Tales From Technical Support Content
I work for a Big name Cableco and ISP as tech support. I just stumbled across your site and had to add this call I just recieved here.
An older lady, with a bit of an accent calls in, she is missing her Movie channels. The standard questions and answer are used to confirm her account and ID and then I begin: (M=Me, H=Her)
M:Im sorry M'am but your account doesn't have the movie channels on it.
H: Thats impossible, we have had this cable package for the past three years!
(a few keystrokes later and I was into her Service History)
M: Well m'am it appears that yesterday someone called in and cancelled your movie channels, they also down graded your internet to our Lite Speed internet
H: What?!?! NO! no one did that, just turn on my channels please.
(a few more keystrokes and Im looking at the account notes)
M: M'am it says here that your husband called in yesterday and in an effort to reduce your monthly bill he elimanated your movie channels, and down graded your internet and digital phone service.
H: Oh, really? Well Im very sorry, I didnt know anything about that, I'll call you back after I talk to him.
Apparently Communication is still the number one thing most couples need to work on.
T = tech
C = customer
T = hello thank you for calling charter how may I help you today
C = you're tech came out today and installed the high speed internet and left the cover off my air condition unit that hooks one of my trailers to the other. And now theres a raccoon and possum in there fighting! I just paid 30,000 dollars for this air unit.
(first thoughts) King oF the Trailer parks!!!
T = I'm sorry about that let me pull up your account and get this fixed because, I know its frustrating when things don't go as planned and go over your account.
T = verified some things then put him on hold and got something to eat
T = Thanks for holding now you say the tech left the cover off?
C = Yes
T = Let me get you a supervisor that will be able to help you with this.
Customer hung up on hold waiting for the sup.
My buddy got this call and naturally all 5 techs around him including me put our calls on hold and listened to it. Funny thing thow how can the tech run a cable out side to the mobile home and leave the cover off the air condition unit when the tech didn't install it in the unit. On top of that he said he paid 30,000 dollars for that in a trailer park? Two trailers don't even cost that! And then he calls us for animals fighting in there? What are we going to do send a tech to get it out? No, our techs would have just hooked the cable to the corner of the house and called it a day for what they get paid they wouldn't install it throw something complex.
P.S. This is in november in LA so it's cold... I would have bought a heater with that money
First of all, the standard disclaimer: I Am Not A Tech, but I've been using computers since I was a child (my mother got a Vic-20 in 1983), and everyone in the office tends to look to me as a kind of unofficial tech support. In fact, I'm hoping to get into a paid tech support role some day -- and this is after reading all the stories here and at Computer Stupidities! Maybe I'm a masochist ;-)
Apologies if this is a bit long, but I've noticed the number of stories slacking off lately (and no updates since December)!
Before I start belittling others, just to be fair, I'll show how I'm not infallible:
In my teenage years I used an Amstrad CPC-464, a British 8-bit computer on the same evolutionary plateau as the Commodore 64 (but miles better, of course :-P). It came with a built-in tape drive, but could have a floppy disc drive added, which I did in 1991 (I won't go into the time I tried to insert a disc into the tape drive!). However, it used 3" discs (180K per side, one side used at a time), which by this point were all but obsolete and impossible to get hold of anywhere. Thus, in 1994 I convinced my folks to get me a 3.5" disc drive (to be used as drive B), so I could at least back up all my files to a type of floppy that was still being made. And so there was me, unpacking my shiny new drive and thinking how much better I was than the Nintendo and Sega halfwits -- unlike them, I was using a *proper* computer, not to mention getting more out of it than the stuck-up Atari and Amiga owners! Unfortunately, for my first backup job I tried to copy files from drive A to drive B by renaming them -- ¦REN,"A:*.*","B:*.*" -- and then wondered why it didn't work. D'oh!
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We all know the CD drive / cupholder stories (in fact, it's getting very tedious how people keep submitting them as though no-one's ever heard them before!), but my female friend actually did it from the other side: she thought the CD drive should open and a drink materialise there, like a Star Trek replicator! (I should point out she just wished it worked that way, she's not stupid!) This is the same friend who asked me quite genuinely if Google Earth was updated live (my fault for showing her two seasons of 24), though at least she had the decency to laugh at her mistake! Well, come on, it'd require a near-solid sphere of satellites all transmitting constantly, and Google's servers would need to update all these images constantly *and* merge them together neatly on the fly... and they can't even get half the roads in Britain to match up!
