Tales From Technical Support Content
Okay - user forum with noobies asking questions. Some of them are so basic as to make you weep when you read it....
"I borrowed a laptop and I can't figure out how to turn it on. Where is the on button?"
No information as to make or model - just the confident expectation that someone can look into their monitor and SEE this strange laptop through the power of the internet.....
"I can't get my computer to turn on..or it turns on but I get a black (or blue) screen."
Again - no information as to make, model, operating system, or any error messages that they might have seen in the last few days......
Options include dead hard drive, dead power supply, dead a/c adapter for a laptop, or any of a long list of ideas - but no way to reach through the screen on my computer to get a look at their computer screen - or even notice if they are having a power outage in their area.
"I think that I have a virus on my computer, what should I do?"
At this point, shoot yourself. Seriuously, if you are too naive and ignorant to install at least one of the many FREE anti-virus programs or buy & install one - then you really are probably too ignorant to be able to use a computer. Especially if you mention that you are using an expensive new gaming computer with a high end graphics card, 16GB or more of RAM, and a hard drive of 1T or more. Partly because I'm jealous and partly because if you don't KNOW to use an anti-virus or malware removal tool on your computer - then you really don't know enough to get your money's worth out of the magnificent computer that you just bollixed up.
"Can I upgrade the graphics card in my laptop?"
I really, really hate seeing this one - none of the 437 posters in the last week who have posted the same question have done a search on any website or search engine before posting it to THIS forum in the last three hours. Or they would know that the answer is "no"!
Not unless you spent enough money on that laptop that you could have bought a used CAR in farily good shap instead - because consumer grade laptops are not built to be upgraded but to be replaced in a year or two (whenever they can convince someone to plunk down another $300 or so for THIS YEAR'S model).
The chip is made small to save space and is almost always soldered to the motherboard. Look at the graphics specs before you buy a computer instead of buying one and then deciding that you need to upgrade it.
Or at least look at the specs that your game calls for and check that information against the specs on the laptop.
Person of unknown gender on the computer information forum - "My computer hasn't been updated since (twenty years ago) and it still works fine - my grandson thinks that I need to replace it. What do you suggest?"
+++ +++ +++ +++ +++
I personally think that a twenty year old should be in a museum - as an exhibit. I can understand a teenaged boy thinks it should be replaced - he hasn't had FUN playing any of the games on it since he was FOUR!
I suggested tactfully that it might be time to replace it as there had been a lot of changes in twenty years and many ISPs no longer support any operating systems that came out before Windows XP.
A twenty year old computer?
You've gotta be kidding me.....where would you find parts, if anything failed?
Ring! Ring!
Tech : Hi, you have reached **** with ***** support, how can I help you today?
Cust : I know you will not be able to help me, I need to talk to the highest person.
Tech : The highest person? You mean my supervisor?
Cust : No! Idiot! I want to talk to the highest person.
Tech : The highest person, ma'am?
Cust : YES! Are you stupid?
Tech : The highest person? Do you want to talk to God?
Well - now I've heard everything - someone was complaining about their laptop getting buggy & not working properly.
Not malware - roaches....
I've read numerous stories on this site (in fact, going through to read them ALL now... :) ) and have previously submitted a couple of my own. Here's another one that happed to me just a few months ago or so. My friend's daughter was playing in my room, and as usual, she likes to play with stuff she's not supposed to despite the fact she (should) know(s) better. So she's touching buttons on my computer. Ok, no big deal, happens all the time. Well, this time was different. Power Button = System Shutdown. Little did I know, it was a permanent shutdown. NOTHING I did worked. So I took in the system and, fearing the worst, had it tested. Turns out it was just the power supply. So how in the world did it run so long just fine and then it just not work anymore? So after saving up for a bit (low on funds at the time), I finally got a new, more powerful, PS. So after finally getting that installed, it just wouldn't boot. Luckily, being a general techie having grown up around computers and studying them practically all my life, I remembered a trick I learned a while back. Turns out because it was off for so long, it didn't want to boot up without fresh memory (dunno why, but sometimes it just happens). So, remembering this trick, I removed and reseated the RAM. After doing so, it booted just fine and works good as new...well, in terms of power anyway. The actual software is another story altogether. Just thought I'd share this little experience. Maybe I'll have another one or two in the future, who knows.
