Funny and Humorous Technical Support Tales and Stories

A person once called my colleage on my helpdesk. The Call went something tike this

support: Helpdesk XYZ speaking

customer: ah, yes, I would like to know my address

support: um ok... are you in the IBM building?

customer: yes yes

Support: well then ur address is L12, 123 Somewhere street someplace

customer: no no not that address

support: then which address?

cusomter: the other one

support: aren't you in the IBM building?

customer: no no I am in the building near the wharf

support: ah ok, well I don't know what your address is, ask the admin person

customer: no i know the street address .. i need the other address

support person pauses

support: other address? do you mean ur computer address?

customer: yes!

support: so you want your ip address?

customer: yes thats it

support: ok go to the command prompt and type ipconfig. You should see a number near IP address

customer: great thank you

support: did you want me to use the ip to connect to your PC to fix anything?

customer: no no i just want to know what it is

beep beep beep

I was called over to a neighbor, to take a look at his computer, as he appeared unable to get online. I sit down, and looks things over, and after some troubleshooting gets a virus scan running from a cd.

well, after removing something like 7 different viruses from a few hundred files on his computer, i tried to get the connection working again, to no avail. the ISP is refusing the connection.

so, obvious next step; call them. after mucking about a bit with a tech we find that the account is suspended for spreading viruses, which considering the viruses he had on his machine isn't exactly surprising.

up until now all is well. until i ask the tech to unlock the account, as i have now cleaned the viruses off the poor man's machine. let's pick up the conversation from here;

M: i have cleaned out the machine, could you unlock the account?

T: nope, i cannot do that from here, the only ones with access is our viral control departement.

M ok, fair enough, could you put me through to them?

T: nope, they do not have a phone number

M: Eh?

T: they do not deal with this over the phone, you have to send a request to them by email.

M: ok, let me get this. to get your ISP account unsuspended you are reliant on sending an email?

T: yes.

At this point i was rather baffled. I couldn't blame the tech either, if you do not have access, you do not have access. But the fellow that set up the system internally in that ISP i'd really like to have a chat with.

We solved this by sending the nessecary email from my computer at home, but i still wonder how other people would go about getting online again, after cleaning their systems of viruses.

I have worked for Gateway tech support now for awhile and out of all the calls for help I have had, this one has to take the cake.I can gaurantee you I did not end this call in the proper way.

I got a call from a guy in a hotel room, who had rented and was trying to watch a couple of porn DVDs on his portable system. When he inserted the first dvd it knocked out his whole system when he tried to play it. Of course any tech will know the issue here, pal format and wrong regioncode, but it blew out his system, after spending 20 minutes getting his system back up and running and aprizing him of what happened, at the end of the call the guy asked me to please stay on the line while he tried the disk one more time in case his computer crashed again.

I advised the customer if he hit the play button again and knocked the system out, his system would be immeadiately marked "do not support" Thank you for calling Gateway.

I was helping a woman with a screen-sharing program during an account setup process. All of the sudden, AdultFriendFinder pop-ups occur rapid fire. She then proceeds to ask "Why do I keep getting these sites?" It ran through my mind as to how I was supposed to explain the situation. Finally I said "Well, you generally get pop ups from sites that you have been to." She then said "Well my kids are the only ones who use this computer...I'm going to have to call you back."

I work at one of the last local ISP holdouts in California doing technical support. This is one of my many mental health adventure calls:

M = Me

C = Customer

M: Thank you for calling XXXXXX, my name is XXXXXX, how may I help you?

C: I singed up for service with your company yesterday and I can't get connected.

M: What type of service did you sign up for?

C: Internet service.

M: No, I meant what type of internet service? Dial up, DSL, etc?

C: Oh, dial-up.

M: What error message are you getting?

C: Umm... *some clicking sounds* no dial tone.

M: Are you calling me from your home phone?

C: No, I'm using my cell phone.

M: Ok. Please check the phone cable going from the back of your computer to the wall jack to make sure it is connected.

C: I don't need a phone cable.

M: What?