Mind you, she's not really into computers, so she has an excuse -- my male housemate was restarting our modem/router one time, and said he was going to "momentarily kill the Internet"... sorry if the worldwide blackout affected you ;-)
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My undergrad university (which is horribly distorted on Google Earth because of the aforementioned merging problem) had some of the most incompetent techs I've ever had to deal with. Now I know they were using mid-to-late 1990s technology, and for some reason had installed Win95 on all campus computers (wot no NT?!), but their ID-ten-T skills defied belief. One time, the main server went down for reasons supposedly beyond their control (apparently they hadn't heard of Uninterruptible Power Supplies or surge protectors, even for their servers), but when they got it working again, they left the boot disc in the drive... and thus when the same problem happened, their boot disc was knackered!
The e-mail server was also flaky -- one of the many occasions it was down for several days was the result of someone accidentally unplugging the e-mail server... draw your own conclusions. When it was working, they couldn't for some reason stop anyone sending global e-mails (to 5,000 students), no matter how big the bitmap advert that had been put in. Banning the offender from using e-mail again was a "bolting the stable door" exercise...
There was also only one laser printer on campus that could be used after hours, and even though the Computer Centre was open 24/7, there were no staff on duty in the evening. Thus it was inevitable that one time the laser printer got stuck, and many people gave up trying to print out their projects... only for one student to reach inside the cage (he had slender fingers) and tap a button on its control panel, thereby allowing about two hours' worth of printouts to print! As my good deed for the day, I sorted them into the pigeon holes for each student's department (every printout had a flag page, and usernames contained departmental codes), in the vain hope that the students would check there before trying to print out again!
The main library (for non-fiction) was the worst... while I was abroad, they installed a load of photocopiers paid for with pre-purchased "credit cards", but didn't realise until it was too late that if people ejected their cards while the machines were copying, they wouldn't be debited! Apparently some students copied entire textbooks this way... in a shameless attempt to recoup the lost money, the library became (upon my return) extremely intolerant of late returns (raising their fines), but determined to not give students any assistance in remembering to return late books. One time I returned an overdue book and paid the fine, but the cow behind the desk didn't tell me I had *another* overdue book, and left it to me to find this out myself (thus running up more fines)! I asked why they didn't send us e-mails for overdue books, and was told, "we don't want to clog up the e-mail server". Very noble (considering the afore-mentioned flaky e-mail system), but *twice* they notified me by e-mail that a book I had out on one-week loan had been reserved by someone else -- and was now due back on the *exact same date* it was already due back!
Oh, and on the subject of the non-fiction library: while I was abroad, they installed a lot of extra computers there, only to overload the building's power supply and have constant power cuts. Definitely never heard of UPS!
In their defence, I should point out I haven't been to my undergrad stomping ground since 2000, so the IT department might have learned their lessons. It's just such a shame, because the IT staff at the American university where I went for my exchange were wonderfully competent -- the only thing they couldn't figure out (even after I explained it to them) was how to give every student their own Netscape bookmarks, instead of defaults. And my postgrad university (in east London) used WinME on campus computers... 'nuff said!
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And so to my present workplace, the HR section of a certain north London borough. I'm in Recruitment, with the adjacent cluster of desks belonging to "Employee Maintenance", who seem to spend all their time chatting. On one occasion they were all at a meeting, and the phone of person X rang... and rang... and rang... until finally one of my colleagues caved in and answered it, telling the caller X was in a meeting. What was so important? The caller wanted to tell X they were going to send them an e-mail. Well, thank God they got through to impart this vital information!
One of my colleagues in Recruitment is a bit of a Luddite -- even though he has a WinXP PC, he insists on keeping his dial-up Internet connection, because he hardly uses it and thus it doesn't cost much (in the UK we get charged by the minute for local calls, which is one reason DSL really took off here -- it's cheaper all round!). When Microsoft released a huge swathe of security patches for WinXP on Valentine's Day 2007, I told him he'd have "fun" downloading them all. He replied, "Why do I need to be connected to the Internet to get updates?!" Maybe he thought Microsoft had left those security holes deliberately, with instructions to auto-patch on a certain future date?
