Funny and Humorous Technical Support Tales and Stories

Tech support:

How may I help ypu?

Hi,

I've got a problem. Your program is telling me to

get a pet snake. I don't want one.

Tech Support:

Excuse me??

Hi,

It's giving me a message telling me I need a snake to run it.

Tech Support:

Read the message to me please:

Hi,

Error: Python required to run the script.

So this convo just happened with a user...

Me: sir ur computer is out of warranty and needs to be replaced. So we need to schedule a backup.

User: I'm not gonna lose any of my porn that's on there am I? It took forever to get that collection!

Me: *spit my tea out* Sir, you will lose everything except porns containing midgets!

User: I will move all the others to the share drive.

Me: good thinking Sir

User: ur a lot cooler than all the help desk people. They all have sticks up their butts. Ur funny.

Me: thanks sir. I am to please!

I work in a tech support center with a co-worker who hates Windows (the OS). Everything that happens, he loves to say "Thank you Bill Gates" in the most sarcastic tone. Annoys the hell out of me. Never mind that Bill Gates is no longer involved in day-to-day operations of Microsoft. Computer running slow? "Thank you, Bill Gates." Our software slow? "Thank you, Bill Gates."

I'm really hoping he has a Mac at home if he even has a computer.