Tales From Technical Support Content
Let me start by saying I am not a tech. Let me continue by saying that this is by no means my choice in the matter. I have applied to no less than three openings within my company's IT department, to always be passed over for someone being hired from outside the company.
I'm not bitter though, honestly. Especially since the girl who took over desktop support realizes I know what I'm doing, as I've helped her set up the new computers we use in the warehouse (once the one that the company got *used* more than *12* years ago finally died) as well as fix several problems without actually needing to get IT involved. But my immediate supervisor...
He's a good guy. Really. But he seems to have some innate desire to make things more complicated than they have to be. For instance, he'll turn off caps-lock, and then hold down the shift key to type something case-sensitive in that's all caps. What happened this morning though doesn't just take the cake, it takes the whole bakery.
We use a fairly old internal management software (aquired at the same time as the Methusela system I mentioned above) called MACS, which is an acronym for Mail and something something something. Not to say this thing is old, but it not only doesn't recognize the mouse, it doesn't recognize the *number pad* properly, the numbers themselves are fine but you need to use the "main" enter key as the numpad one gives an odd error. Needless to say, this thing's never heard of Windows, let alone knows how to access a print server.
Well, one of his reports gets "corrupted" (cause it couldn't possibly be that he accidentally set it up wrong, oh heavens no!) and instead of 2 pages of product receiving information, we get potentially-infinite pages of 0's and blanks space. No matter how many times we reset and cancel the printer, it just keeps coming. I say that they have to kill the MACS spool file.
Our network guy comes over, looks at it. Tells the printer to cancel the job (again) and resets it (again.) Still nothing. Checks the print server queue, and lo and behold there's nothing there. I say they have to kill the MACS spool file.
He leaves, and we're waiting for either the big-boss of IT to get in, or one of the 15 or so Joe's that work here to "take a look at it." I very carefully explain to my boss that it's the MACS spool file, because just like a problem we recently had with our order-process prints, it's completely avoiding Windows and anything visible through it, and going straight to the printer. He doesn't listen, and I can't just up and do it because I don't have the right restrictions or know the commands in this archaic mess of a system.
Big Boss comes over. Tells us to turn off the printer. Checks the spool file. Finds that it's been constantly telling the printer to keep printing no matter how much the printer is canceled/turnd off. Clears the spool file. Our morning order prints (that have now been waiting for 45 minutes) start coming out.
So why exactly am I still in the warehouse, instead of IT?
Sometimes the problem isn't the customer, or the tech, it's the sales-person..
I heard that our DHL driver was in the market for a computer. I asked him how much he was looking to spend, and he named off a Lled computer model, and the cost of it. Looking it up online, the next day I gave him a quote for one I could make for him, $400 less, and (literally) twice the power, complete with a list of all the parts I'd need. After looking it over that night, he asked if I could up the RAM from 2 gigs to 4... And then the trouble began.
The mobo I had picked out maxed at 2, so I started searching for one that would handle the same things overall, but take more RAM. Finally found one from ascendtech.us (name *NOT* changed to protect the innocent.) Order it. It comes in. Everything's fine, except the video slot is AGP, when it said PCI-express. I call up to complain, and I get this answer: "Oh, no sir, it clearly says the video card is AGP, but the expansion slots are PCI-E."
..... How in the world I didn't drop a nuke right then and there is beyond me. This company has a "restocking fee" policy, so I bite the 15 dollar bullet, return this one, and get one for what SHOULD work. A week later I get confirmation that they sent it, and another week later it arrives.
.... With no product box. Nor a CD, or manual. It does however have a fan replacing the printer slot, along with a great big honking heat-sink guarding God knows what that looks like someone soldered a poker-chip-holster to the motherboard, none of which matched the initial ad. Refurbished. And, *AND*, those 4 lovely RAM slots? Two were DDR-1, two were DDR-2, meaning the sticks now won't all work.. again not mentioned in the ad. Figuring I can at least pick up 2 2-gig sticks faster than anything else, I try to plug everything in... Nothing. Experimentation goes to prove that the processor mount is fried. Splendid.