C: I said I don't need a phone cable, my computer is wireless.

M: *sigh* (Proceed to tell him WHY he needs a phone cable even though the laptop says it's wireless.)

The truly sad part about this is that I have received a variation of this call more then once from different customers...

This is from the very early days...

One night (c. 1982) our guest at the Atlanta PC Users' Group was a tech support guy from Hayes, the modem company. He told this tale.

A lady called and was having trouble loading the telecommunications program. He told her to insert the floppy disk (the old 5.25-inch kind) and close the door. He heard her fumble around a little with the computer, then footsteps, then an office door closing.

-- thank you for calling P****** how can i help u ?

- yeah, hi. My cup holder isn't working on my computer ..

-- sir, most computers don't come with Cup Holders .

- oh well, my PC has a Cup Holder, and it's not working, normally i press a buttom, and the Cup Holder comes out, and when i'm done, i press the button again and it goes back in

***hit***

eu was talking about his CD tray

**********

{{GrabBag.BangingHead}}

I work as a technician at a secondary school, the other technician got an email off one of the teachers asking about printer supllies for the Laser printer in his room.

Here it is

"do I need ink as well as toner and could you check the prices for me please???"

I was working for a popular ISP, receiving calls from end users, usually involving email or pwds, etc. One day I received a call from a teenager wanting help installing the dialer. The disc is VERY basic, plug it in and it installs. He tells me that it will not install, it's saying invalid disc. So I ask what version of Windows is he running. After a pause he tells me he doesn't understand. I ask, "Well, is it a PC or a MAC?" He tells me, "Neither, it's a SEGA-CD." I proceed to TRY to explain that it isn't possible to install our s/w on a SEGA-CD. He says "Yes, it will, because it fits"

For an introduction, I am 23 years old, I work alone as the Jr. Network Administrator for a transport company, my co-workers are located in Toronto...

I take care of a lot and obviously, my main priorities are support for our users.

So... here is my record.

I get this call from one of our managers, complaining about his computer not working.

He tells me

" <Mynamehere> I dont understand, I move my mouse around, I press any key on the keyboard... and Nothing happends.

so I reply

"Is it turned on ???"

He replies

"WHAT ? what are you saying ?"

I then reply

"There is a nice big button on the tower, Press on it"

He replies

"Oww... ok... its working now"

I dont think its too bad, really... I respect the fact that everyone has his job, and well I guess he is used to getting on computers while on sleep mode... BUT

He Calls me the NEXT day... TELLING ME THE SAME THING !

so I reply

"OK I am comming"

That was I can show him...

I get to the garage (where he was located) and he was not even there... the computer being off as expected.

So I turn it on, take a peice of paper, cut an arrow and tape it pointing at the power button...

This is my second tale for this site, so I wont introduce myself like before...

So... a bit of overview of how things work.

I am the network admin in a transport company.

Main office is in Toronto,I am in the branch office in Montreal.

Our e-mail server is centralised in toronto, same for the database server.

One day, I am getting paged and calls from everywere, getting screamed at because the e-mail server just hung.

Problem goes away and I am irritated that I do not know the cause...

It happends again... and goes away within 15 minutes... once again...

Later that day, one of my co-workers give me a call telling me this will make me laugh since I am a fan of the Montreal Canadians hockey team.

So he is telling me that he has been exchanging e-mails with another coworker in toronto that hates the habs...

He shows me what he was sending...

An excel spreedsheet... filled up from top left to bottom right... MAXED OUT THE SPREEDSHEET WITH GO HABS GO

THIS IDIOT WAS SENDING OUT A 200MB FILE

The worst part of it is... for internal e-mail... we didnt have a size limit... tho that changed now...

He was right... I did have a laugh... A frustrated laugh !

Work at a popular depot for office supplies ^_^

and we got this lady in the other night.

id10t: Hi, I need the cable for the back of my computer.

me:... k, which cable do you need?

id10t: The one that goes in the back of the computer.

me: ... (o boy). I mean do you need a printer cable,

monitor, power cable.

id01t: I don't know its just in the back of my computer.

me: Um ok, let me get one of our techs here to see if he

can help.

