Funny and Humorous Technical Support Tales and Stories

Submitted Tales From Technical Support

Tales From Technical Support Content

They're spying on me!
Posted 12/01/2006 by Anonymous Tech Supporter

I worked in tech support for only about four months, but I have enough stories to fill a novel. I'm not incredibly

tech-savvy myself, but the call center basically gives you everything you need to figure out how to fix the problem

even if you don't really understand what it is you're doing. My favorite episode happened right at the beginning of

my short tech-support career.

I got a call from a very upset man who believed that we (major american isp)

were spying on his bank account. Though my powers of deduction I finally determined the root of his paranoid

rantings. Whenever he signed into his bank's online access page, a pop-up ad for our banking program would appear on

the screen. Feeling confident that this was an easy problem to fix (just needed to disable pop-ups on his browser) I

told him what he had been experiencing was in fact only a pop-up ad and that I'd be glad to help him take care of

that problem. This man absolutely refused to believe his 'problem' was that simple.

man: "I want you to

cancel my account with this service! I never signed up for this!"

me: "Sir, I understand that you never signed

up for it, but I'm trying to explain that you have no account for me to cancel."

man: "Take me off it!!"


"Sir, what you're seeing is a pop-up ad for our banking services. It has absolutely no affect on your bank account.

It is only an advertisement."

man: "You're not doing what I'm asking you to do! Your company is spying on my

bank account and my activity on my bank account! I want to cancel my service with you if you don't take me off this

'wallet' service!"

me: "I'm sorry to hear that you'd want to cancel your internet service with us. I can get you

over to the people that can help you accomplish that, however, there's no need for such drastic measures, Sir. Your

bank's website has other advertisements, yes?"

man: "Yeah."

me: "This 'wallet' ad you see come up when you

log in is the same thing. It's nothing more than an advertisement. It in no way tracks what you are doing in your

bank account. I assure you it is harmless. I can walk you through the steps needed to disable pop-up ads so you

won't ever have to see it again."

man:"....(long silence)....Not seeing it isn't going to change what it's

doing! Take me off the service! I don't want it!"

And so on for a half hour before my supervisor came over

to ream me about having such a long call. The only thing I hated more than dealing with people like this guy was

trying to get the supervisors to lift a frakking finger to HELP ME when I had no other options. After another twenty

minutes of the push and pull, my sup finally decided to take over. She proceeded to spend another HOUR telling this

man the very same things I had been saying for the better part of the last hour. IIRC, the call ended with him

deciding to cancel his service with us, and he was transferred to the retention department...which I'm sure sent him

over the edge into a homicidal rage. If you've ever tried to cancel service with my old company, you'd believe this

to be true as well.

The 'smart' ones and the clickers
Posted 12/01/2006 by Anonymous Tech Supporter

The worst tech support calls come from the customers who know a little bit. Like the lady who has to have it

explained to her why her old DOS command MEM does not properly report her memory in Windows XP...three times by me

and once by another tech in the space of a week. Or the lady who asks for a network cable and, when you ask her if

it is an ethernet cable, she snaps back, "I said a network cable!" Then you have to try not to act too smug when you

explain that there are many types of network cables, the most common of which is ethernet and, of that type, there

are patch and crossover varieties.

And clickers are the absolute WORST!



m: Okay, I'll just walk you through a few things. Right click on this and left click on that.



m: Don't get ahead of me. Just right click

on this and left click on that.

c: I am.


Okay, now I'm in this screen. I was in here

earlier. This won't fix it.

m: Okay, you don't need to be in there. Close that and start over. Just

right click on this and left click on that.

c: Wait...


Just wait...


Give me an idiot any day, but

please, God, not a clicker!

A boy named Sue
Posted 12/01/2006 by Anonymous Tech Supporter

I have been a computer technician in my town for almost 6 years now, so I have seen a lot of them,

but the one that takes the cake is actually when I CALLED tech support. In fact, I have MADE more

annoying tech support calls than I have received. The dumbest people I have dealt with have been the

psudo-techs, not the customers! (I'm sorry, I don't know my name. I'm already out of the screen that

had that information...come on, you've all gotten them!)