User was surprised to learn that wireless mouse needed a transmitter--USB dongle--to work. How else is the computer supposed to know what the mouse is doing? Telepathy? Magic?
Another user needed to be gently told that--yes--they do need batteries.
Look, I'm not a tech snob and don't expect you to be able to memorize the IC chip pinout (I knew a tech who actually did this, but that's another story), but c'mon, it might be fun to find out the basics of how this stuff works.
My name is Bernie. I took a call one day that ready had my mind going.
Answering the call with a warm hello and thank you for calling...
The man started with telling how he has no internet and thinks that the security software is the issue.
I went through the steps to check the Security and disable to software and even boot in ‘safemode/safeboot with networking’ and finally to check that the Ethernet cable (network cable was connected properly. when I asked him to look under his table to check that the cable if secure and plugged in. He said to me that it is a little dark and needs light under his desk (35min into the call). He confirmed that the cable is secure and connected. I went on to advise him that there does not seem to be an issue with his PC but may wish to call his ISP (Internet Service Provider) to see if there are any issues with his broadband/internet. He was very thankful and I ended the call. after updating the system and having gone for a cigarette outside it hit me 'Electricity'.
I called the customer back and asked him 2 questions, it there electricity in the house and to turn on the light in the room. He responded 'no'. next question, are you using a laptop? He responded 'yes'.
The issue is the laptop still has power on the battery to power it but unfortunately it is not powering the rest of the house to get the router/modem and other equipment needed to get to the internet. The customer laughed and thank me and the business for helping him and for calling him back and saving him a lot of time.
The moral of everything in SC (customer Service) is going the extra mile does make the difference even to the very out of this world calls.
No Question is stupid, Not asking is stupid.
Ok, Here's another I just thought of. So in Feb I started a new job. Well, it's basically call center work, let's just put it that way. One day, one of my co-workers who I've gotten to know called me over to her workstation and said the monitor didn't work. Well, since I was the tech of my friends, I knew what to look for. In checking all the connections, I found the monitor had been unplugged. Turned out it was because someone else was being childish and wanted to sit by her friends, so she unplugged it in order to make sure no one else sat there. She said, "Oh...you figured it out." Uh, yeah...first off, that's childish behavior and secondly, you're not supposed to even touch the systems. HUR-DUR!!
I had a user with a major name brand laptop whose rubber feet on the bottom of the machine had fallen off. So since it was under warranty, I called the major name brand support and asked them to send me new feet. They sent me a rubber kit with every possible rubber piece known to man. Except the feet. Oh and they also sent me an RMA to send back the defective part. Seriously? An RMA for missing feet? What do I send them? Air? Bubble wrapped?
So I called them again. They dutifully sent me another package of rubber things - the exact same ones. So I called back. This time the tech on the other end informed me that the feet on this model are attached, so he has to send me the entire bottom of the laptop to replace two tiny missing rubber feet. He asked if I wanted a tech to come out to replace it, and since they were paying and I personally was getting way too much joy out of the growing absurdity, I agreed. Thankfully, they sent the guru of our area...the best desktop FSE in all of Christendom. He called me and told me that what they said was ridiculous. All I had to do was pull the feet off of the new part and replace them on the new machine. I couldn't get them to budge. Thankfully he was in the area, and agreed to stop by for about ten minutes. In that time, he swapped the rubber parts and took the new part, now with missing feet, to send back to the manufacturer. Wow.
All that drama for two little rubber feet.
I hate HP.
Laptop just back from factory for warranty repair (graphics chip & motherboard replaced). I moved the ethernet cable around behind the docking station to hook it back up before turning the laptop (in the docking station) and the external monitor on.