<page poor unsuspecting coworker up to help out>

me: yea, she needed some help finding a cable.

assoc: ok, well lets go over and take a look.

<they stand there talking for bout five minutes, then she leaves, in kinda a huff and he comes back over laughing.>

me: so what kinda cable was she looking for?

assoc: one to go from her parallel port to the ac outlet on the wall. best part is she claims it came with one when she bought it three weeks ago. and wouldn't believe me otherwise.

Me: well, yea just because we spend all our time working around computers must mean that WE'RE the clueless idiots.

For a while I was a student at a particular university where I live. I was having issues getting my PowerBook to connect to their network. After getting nowhere on my own, I had to go talk to the techs. After walking in, I started asking about what should be what in the system. The tech got all the information I needed, then went on with this little gem: "Your IP address *points to my IP address listing in system preferences* is like a street address for your computer. Those 4 numbers can go from 0 to 999 each."

I looked at him in shock, closed my laptop, and left, because I'm not quite sure I want someone who doesn't understand how IP addressing works giving me technical advice.

Got a call from a client once, asked me to come in to fix an issue. The voicemail was static, didnt know what was wrong so i just showed up. She told me her built in coffee holder was broken. I told her I didnt handle that aspect of technology, and she said why not its part of the computer? Turns out she used the DVD ROM tray to hold her coffee, the cups she used fit right into it as if it was made for it. She didnt know what a dvdrom drive was/did...

We ordered a replacement. :)

A customer calls and says that he can no longer send or receive emails. He was using outlook express so I walk him through checking all the settings. All the settings were fine. He then decides to inform me that his account had 400+ emails and his wife's had 800+ emails. "Could that be the problem?" he asks. Well no duh I think to myself.

While I my self do not work in a Tech Support position, one of my college friends did and this was his interesting story.

He was working for a local cable provider that also provided broad band when he recieved a call from a woman who said that she couldn't connect to the internet. Here, the woman had sold her fridge and oven, had the ethernet cable running to her microwave and was attempting to download food.

Excuse me for language errors, I am Dutch.

Well, this was a real hothead!!

I work as a Systems Engeneer for Electrical systems, Computers, and electronics on a highschool.

One day a colleague called me in for a problem with his computer.

Arrived at the scene I smelled something that is really familiar to me...

He told me that he had attempted to speed up that old rig, by Hard-jumpering a higher voltage and a higher FSB and that he had exactly used this new settings for half an hour before it gave the ghost on him.

His computer had a CU-Celeron 600 Mhz FCPGA-370 (66*9) who was over-volted to 2.2 Volt and overclocked to 900 Mhz. (100*9)

The problem for him was that he used a heatsink/fan combo who was rated for a Pentium-MMX 200 (Socket 7), and utterly even had removed the Fan due the noise it made. (That fan was worn out)

So, we had a PASSIVELY undersized heatsink who was too hot to handle...

I burned my fingers on it when attempting to "guess" the temperature!

It must be peaked at about 200 Deg. C

When it was cooled down enough, I took the heatsink off the CPU and found that about half the core was spotwelded to the aluminium.

(Thats a new defenition of "Direct Contact" Cooling)

Well, a New mainboard and CPU, and a seal on the case will prevent him from killing the 1 Ghz rig he now uses...

I do not know if this Website handles URLs, so I just put them in to see the result for yourself.

[url=http://members.home.nl/victor.lodewijckx/Ccore/Ccore01.jpg] Image01 [/url]

[url=http://members.home.nl/victor.lodewijckx/Ccore/Ccore02.jpg] Image02 [/url]

[url=http://members.home.nl/victor.lodewijckx/Ccore/Ccore03.jpg] Image03 [/url]

[url=http://members.home.nl/victor.lodewijckx/Ccore/Ccore04.jpg] Image04 [/url]

[url=http://members.home.nl/victor.lodewijckx/Ccore/Ccore05.jpg] Image05 [/url]

That is what I call a devestating preformance!!