First of all, I am a man. I do not

have a high voice and it is very obvious, even on the phone, that you are talking to a man. I was

called ma'am only once before and then it was an old lady, she was behind me and I had hair down to

my...waist. I wasn't speaking then.

I had a customer bring her computer in because she

could not get on the internet. I looked up the phone number for her ISP, which is a big name

nationwide company which advertises on television a lot (not AOL). A man answers the phone with a

thick accent. I explain to him that I was a tech working on the system of Susan ???? and I needed to

check some settings, to which the tech replies, in very thick Indian accent, "Hello, Susan. How may

I help you?" I paused for a second, then explained (again) that I wasn't Susan, I was a tech working

on the system. He promptly replied that he could do nothing to help me if I wasn't Susan. Now if

customers ask for help with their dialup, if they deal with this company the only help I will give

them is to help them choose another ISP. Otherwise, they're on their own.

Music can do ANYTHING
Posted 12/01/2006 by anonymous tech

I was recently working on a users computer, who was from our warehouse. The hard drive had gone bad,

and the cd was pretty much shot too.

So I got on the online chat with the tech support for this

big computer company (who shall remain nameless) because the computer was still under warranty.


went through determining the hard drive was bad, then the following conversation transpired:


is there anything else I can do for you today?

ME: Yes, I tried to boot from the XP CD and the

drive does not boot. Since the hard drive is bad, it says OS not found

Tech: Can you try another


ME: I tried one diagnostic CD and two different XP CD's, but if you like I have an unopened

XP cd I can try.

Tech: No, that's okay, but can you try a Music CD?

ME:A music CD? how will

that work if the computer will not boot up?

Tech: Is there anything else I can do for you today?

ME: The CD still will not boot!

Tech: (after long delay) Oh, that's because the hard drive

is bad

ME: You're saying that it will not boot from CD because the hard drive is bad???



ME: After delay, then tell me, why is it that when I took an identical machine and unplugged

the hard drive, it still booted from CD?

Tech: Huh?

Tech: is there anything else I can do

for you?

The next day I received a hard drive and CD drive.

If a box pops up, read it!
Posted 12/01/2006 by L. Lloyd

As the resident geek I get people in the neighborhood popping in now and again to ask for help with

their computers. This one I got a couple of weeks ago, thought ya all would enjoy it.


neighbor comes on over and ask for help with a word document, couldn't figure out why it was locked.

So I wander on over to her place to look at it. She loads up the document, closes a pop up box, and

Word 2k3 loads in the document. She then leaves me to my own devices to which I closed the document,

reopened the document, read the pop up.

Sure enough, she hadn't registered Word 2k3 with

Microsoft yet and the trial had expired. So after asking if she had internet and finding out she

didn't. I pulled up the register by phone box and then patiently explained she needed to register

the program with Microsoft then it would work fine. Call this number here, give this number to the

system, and put the number they give into this box, and it'll work fine. With that all said and

done, left her with the phone and went home.

Haven't heard from her since! :D

Pc Box
Posted 12/01/2006 by Kenneth Miller

I have a sales rep here at my work who has been having problems with their home pc. Speaking with

her a few weeks back, I told her to bring in the Computer Box as I didnt need the mouse, keyboard or

monitor. I told her to do this whenever she got the chance to do so. A few weeks went by and she

came into my office today carring the box. I told her I would get to it in a few hours to see what

was wrong with it. Well a few hours later I went over to the box and opened it up. Sure enough she

brought me the Computer box the computer came in and the styrofoam packing materials.


told her I fixed it and she can pick it back up...!!

No Title
Posted 12/01/2006 by Anonymous Tech Supporter

I live in Maryland, just outside of Washington. Every so often I see a metro bus with an ad that

reminds drivers to keep their attention focused to the road. The ads say "Hey slick - you can email

the office later." I can only assume the folks who thought up this ad are the same folks that call

tech support while cruising down the highway wanting to know why their laptops can't connect...