Another call up. I explain to these schlubs that I am now nearly a month behind when I promised to have this guy's system to him, and have now received *two* improperly advertised products, one of which was refurbished when it was advertised as new *and* didn't work upon arrival. Their response? "Thank you sir, if you would like to exchange for another motherboard we can do that." They, of course, don't have any others of this model in stock. Meaning I have to shell out now $22 for a restocking fee and buy ANOTHER mobo. Because they sold me the wrong mother-board. Which doesn't work.
After spending a good ten minutes of my lunch break with the bio-robot on the other end of the line, I finally get put through to his manager. Another soulless automaton who refuses to accept any culpability on their end. Why am I calling these guys on my lunch break? Because their "support" center is only open about 4 hours a day, and they're closed by the time I get home.
The only silver lining in the whole mess it that my poor driver said he'd pay the extra for getting it from a local place instead of online as long as I ate those restocking fees.
So, word to the wise: Always check a company's return policy and independent sites' customer reviews before buyin!
My story is a little different. I'm in a team of three people who run a National computer network with a number of Linux and Windows servers, and provide IT Support for a number of different applications. Our computers at work are Dell, while I prefer using Apple Macs at home.
One day I heard a strange buzzing noise from my iMac's hard drive. To be safe I immediately made a backup of all my data (which I do on a weekly basis) and called the Apple Tech Support line. After getting through to an operator, I told them of the noise. The lady from Apple said for me to run diagnostic. I did and it came back fine. At this time the noise stopped. I told the tech support lady this, and she didn't seem to believe me. So we continued with another half an hour's worth of diagnostics. The hard drive didn't miss a beat and made no more noises.
Then the tech support lady asked me to format my hard drive using the Apple utilities. Fearing that I would have to reinstall my software which can take a good 6-8 hours, I refused. I then 'insisted' that the formatting would have no affect on my OS. I asked her for a guarantee and a second opinion. She put my on hold for five minutes, then returned saying her colleague said the format wouldn't affect the data.
For a mere second I thought that maybe this tech support lady might know something I don't, I relented and followed her instructions to format my hard drive ... guess what, my OS and data were lost.
The tech support lady then proceeded to tell me I had to reinstall all my software. I was furious and told her off. I also added she never once asked me if I had a backup of my data, or if I even had the time to reinstall everything. She said I should have thought of that 'before' calling Apple Support.
Goes to show ... there can be dumb-dumbs on both sides of the fence.
While perusing the archives here (having gone over a year without checking in, oi!) I read a story someone else had about computer teachers in school. Well, here's my take on it.
I was still in high school when the "big internet boom" happened, and let's just say that good old MD (my school's initials, not the state) was sllllightly behind the times.. I think they had just upgraded the year before to Macs that actually had *hard drives.* That said, during my Sophomore year they decided to implement a "computer programming" course.
By which I mean Basic. Not Visual Basic. Not Quick Basic. *Basic.* I'm surprised this thing could make shapes and colors.. Anyway.
The teacher chosen for this class was the librarian, because she had experience with computers. Something that most techs can attest to meaning "she knows how to turn it on." Well, she's teaching us Basic using the approved literature, and we've now gotten to the IF command. Here's the problem: she's never heard of an if/then block. Meaning if we want:
If A, then
If B, then
If C, goto blah,
we have to type
If A, and If B, and If C, then
If A, and If B, and If C, then
If A, and If B, and If C, then
If A, and If B, and If C, then
ad nauseum, for *every possible combination.* The scary part was that when my friend and I went up to ask why we don't use the block method as it's MUCH simpler, she got the same confused look on her face as my dog did the first time he got his hamburger-shaped chew-toy to squeak.
I was a front line tech support guy for car dealerships during the Y2K Crisis. We had to have all our dealerships patched early because the 2000 model year vehicles were coming out in 1999. I had 50 some-odd software patches to check at 600 some-odd dealers stretching from Texas in the East, to Guam in the West.
So one day I'm calling a dealer in New Mexico, they don't have a system administrator, one of their managers does all their accounting stuff and "oh, if they have time, they'll do some IT." This is not unusual for many companies, they simply cannot afford (or cannot understand why they cannot not afford) a dedicated system administrator.
"I understand you're very busy, and I'll make you a deal, if you can just put the CD in the drive I'll load the software from here..."
