Funny and Humorous Technical Support Tales and Stories

As a tech support agent working for a company that takes mainly internet support calls, I am amazed at how often people ask where the power cord is on a modem. I can usually describe it to the clueless callers and they can eventually find it in about a minute, but one call really makes me wonder if maybe we should be teaching basic electronics as a class in high school. Oh yeah, this person also could not get through their head what modem lights are which made it much more irritating.

M= Me

C= Clueless caller

M: Thank you for calling (ISP NAME) this is Me how may I help you?

C: Yeah, my internet is down and I really need it up.

M: (Yeah you and everyone else) Sorry to hear that, let's just check on a few things and I will see what I can do to get you back up.

C: Sounds great.

M: Okay, what lights are currently lit on your motorola?

C: *Silent for a couple of moments* I don't understand what you mean.

M: Your modem...you are familiar with where it is correct?

C: Yeah the Motorola on my desk.

M: (I'm surprised she understood that now) Okay, look at the Motorola and tell me what lights are lit on there. You should have power, send, rec--

C: I still don't understand what you are talking about, you are going to have to not talk so technical. I'm not that computer-literate.

M: (I'm getting irritated now. I don't see how I'm being all THAT technical) Okay, there are a series of labels on there that say PWR, SND, RCV, PC ACT, and online. Next to those are a series of green colored plastic lines that light up when things are working on each one. Which ones are working?

C: Oh you mean the buttons? I see PWR button lit, SND, and RCV is flashing. RCV has been doing that for a couple minutes

M: (I really want to tell her that they are not buttons but think better of it) Okay looks like the modem isn't getting online for you. I need you to go unplug the power cord from the back of the modem, wait one minute and then--

C: Whoa slow down, where's the power cord?

M: Looking at the back of the modem you should see three cables plugged into it. None of them should look like the other except maybe in color. The power cord is the one that is round looking at the point where it plugs in to the modem, it doesn't twist in...it's simply pushed in there.

C: you mean this one that looks like a phone cord?

M: (Sighing to myself) No that's the ethernet cord (and frankly the plug part isn't really round at all) it's the only with the skinny cord.

C: Oh, the coax cable?

M: (face palm) No it's the last one. (Is a coax cable skinny? Jeesh)

C: (She's silent for a minute)

M: Did you unplug the power cord?

C: No, I was supposed to?

M: (for crying out loud! Yes, you idiot) Yeah, and after you do we're going to wait a minute and then I want you to plug it back in when I give the word.

One minute goes by.

M: Okay plug it in. Let me know here during the next minute what lights are coming on.

C: I told you there are no lights are the modem, just these buttons.

M: (Serious can she be this stupid? I decide once again to let it go) Okay the buttons, which ones are lighting up?

After a few minutes all of them now are and we are able to get a connection now

M: Okay looks like you're all fixed up.

C: Thanks a lot. Before you leave the line can you do me one more thing?

M: (Uh oh) Sure...

C: Could you explain to me how to do this again in case it happens again?

A part of me died that very instant, but yes, I had to explain it to her again. Thankfully she got it much faster that time or at least I was led to believe she did. I wish I could say she was the only caller I get like this but as I said above it's just not the case.