See No Keyboard Hear No Keyboard
Posted 12/01/2006 by Isilington

Greetings! I have been reading this site for a couple of years since I did tech support for (rhymes

with) HBC Nahoo Dsl and never found the need to submit a story. But i was on the other end of the

chair just a couple of minutes ago and the old addage is true: Its not always the user. My adopted

Mom is having trouble with her wireless keyboard. It is a (rhymes with)Mell Dimension e310 with no

ps/2 ports on the back, all usb or wireless on this one. So I go and do the standard trouble

shooting. Check the battries, Try to reset the keyboard and reciever, Unplug the usb connection and

power up and replug it in. Nothing is working, Mouse works fine, keyboard is dead in the water. Now

she has a password on Windows XP when you boot up, this is essential later on. So trying to save

myself the phone call i get on their support site and go in the support chat (thinking that there is

some trick I am missing) posing as her to avoid the hassle. (her name has been edited just for the

H*ll of it.) Note some of the time stamps near the middle and end.

12/13/2006 02:46:37PM

Session Started with Agent (TARUN)

12/13/2006 02:46:50PM Agent (TARUN): "Thank you for

contacting Mell Technical Support. My name is Tarun and my rep ID number is ########. How may I

assist you today?"

12/13/2006 02:47:18PM Me (posing as her): "Hello i am having issues with

my Mell wireless Keyboard and Mouse combo"

12/13/2006 02:47:49PM Agent (TARUN): "Okay. I

understand your concern and I will personally attend to your matter. I assure you that I will do my

best to provide you quality service."

12/13/2006 02:47:54PM Me: "it seems that the reciever

is not detecting the keyboard but it will detect the mouse"

12/13/2006 02:47:55PM Agent

(TARUN): "I ll be glad to assist you. Please give me 3 minutes to pull up your account information.

In the meantime I would like to inform you that you might get an invitation to participate in a

survey at the end of this session. You will be asked to rate our inte"

&nbsp raction on a scale

of 1 to 5 with 5 being very satisfied. In order to participate in the survey, you must close the

chat by selecting the "Exit" button.

12/13/2006 02:48:13PM Me: "k"


02:48:51PM Me: "while you are doing that here is a list of things that i have done"


02:49:25PM Me: "I have powered down the comp and unplugged the reciever, rebooted and plugged it

back in"

12/13/2006 02:49:39PM Agent (TARUN): "Okay. Kindly go ahead."


02:50:00PM Me: "i have hit the reset switches on the bottom of the kb first and then the reciever"

12/13/2006 02:50:14PM Connie Honeyman: "i have replaced the battries"


02:50:26PM Agent (TARUN): "okay."

12/13/2006 02:50:35PM Me: "now i am at a loss"


02:51:22PM Agent (TARUN): "Do not worry I am there to help you."

12/13/2006 02:51:55PM

Agent (TARUN): "May I have your telephone number and area code to update our records?"


02:52:18PM Me: "sure ###-###-####"

12/13/2006 02:52:30PM Agent (TARUN): "Thank you."

12/13/2006 02:53:07PM Agent (TARUN): "As per the records with me you have a Dimension e310 ,

with Windows XP MCE Edition installed as an operating system on it. Am I correct? Is this the

product you need assistance with?"

12/13/2006 02:53:33PM Me: "You are correct"


02:53:42PM Agent (TARUN): "Okay."

12/13/2006 02:53:46PM Agent (TARUN): "Since how long have

you been facing this issue?"

12/13/2006 02:54:54PM Me: "it has happened off and on for

about a month any time it storms and the power goes out, or if the usb plug is removed or sometimes

for no reason at all."

12/13/2006 02:55:15PM Agent (TARUN): "Okay. Have you made any

hardware or software changes to the system?"

12/13/2006 02:55:33PM Me: "none at all"

12/13/2006 02:55:40PM Agent (TARUN): "okay."

12/13/2006 02:55:53PM Agent (TARUN): "Are

you using the same system to chat with us, with which you are facing the issue?"


standard script questions, I understand, i've been there.)