Horrors - the monitor is blank! Cue dithering for thirty seconds while I stare in horror at the black screen.
Do a hot undock (set up for it) and open the laptop - the screen is fine. Play with the external monitor (it is nowhere near new - at least six years old, possibly ten) for five minutes. Decided I might have to go get the *spare* monitor from upstairs.
Rememember moving the ethernet cable and remember way too many tales on here of someone reporting an issue that turns out to be a loose cable.
Pull out the docking station & check all the cables plugged into it (monitor on button is glowing - so it has power). Think a minute and check the other end of the monitor cables. When I touch the power cable, it falls out....apparently it was ONLY getting enough power to turn on the light behind the on switch!
At least nobody but me had to feel dumb that afternoon! And I've been hearing about loose connections & unplugged cables for over twenty-five years, from DH, techier-than-thou friends, and even my MOTHER (who taught computer classes at night school in the 1980s and 1990s)
Telling on myself also. A new trend at Tech Tales?
Reinstall of Windows on a notebook.
Device Manager says no drivers missing.
Audio, Video, LAN and WiFi ok.
Browses ok wirelessly.
Demoed to client just before he pays and takes it away.
*********
*********
A few days later client calls, he can't connect wirelessly.
Can't locate any connections.
Phone support useless.
He brings it back.
(Of course at the same time as a scheduled ram upgrade in 60 min or less)
I've only just started troubleshooting and he comes back from lunch/shopping/errands
and is steamed I'm not finished.
(It's a 30 minute drive for him each way.)
A new work order, he leaves it at my shop.
(Now we're both inconvienced.)
Device manager says ok, Intel update finishes without saying success or failure.
A visual inspection shows no physical switch or a keycap with the wifi symbol.
Near the power and hard drive in use LEDs there a dark wifi light.
Above and between the f4 and f5 there's another dark wifi light.
Wait.
Why are there two lights?
I press the wifi symbol, it glows and the 'device connected' sound plays.
Networks are detected.
Why yes, I have been doing this job for many years.
this happened to me last night. Take note that I was on for about 3 hours trying to get this sorted with Bell phone and Samsung livechat support, both of which kept telling me to contact the other. I am trying to install Ice Cream Sandwich on my Galaxy S-II. But this last guy I spoke with takes the cake.
DT - dumb tech
me
DT: **** tech support, how may I help you?
me: hi, I've been trying for about 3 hours now to download this firmware update and when it gets to 100%, it says "Cannot convert to update mode. Please try again later." I'm trying to use Kies for it. (Note: Kies is the only option they have available on the website to download and install it)
DT: What operating system are you using?
me: Mac OSX
DT: umm...I don't KNOW if it's possible to download it using that OS but let me check -rapidly puts me on hold before I can say I know for a fact it is possible-
-ten minutes go by on hold-
DT: um...ok so apparently it IS possible...but I don't know if its the same thing
me: ok, all Kies is, is a client that downloads the file and installs it...there's no difference in functionality between Mac and PC
DT: yes there is! mac is a DMG and windows is an EXE! it always works on windows because it's an EXE file but on mac it's a DMG! it's totally different!
me: look, Kies is just a CLIENT! it downloads the SAME file whether it's mac or windows! functionality is EXACTLY THE SAME between the two!
DT: no, kies is a PROGRAM! functionality is TOTALLY DIFFERENT! it's a DMG not EXE! EXE won't work on Mac because it's not a DMG! a DMG is a disk image! it's totally different and won't work!
me: -facedesk- it downloads the SAME FILE!!
DT: I'm sorry we don't support Kies. Call samsung.
me: -speechless- they told me to call you. is there-
DT: -cuts me off before I can ask if there's an alternative- Nope, we don't support Kies. Your issue is with them. Call Samsung.
me: ok, I really recommend you learn about operating systems and how programs actually work. Goodbye.
SERIOUSLY...most UNHELPFUL tech support I've EVER received...where do they find these guys?
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