Tales From Technical Support Content
Hearing this ending snippit of conversation from one of our resident phone-jockey's supervisor only made me wish I had sat down to check my e-mail BEFORE bringing that paperwork over to the big boss. A few minor "yeah but" sort of interruptions have been removed for sake of comedic timing:
"Look, I don't care whether or not it makes sense, THIS is the way the software works. You can't just DECIDE to do it another way! That's like saying 'I'm tired of using my feet when I drive, so I'll just push the wheel forward when I want to go! That'll work!'"
I have no idea what the initial problem was, and if there was a proper solution it was lost in the roar of laughter from all around.
Here is a response in a ticket from the Printer Support Group to a EU who will not be stopped:
This is an unsupported device. We DO NOT support this type of printer. The same way we do not support microwaves and dishwashers, they are simply UNSUPPORTED devices. The printer may have been purchased by XXX but that doesn't mean it gets supported. We have explained to the EU that we do not support but she is hoping to try and find a group that will support it.
i'm a simple local tech support guy who relies on word of mouth by family and friends for the occasional side job. yesterday i get a call from a neighbor a couple blocks over saying her computer wouldn't turn on and would make 'strange noises' when she pressed the power button. she asked if i had time if i could stop by later that day to take a look at it.
i didn't have any other plans and agreed.
after arriving at her house and getting situated at the computer i started to diagnose what the problem was.
while working, since she wouldn't leave me to my work, i casually brought up questions to figure out what she had done without seeming like i was irrigating her.
after about 5-6 minutes of working i stopped and dropped what i was doing. she said two words i never thought i'd hear when discussing a computer.
the previous day she was cleaning her house and noticed that a lot of dust was coming out the back of her computer. "grossed out" by this as she was a neat freak, she unplugged the computer, opened the case, and proceeded to use a blow dryer ON HEAT to try to clean the dust out. while i don't remember how long she said she was "cleaning" the inside of her computer, but i can say several parts were warped, power cables fused to devices, and dark spots on the places where she said "that's where it was really dirty and needed extra cleaning."
that was the first time i have told a person to throw away their computer and never buy another one.
I work as a software developer on a firm working mostly on PDAs, occasionally though (far too often for my liking) I have to do tech support, here's one of my stories:
I'm on the phone with a client and she has accidentally turned on the alpha key which does not allow her to write numbers, so I'm trying to make her push the alpha key again to turn it off
Me:Please press the orange button
Her:There is no orange button
Me:do you see the yellow button underneath the screen?
Her:yes
Me:go three buttons right
Her:ok
Me:ok one button down now
Her:ok
Me:what do you see?
Her:an orange butto...it's a bit yellowy
As everybody knows printing problems are amongst the main causes of trouble for the administrator and often are handed off to the junior of the IT dept.
In this case I was the IT manager, not the junior, but nevertheless users always seeked my advice and help for their Printing problems, despite I cared to tell them that "Ed" or "Tommy" were just as qualified as myself, and maybe more, at dealing with printer jams and the like.
Eventually, when I noticed that even people that were previously notified of the policy were blantantly disregarding it I decided to play little tricks on them, just for fun, while I was helping them, so I started inventing improbable causes for their printing problems and describing them while I was, most likely, hunting for specks of paper jammed because they tore the paper off the slot...
One of my favourite stories, and one that I could articulate pretty convincingly given that I trained as a physicist, was about microscopic black holes that formed in close proximity of printers because of the small particles of toner (aren't they microscopic and black, after all ?) being zapped by the laser beam and thus shooting off at lightspeed and, sometimes, if they zapped across the circuitry, they could "swallow" their print jobs.
Incredibly, the vast majority of people actually believed this pile of crap and showed stunned faces, oh, man, I should have filmed it !!
I had an elderly customer call me and she was having issues with her computer. I had to walk her through on how to get me on her computer remotely so I could look at the problem. So once she clicked on the help desk setup... I was on her computer. I said, "Ok, I see you now..." She freaked out and said "I am not even dressed and you can see me! Oh my goodness! Let me get clothes on!"
My manager told me to not ever do that again. I was merely looking at her computer screen and I almost put the woman in cardiac arrest. The laughter continued the rest of the day...
The story began one night while on call for a medical imaging company. I received a call from a CT Technologist from Florida who needed to turn on the green light on the monitor connected to his Macintosh computer. Since the Apple monitor received power from the Macintosh all he needed to do was turn on the Mac and it was done. When I told him to locate the keyboard for his Mac, and I told him it would be the keyboard with the multi-colored Apple at the top of it there was a LONG pause. The tech responded that they did not give him a keyboard for this computer. I told him to look for the "typewriter looking thing with a rainbow-colored apple at the top of it." and in a matter of seconds he had found it. I told him to locate the key at the upper right corner of the keyboard with a triangle turned on its side and then to press that. Again, the long pause, followed by the comment, "They did not give me any keys for this computer." I had to mute the phone because I began laughing so hard. After a few seconds I stopped and explained that he needed to find the button at the upper right corner of the typewriter looking thing with a triangle on it that was turned on its side and press it. He exclaimed after less than 2 seconds that he had found it and I heard the Macintosh startup chime in the background. He was so excited and he said the green light was on and he hung up the phoen before I could make sure it was going to startup all the way for him.
What makes this tale particularly frightening is the fact he was a CT Technologist. He administers doses of radiation to patients to obtain pictures via a CT machine. The CT is configured and via one of those typewriter looking devices with the buttons on it (a keyboard for those not following along too carefully). If you are ever in NE Florida and are in need of a CT, I recommend going somewhere else to get a CT scan performed. The life you save may be your own!
I was taking tech support calls and received one from a radiologist at a hospital in Indiana. He was just calling to say how happy he was with the new trackball we sent to him; but he was a little concerned about its design because the ball kept falling away from the opening and the buttons were erroneously placed on the bottom of the unit at an inconvenient angle. I explained it was a mouse and if he turned it over and placed his hand on top of it and used the mouse it would work even better.
Amazing, 12 years of advanced education to hold a mouse upside down and complain about the buttons being inconveniently placed.