12/13/2006 02:56:09PM Me (posing

as her in case you forgot): "no i am not i am using my sons computer"

12/13/2006 02:56:15PM

Me: "we have a home network"

12/13/2006 02:56:35PM Agent (TARUN): "Okay. Are you near the

system with which you are facing the issue?"

12/13/2006 02:56:45PM Me: "yep its about 5ft

from me"

12/13/2006 02:58:08PM Agent (TARUN): "Can you perform the troubleshooting steps

which we have to do?"

12/13/2006 02:58:20PM Me: "sure"

12/13/2006 02:58:35PM Agent

(TARUN): "Great."

12/13/2006 02:59:04PM Agent (TARUN): "Before beginning are you also using

the wireless mouse ?"

(I said that at the beginning didn't I?)


02:59:52PM Me: "yes i am"

12/13/2006 03:00:23PM Me: "it goes through the same reciever"

12/13/2006 03:00:50PM Agent (TARUN): "That means both the keyboard and mouse are wireless."

(I would hope so....)

12/13/2006 03:01:04PM Me: "that is correct"


03:01:41PM Agent (TARUN): "Okay."

12/13/2006 03:03:04PM Agent (TARUN): "Press and release

the Connect button on the right side of the keyboard, then immediately press and release the Connect

button on top of the receiver. (An ink pen or paperclip is needed to press the Connect button on the

keyboard) Wait 30 seconds"

&nbsp . Press and release the Connect button under the mouse, then

immediately press and release the Connect button on top of the receiver. (An ink pen or paperclip is

needed to press the Connect button on the mouse).

12/13/2006 03:04:41PM Agent (TARUN):

"Once we are done let me know."

12/13/2006 03:04:55PM Me: "just got finished"


03:05:38PM Agent (TARUN): "Is it working fine now?"

12/13/2006 03:05:52PM Me: "still having

the same issue, mouse works, keyboard doesn't"

12/13/2006 03:07:20PM Agent (TARUN): "Okay"

12/13/2006 03:07:30PM Agent (TARUN): "I appreciate your patience. I am still looking

through my resources and would request you to allow me another 2 minutes to look into the issue."

12/13/2006 03:07:44PM Me: "sure thing"

12/13/2006 03:09:07PM Agent (TARUN): "Thank

you for staying online. I appreciate your patience."

12/13/2006 03:09:32PM Agent (TARUN):

"Let us go ahead to Start and then to Control panel."

12/13/2006 03:10:59PM Me: "there is a

password on my machine so right now before it will go to the desktop i have to type it in, lol so we

might have a problem with that :)"

(You know.... the whole keyboard issue.)


03:13:34PM Agent (TARUN): "No problem I will wait till you reach there."

(Wait all you

want, it ain't happening)

12/13/2006 03:14:08PM Me: "i cannot type in the password because

the keyboard doesn't work"

12/13/2006 03:15:27PM Agent (TARUN): "You can plug in some good

known keyboard ."

12/13/2006 03:15:59PM Agent (TARUN): "We have to log on to windows before

we begin further troubleshooting."

12/13/2006 03:16:52PM Me: "i would but this model of

dell doesn't have a ps/2 connection because they went with the whole wireless thing"


03:17:06PM Me: "and i do not have any other usb keyboard"

12/13/2006 03:17:18PM Me: "just

ones with a ps/2 connection"

12/13/2006 03:19:49PM Agent (TARUN): "Kindly put in the PS 2

port (purple ) in color."

(Don't you have the product info in front of you?)


03:21:30PM Agent (TARUN): "I am afraid there is no PS 2 connector behind this system tower."


12/13/2006 03:21:50PM Agent (TARUN): "You have to try for USB keyboard."

(Nope don't have one as i just said)

(I just said all of this about 5 min ago......)

12/13/2006 03:22:57PM Agent (TARUN): "What I can do best is I can provide you the we blink

which will easily guide you how to troubleshoot your keyboard."

12/13/2006 03:23:08PM Agent

(TARUN): "Is it fine with you?"