The job applicants we deal with include some real fools -- I'm honestly thinking of introducing ID-ten-T as an official code in my department. A couple of people who applied online have managed to put down their birthdate as being on the 32nd of the month -- in one case it was a forgiveable typo (he hand-wrote that it was the 23rd elsewhere), but one gentleman applied for *four* different jobs, and each time he managed to type his birthdate as 32/5! You'd almost think he didn't know his own birthday... and no, he didn't get any of the jobs! (For our American readers, remember we write our dates as d/m/y!)
However, the managers in other departments manage to be the dumbest of all. One lady needed to tell me a start date for a new starter; I didn't hear anything for ages and then honestly forgot about it, and went on holiday for a week. When I came back, I found she'd e-mailed me the start date on the Friday I'd been away, at nearly 7pm, to tell me she wanted the bloke to start the following Monday. Even if I'd been at work, and even if I'd been at work *until 7pm* (I'm not paid enough for that!), how would I have gotten him the letter on time over the weekend?!?!? Needless to say, his start date was put back...
On the other hand... one time I needed a manager to tick the appropriate "hazard" boxes on the front page of a medical clearance form, so I could send it to someone she'd given a provisional offer to. I e-mailed the file to her, and she replied that she couldn't see the boxes. I told her what heading it was under, but she still couldn't see them, and I began to worry that she was using Word '97 or older (which can't handle boxes etc. drawn in Word 2000 onwards, and turn them into BIG patches of empty space). She insisted she was using Word 2000 and just couldn't see what I was on about, and I was on the verge of tearing my hair out at her stupidity... when I realised I'd sent her completely the wrong file. Needless to say, I apologised profusely and sent her the right file ;-) (So there, I've finished as I started -- proving I'm not Superman!)
Anyway, I'll write more if I can think of anything amusing to say (which would be a first)...
As an overview I bought a camcorder, I made sure that it could be connected to a computer so I could do some editing on the computer. Well I got it installed, and I couldn't get any videos off of the camera. I uninstalled everything and ran a few system restores to make sure I got everything that came with the camera off of the computer. This is the basic conversation that I had over the internet.
M = me
T = tech support
T: Hi, this is [company] tech support, how can I help?
M: Hi, I just bought a [company, and camera #]. I installed it, but I can't get any sort of video streaming off of it. I wiped everything that came with the camera off of the computer.
T: Are you using a Fire Wire cable, or USB cord?
M: USB, I don't have a Fire Wire cable.
T: Try plugging it in with a Fire Wire cable.
(well I just said I didn't have one, but whatever)
M: I don't have a Fire Wire cable.
T: Ok, try (we go through reinstalling the editing software)
M: I keep getting an error message about something being missing.
T: Try the Fire Wire cable.
(What is this the third time I've had to say this?)
M: I don't have a Fire Wire cable.
T: Are there any programs that might let you get the video off the camera?
M: No....wait, this might work. (I open the program) Nevermind, there is no video streaming option.
T: Try using the Fire Wire cable.
(This is starting to get old)
M: I don't have a Fire Wire cable.
T: Well, I've exhausted all my resources, I suggest calling (phone number) between (gives me times the support hotlines are running)
After reading and laughing at EVERY story on this site I felt compelled to add four short tech calls that I dealt with that are quite unique.
I worked for an outsourcing call centre that handled a FREE Internet service. We were located in Canada and our customers were Americans that had terrible computers and had never used the Internet.
CALL #1: (M) Me (A) Ab"user"
(M) Thank you for calling _____ how may I help you?
(A) You are a bunch of racist pigs and I want my account refunded!!!
(M) I'm sorry to hear that but this a free service and I can only help with connectivity issues.
(A) How you think you can stop certain websites is unbeilavable and I want to be removed from your database and refunded! Let me talk to your supervisor NOW!!!!!
---- After my supervisor took the the call she informed me that the user had entered mary as her login name (the system had 3 million users already active and that name was taken) she then minimized the setup window and tried to load www.bet.com (Black Entertainment Television) in IE. When the browser window said unable to connect she immediately called techsupport to call us racists.
SHEESH!!!
