[I walk customer through what needs to be checked]

Me: Ok, let's go into the BIOS setup and confirm your Boot Device priority.

[Again, everything seems ok there]

Me: Alright, let's try a CMOS clear.

[Walk him through that]

Me: Ok, have you installed an operating system?

Customer: Yes.

[We spend another 5 mins verifying post codes]

Customer: Ahhhh.... what's an operating system?

Me: An OS is the application that manages your system resources and allows you to use your hardware. Didn't you say you installed it already?

Customer: I think I did... is MS Office an Operating System?

Me: No.... how could you have installed Office with an OS?

Customer: I just put the disk in the CD drive.

Me: But did you install anything?

Customer: Oh, where can I find an OS?

Me: You never heard of Windows or Linux?

Cusomer: Can you buy them in stores?

Me: *sigh* I think I found your issue.

I work as first-line phone-in tech support for a large university that shall remain nameless. While many of our calls are gems, I found the following exchange with a Faculty member (the worst of the bunch, I swear it) to be priceless.

Me: Thanks for calling tech support, my name is, etc. How can I help you?

Prof: I'm trying to download the newest version of Office. (We provide it free for affiliates on our website.) I've already tried this once and since this is your website I want you to tell me exactly how to do it, since the design is so counter-intuitive.

M: Gladly. You're already at the website, then?

P: I closed out of it. I suppose I have to go back, then? >clearly irritated<

M: Yes, sir. It'll just ask you to log in and then prompt to begin the download.

P: It says I already have that file.

M: (Not knowing if the file has downloaded successfully in the past) Go ahead and download it again, to make sure the file is complete.

P: Where do these save to? I couldn't find the last one anywhere.

M: Well, that depends on where you directed it to download. A lot of times it defaults to the desktop.

P: >annoyed< It's NOT on the desktop.

M: That's fine, we can find it. You said you were running Windows XP? Click on Start, go to Search, and choose the option for "all files and folders." Then go ahead and type in "Office."

P: There's nowhere to type it.

M: Nowhere? Did you click on "All Files and Folders?"

P: Yes, I did. I have a list here that says "Pictures or Video," "Documents," and

M: >cutting in< "All files and folders?" Go ahead and click on it.

P: Oh. THERE'S the place to type it in.

M: Go ahead and type in "Office" and click "Search." Is it showing up?

P: Yes, I see it on the list.

M: Right click on it and choose "open containing folder," okay?

P: ...

M: Hello?

P: It is on my desktop.

M: Oh?

P: And I'm trying to decide if this is your normal tone of voice or if you're patronizing me. I'm excellent with computers I'll have you know.

M: ...

I loved that one. I was able to predict his stupidity and prove it to him that I was right means that I'm patronizing this computer genius on the other end of the line. I mean, I was, of course, by that point you have to assume that your user is a total moron and should need to be licensed before being released to the internet at large. Faculty members, I swear.

My boss called me into his office saying why wouldnt these essential Safety Attribute Inspections download...

I look at his screen he has adobe reader open, I was busy so I spared my boss the attempt of Making his pdf that to this day I dont know how he got it, but it was of a goverment site for picking download Aviation Inspections (audits)

I told him to close adobe acrobat and open up the browser...

He looked at me and said its already open, as he points to the adobe reader..

I said no, open up firefox.. he looks confuzed at me, then realized that had not clicked so I instead called it by a name ive heard him call it foxfire...

As he opens the browser he makes a comment to me about having to start all over now and why he had to do that... (This created strange imagry on the origins of the pdf)

With 5 left clicks the SAI's were downloaded and on his thumbstick, and I returned to my work not wishing to look at the dreaded SAI's more then neccesary.

(SAI's are used to audit a airlines manual system)

One time I called tech support about a problem that turned out to be my fault.

I have a Linux PC and a DSL Internet connection. Once, after I had rebooted the computer, I was unable to connect to the Internet any more. So I called tech support. They first thought I was using Windows, but I said I was using Linux. They were pretty knowledgeable about that too, so I followed their advice, but couldn't find the problem.

Then they asked me to check the DSL box itself. Sure, power, connection, and DSL 1 lights are all on. I rebooted the DSL box and it was still working fine, but I could still not connect to the Internet. The tech support verified from their database that my connection should be working. But still no connection.

Finally, I thanked them for their efforts and hung up. Afterwards, I realised what was the problem: My computer has two Internet cards, but only one of them was hooked up to the DSL box. Rebooting the computer had caused their drivers to be switched around. I switched them around again, and the connection to the Internet worked.

Several years ago I was working on the help desk for a large firm.

I received a phone call from a user at a Credit Union complaining that they could not conect to our systems.

I remotely viewed her system ,and sure enough I was receiving communication errors.

I went through the normal trouble shooting proceedures of checking the Terminal, Control unit, and finally the modem.

I asked the user if they could look at the modem, and read to me the error code that it was displaying.

She told me that she could not get to the modem. (This is actually very common, most of the time it is in a locked room.) I asked her if she could get someone to give her access, as we needed to know this error code.

She stated, "Oh I can get into the room, I just can't get to the modem!"

When I asked her to elaborate she matter-of-factly stated, "Well, it's under water."

After pausing for about a minute, I asked her to please repeat that, as I did not think I heard her correctly.

She again told me that the modem was under water! When I asked her to explain she told me that the modem was in the lower floor, and they had a flood over the weekend, so everything down there was under about 6 inches of water!

I attempted to explain to her that electronics were not designed to work under those conditions, and that she would have to have service called to replace equipment.

The next morning I get called into the managers office. Apparently she had called to complain that I was not very helpful!

So, I asked the manager to please teach me how do I explain to a user that you can not put electronics under water, and expect it to still work. Without making them sound like an idiot!

He told me to leave the office, and get back to work.

Guess he could not figure it out either!!