(getting tired of this almost 45 min chat session of


12/13/2006 03:23:24PM Me: "go for it"

12/13/2006 03:24:39PM Agent



12/13/2006 03:25:08PM Agent (TARUN): "Kindly go through this weblink and it will easily guide

you ."

(After I downloaded this and then went to go install Adobe Reader I opened it to

find that it was the docs that came with the pc. Some walkthrough....)


03:25:40PM Me: "sure, peace out"

Now what I am going to do is wait until she gets home and

then I will get her account info. Then its phone call time to see if we can get either someone

smarter, or get the stupid thing replaced. Thanks for hearing my story, I may post more of my

personal ones later. Take care :)

Put The Kettle (Lead) On
Posted 12/01/2006 by Garry Seymour

I work for a large company that supports recruiting and training centre pc's. There was a call that

came in regarding a downed server. I called the site up and went through the usual troubleshooting

procedures. Having dicovered that the UPS was down and both PSU's were attached to it, I suggested

to the user that he find another kettle lead and plug one of the PSU's into a wall socket (I think

you can guess where this is going)...

In all seriousness, the user said to me...


don't have any kettles on site. We only have an urn"

How I kept a straight face when

explaining what a kettle lead was I don't know!

No Title
Posted 12/01/2006 by Anonymous Tech Supporter

I usually have no problem with Apple's tech support, but I must have gotten a particularly braindead

worker. Having worked as a fieldtech for years I know how easy it is, my call was supposed to be a

formaility but...

A: Apple

M: me

all in all, this took me 40+ minutes.

A: Welcome to Apple tech support, how may I be of service?

M: Hi, I recieved my Macbook

[serial number] today, and it's dead on arrival.

A: please hold

*of course....*


Hello, this is [name] from customer service, you macbook is broken?

M: Yes, it refused to start

ever since...

A: I'll put you through to Tech Support

M: I just...

*annoying elevator


A: Welcome to Apple tech support, how may I be of service?

M: I just got refered here

from CS, and I'd like to report my macbook DOA.

A: Allright sir, Do you have the laptop with


M: yes, the type is [type]

A: thank you, do you have it on?

M:'s Dead

on Arrival.

A: Could you please turn it on then?

M: uhhhh, I'd love to, but it won't start.

A: Just press the round butt,

M: I know HOW to turn it on... but the laptop WILL NOT POWER


A: Do you have the laptop connected to the power?

M: *getting pissed* Yes, I've tried it

on battery, on power, it is connected to both the wall and the laptop, I didn't chop the cable, nor

have I opened the machine, the leads are all clear, I haven't done anything to the laptop. I have

owned it for a full 3 hours now.

*all those years as fieldtech and you can dream the standard


A: Allright sir, I need you to check if the power cord is connected to both the laptop and

the outlet.

M: ....Could I ask you a question? How many people are there in your department

right now?

A: 23, why?

M: So, If I call back, I wouldn't get you on the phone again?


I'm afraid not sir.

M: Good. *CLICK*

one 3-min call later got me an adress and

free shipping method for returning the laptop on the condition that if it was OK i pay for shipping.

No Title
Posted 12/01/2006 by Katharine

Not long ago, I worked for a local internet café. I always got many computer illiterate people, but

there was one special case.

He was called Crazy English Guy.

At first, it was

frustratingly little things. How to access email, why his inbox wouldn't pop up when he was logged

in (he'd sit there for 15 minutes or more looking at the screen when I logged him on, wondering why

he wasn't in his email). Then he asked how to access other windows when he'd click on a link and

another popped up. (He hadn't noticed the buttons in the toolbar)

But one day he brought in

his company laptop. We had wireless internet, and it was simple to set it up to the cafés network.

Well... it should have been.

I spent a good two hours trying to find out why it wouldn't

connect. I'd asked him all the basics- was there a built in wireless card, software, ect. Nothing

was working at all, and I couldn't understand it.

Finally, I explained to him fully how

wireless worked, and what he needed. He pulled out of his bag a wireless network card, and said "Oh!

This thing!" and laughed.

I was ready to kill.

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December 2006
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