"You can do that?"
"Yes, I can do that."
So I wait 15 or 20 minutes, connect back up to the system. No disc in the drive. It's past closing time for them so I make a note to call them in the morning.
"Hey, I tried connecting to your system last night and it said there wasn't a disc in the drive..."
"Well, I put it in there..."
So now I'm thinking they totally forgot and are now RUNNING to the drive to put the disc in. 10 minutes later I connect and re-try. No disc in the drive. No disc in the drive. No disc in the drive.
So now I'm thinking it's a hardware problem. Check all the drive interfaces, all OK, check the OS level, all OK. Still no disc in the drive.
So I call back on the 3rd day...
"I know you said the disc is in the drive... and I believe you, but I still can't see it. Can I get you to check that the disc is in the drive label side up?"
"I know it's label side up! I CAN SEE IT!"
...
...
...
"You can see it? Can I get you to close the drive tray for me please? Yeah, thanks."
Now, I've complained about working in the warehouse of this software retailer/distributor instead of in the IT department... Frequently. But, at times I'm glad for it. Because there's some gems I would never have heard working on computers.
For instance, the person that calls me up and harangues me for sending something UPS ground instead of FedEx overnight. To which I point at the order comments that specifically give the UPS account number and to use ground that *she* entered. Apparently I'm supposed to not only remember the fact that I had previously shipped to these guys (once, some six months back) AND I'm a psychic and know that the intermediate company still wanted FedEx, despite clearly giving us their UPS number.
Then of course the wonderful tale from my old job of the printer that came in and apparently had been hit by a forklift.. I could see through the hole in the box, *through* the printer, and out the other side. The driver tried to insist I had to sign for it and then arrange for an RMA from the company instead of UPS being responsible..
But this one's the kicker. My boss just started laughing his head off in the next cubicle over, and relayed this story to me. Apparently, one of our sales reps had him look up the tracking for an order we shipped out. A year ago. After dealing with DHL's archives department, we found out that it was delivered and signed for by someone that actually worked there at the company still. Why did we have to do it?
Because these fine fellows just got an update as part of the maintenance package they got for a software bundle. Said software bundle costs ~ $1500, give or take a dozen how good the salesperson is. Well, upon receiving this update in the e-mail, the techie there goes to upgrade the software, but the upgrade doesn't run.
Because the software was never installed. Apparently this installation stuff was so mission-critical they justified not only the originall fifteen-hundred for it, but god knows how much extra for the upgrade assurance, then *never installed the damned thing* and nobody noticed for a whole year.
And yet we had to wait for our 12(!) year old computer's CPU to outright fail before our guys would get us a new one so it could keep up with the rest of the office's updates.
I really, honestly didn't mean to monopolize this month's entries, but I simply have to share this one.
Last night, a friend of mine messages me online. Says he can't get his new router working.. But before I can ask the obvious, says he's at his neighbor's appartment using HIS computer. Well alright.
I won't bore you wih all the details of stuff we tried over the next hour (which usually consisted of me giving 3 or 4 things to try, he runs over to do it, then comes back.. nice neighbor letting him do that for so long!) Turns out he didn't do anything silly, it really was a bum router.
Here's the silliness, not word for word of course. M = me, F = friend
M: It's a good thing you found this problem before hooking anything else up to the router.
F: What do you mean?
M: Well like.. Any other computers, your X-Box, anything like that.
F: I don't have anything else, just the one computer.
M: ??? uh, so then why do you have a router?
F: The lady I talked to when setting up with (ISP) said I needed it for a home network.
Now my friend has openly admitted he can use a computer fine but setting them up he's a dud. I don't fault him. I just can't figure out whether to yell at the sales lady who sold him a router he didn't need, or the tech that came out to install it and never bothered to ask where the other things to hook up go! He's going to talk to them today about getting getting a refund, once we hooked his computer directly into the wall all was good again.