CALL #2: (M) Me (A) Ab"user"
(M) Thank you for "BLah Blah Blah"
(A) You @$#%ing %^$tards my mother had a stroke and we are suing you! Let me speak to a supervisor (A common theme that happened on HALF! of all our calls)
---- The user wanted to email her friends but couldn't figure out how to use outlook express. Another tech had suggested a free hotmail account since she understood how to use a web browser. She typed in www.hotmale.com and had a mental breakdown when pictures of gay porn appeared! The service ticket was printed and posted in the breakroom for comic relief.
CALL #3: (M) Me (A) Ab"user"
(M) Thank you for calling "Blah Blah Blah"
(A) If you don't stop sending me emails this will become a legal issue (threatening being sued all the time was quite a shock to us canucks)
(M) Please give me your username and I can offer you support.
(A) I am not a user of your service. I emailed a friend on your network with the wrong email address. When I got a return email from your demon(HA HA)
I fixed the spelling error but I keep getting a cannot complete email from your server every five minutes.
---Long story short. She had send and recieve every five minutes enabled in her email program and had the mispelled email in her outbox. When she realized this she immediately hung up!
CALL #4: (M) Me (A) Ab"user"
(M) Thank you for "BLah BLah Blah"
(A) Can any file of any type from any website be downloaded to a standard computer.
(M) Can I get your username please?
(A) I do not need to give you my username for this question
(M) I need to verify that you are member in order to giv technical support.
(A) Gives username etc...
(M) Are you having problems connecting to the Internet?
(A) Can any file of any type from any website be downloaded to a standard computer.
(M) Are you able to connect to the Internet sir?
(A) Of course, why would I call you if I could not connect to the Internet?
(M) Sir, you have called technical support for (FREE SERVICE) and I can only help you with connectivity issues.
(A) I AM ASKING TECHNICAL QUESTIONS!!!!!!
----This call took 45 minutes and destroyed my call time average for the day. The ab"user" was trying to access a web page that required a plugin for his browser and refused to tell me about this for 30 minutes. He asked me his first question over and over again no matter what I said.
**** This FREE service eventually became $9.95 a month because the techsupport bills ate all the advertising revenue.****
My supervisor got this ab"user" a few days later and had to tell him that he needed to learn how to use his computer better before calling techsupport!
Thanks for the great site.
I have luckily not been much into support, but from time to time I had to help out users of my software. This time I had made a web application. I had tested it myself, and was reasonably confident that it would work. A "superuser" was supposed to test the application. After a while I received a call from the man telling me he didn't manage to access the application at all. I thought that was strange, and inexperienced as I was (and are) in phone-support I tried to ask him all sorts of question to determine the problem, but no matter what I came up with, it doesn't solved the problem. In the end I decided I'd better go to him and check the problem for myself:
He opened the correct URL. Then a dialog box appeared, saying something like "The following content is a mixture of secure and not secured content. Do you want to continue? Yes or No."
My superuser pressed no and got a blank page. I pressed Yes, and everything worked. Not once had i mentioned this dialog box! It probably seemed to mundane or something. I don't know.
My respects to those who works with these people all day long, and actually able to think how their twisted mind works. The flip-side of this is of course than everyone is treated like a stupid idiot when they call for tech support. But I guess I understand..
I am not a certified tech. I do basic fixes and builds for people on the side. Last week i had a computer brought to my apartment for repair by my boyfriend. A co-worker of his was hoping I could fix it. So, I called the owner and asked what the problem was. He told me that it would not turn on at all. I asked if he had added anything or done anything to it recently. of course the answer was no. so, I plugged everything in and hit the power button. nothing. I tried with my power cord, just in case. Still nothing. I then popped off the case to take a look. Bad bad bad smell wafted from open case. I called the owner back, asking if there had been anything unusual that had happened before it quit working. He said after thinking for a moment that the fan had been making noise so he had shoved a screwdriver in the fan blades to make the noise stop.
I'm sure you can all figure out what happened at that point.
I just got involved in a support call as a third party. One of our agents from a remote office called us to question if we were blocking the wifi access in the area of the office. He started by saying he knew we dont' support wireless but AT&T support, on the other line, believes we are blocking it. The agent will be doing a presentation for AT&T for one of his clients. [we don't support wireless and we recomend not using it because our auditors are happy with it yet]. The conversation continues as this...