Right after I got my tech degree a was hired as a technician for a large national office supply store that "Makes things Easy", if you get my drift. I mainly did diagnostics and upgraded customers machines. One day I get to work and had a note saying the computer on my work bench got first priority. Seems the machine wouldn't boot up. I opened the case and plugged it in and hit the power switch. I heard a loud pop and then the fun began. Roaches started pouring out of the power supply. Not just a few either. Hundreds. I quickly unplugged the machine and started spraying disenfectent all over it in the hopes that it would stop the hoard of bugs crawling out. Next I dropped the computer into a trash bag, tied it up and sprayed more disenfectent over it. I paged my mouse and told him that I had a machine full of bugs. He said and I qoute "well, just ran the virus removal programs and write up a ticket." I stated that I don't think the virus removal programs would work in this case and he should probably come take a look. Ten minutes later he walked in the door of my office and asked why a customers machine was sitting on the floor in a trash bag. I told him to take a closer look. He bent down and the quickly stood back up. As he was running out the door he shouted "put it outside by the loading dock and call the customer to pick it up, no charge for diagnostic". I called the customer and explained that the power supply had died because of insect infestation and we could not work on it, and that it need picked up by the end of the day or we would toss it in the trash. The customer calmly asked if it was roaches, because they had just had their house sprayed. My skin still crawls when I think about what kind of enviroment that computer was in to get hundreds of roaches in it. They didn't tell us in school that sometimes the bugs in a computer can be organic.
Me: Customer support, how may I help you today?
abUSER: Keyboard no work.
Me: Ok sir, when you say it's not working can you be more specific?
abUSER: It work yesterday, not now. You fix.
Me: So what happens when you type on it? Does anything you type get displayed?
abUSER (now hostile): Why you ASK ME QUESTION! FIX.
Me: Yes sir, I will get someone to fix your keyboard but in order to direct it to the right group I have to have a little more information. So when was the last time it worked ok?
abUSER (even more hostile): Before I wash in sink.
Me: Uh...could you repeat that sir? Did you say you washed it in the sink?
abUSER: That's what I say, I wash because dirty.
Me: Well sir, that would be why it is no longer working. Also I have to let you know that by washing it you have voided the warranty and will have to pay for a replacement.
abUSER (clueless): But it does not have not to wash, I should NOT have to buy a new keyboard!
Me: I'm sorry sir but there is nothing else I can do for you except to direct you to contact and explain the situation. Have a great day. Bye.
abUSER: BUT...BUT....
Me: CLICK
Whilst perusing some of the tales here, I was reminded of something that happened to me not too long ago. Being a little on the older side, not ancient but far from cutting edge, the fan on my video card was getting noisy. Mostly just a bit gunked up, a blast or two of canned air usually fixed the problem. But, one day, my computer starts freezing up, specifically when I'm playing some of the more graphics-intense games I enjoy. Needless to say, card gets hotter, fan gets louder, eventually crash. Vunderbar.
Thinking that it's a problem with heat, I go so far as to get a small desk-fan and stick it next to my computer.. The side of the case is off (hence why I always have a can of compressed air around, I blow it out at least once a month) so it does a wonderful job of keeping my system cool, and the problem goes away.. Mostly. Still get it ONCE in a while.
Well one day, I get a "The network cable is unplugged" message. Uh, no it isn't? I go into my appartment-mate's room and ask him if he's having any connection problems, he says no. I check, everything's plugged in there. I go back in my room, check the line into my ethernet card, *boi-oi-oing*.
.... Well THAT can't be good.
Seems somewhere along the line, I had unscrewed the holder-plate-thingy on my PCI ethernet card (Do I remember why? No) and never screwed it back into the side of the case. Slowly but surely, internal vibrations made it start wiggling itself half loose from the machine. Turn off, reseat, rescrew, turn back on, all's right with the world, thankfully it didn't totally fry.
My question is, how could the vibrations from that tiny little video card fan make it wiggle enough to conk out, but that big honking desk fan blowing *directly on it* never did!?
As a system administrator, I was writing a very straight procedure, involving just some mouse clicks. I wanted to be very clear on this, so I put print screens, I draw circles around buttons, I wrote signs like "click here", just to be very understandable. Few minutes after I sent the mail with the procedure I received a call from a user, saying the procedure is not working. I couldn't understand on the phone what is the problem, so I went to talk to the person. I asked to show me how is handling the procedure and I tried very hard not to laugh - the person was clicking on the pictures from the mail and not on the real application.