[agent] I use the wireless at home and it works great but I can't use it here in the office or at public wifi places.
[me] Well if we were blocking any wifi it would not work at home either so we are not blocking it.
[agent] Ok, hold a moment and let me tell that to AT&T
(I can hear the AT&T person on another speaker phone talking to the agent)
[ATT] Ok so whats the name of the access point your connecting to?
[agent] Oh, my IT department won't know that.
[ATT] Ok, well who provides the wireless service for your office?
[agent] Oh, we don't have wireless in our office. I just come in and see networks I connect to with the wireless.
There is a moment of awkward silence by AT&T. The conversation between them continued but I don't remember it as I was too busy trying to suppress my laughter. Before I could really regain my composure, the agent said he did not need me any more, so I did not really get the chance to tell him that what he is doing may be breaking the law with his neighbors.
I tell my support team on a regualar basis to remember the quote from the movie Dark Territory 2 "Assumption is the mother of all f###ups"
This is a quote from a teacher at a High School I support.
Profile Issue
Can you reset a profile back to default please.
He's changed all the settings with Accessibility Wizard but has now decided he is not blind or deaf and wants to be normal again.
Years ago, I was a Tech Support supervisor for a company whose customers were a sizeable part of the general public. Because our phone number was toll-free and well-publicized, we got a small but regular number of crank calls. They were mostly along the lines of some kid belching and hanging up, but occasionally our female staff members would get a call from some pervert who started out sounding normal but would become inappropriate and/or abusive. The most experienced women learned how to recognize these calls and at least end them quickly, if not turn the tables. My favorite incident, while not very funny or clever, was still entertaining to me.
A Tech Support guru named Joan
Who was never upset on the phone
One day took a call
From a guy with the gall
To inquire if she was alone.
In a very professional tone,
Good sir, she replied, if you own
A device on our list,
I can gladly assist
With all problems both new and well-known.
That I do, he responded with glee,
And that s just why I m calling. You see,
The instructions are short:
They say call Tech Support,
And they ll help you by phone, for a fee.
From his voice, Joan saw where this was going.
She decided that to-ing and fro-ing
Subtly with this jerk
Wasn t going to work,
And came up with a ruse quite mind-blowing.
As some of you ve probably seen,
In good Help Desk software, it s been
Made easy to see,
Using Caller ID,
All a caller s details on your screen.
Now I know why you re calling, she said,
Sensing he could be easily led,
As a courtesy gift,
At the end of my shift,
I ll call back, and we ll put this to bed.
From the gasp and the stutt'ring she heard,
She could tell he believed every word.
But because we are sure
You ll want to call more,
There s just one more detail, she purred.
Our company policy states
I must ask your wife let s see Ms. Bates,
Since it s her credit card,
To confirm, in regard
To our Extra, Full-Service rates.
For a moment, the tension was thick.
Not a word from this caller most sick.
But then, all was fine;
Joan heard, on the line,
That simple, but gratifying, CLICK.
When I first got my computer, I knew nothing about it.
One day I asked my daughter if it used a lot of ink to
send an email! Lol
Working for Technical Support for one of the worst companys was more than just a pain. It was an Adventure! The company doesn't care if you get things right so I figured that I'd do my best to try. This call went down like this.
:M: Me
:U: User
M: Thank you for calling ****way Technical Support, this is Jade. Can I have your serial number?
User Relays the information required for service*
M: Okay sir can you tell me what the problem is?
U: Yes, my modem doesn't work and it won't connect to the internet!
I went through the basic steps of making sure the cable was attached and that it didn't ping out before I was assured the modem really didn't work....
M: Okay sir we are going to send you out a new modem, we just need you to remove the old one and discard it and you will get the new one within a few weeks.
U: Thanks so much!
About two weeks later I just happen to get the same guy*
U: What is this card chip thingy you sent me? Where is my modem!?
M: that is the modem sir, we just need you to install it and your internet should work fine..
U: No it's not the modem!! I threw that whole thing away two weeks ago!
Turns out he once had a $800 PC. But no more.. I tranferred him to my supervisor. I wasn't about to tell him that we weren't going to give him more than we had.
