Tales From Technical Support Content
I work for a major cell phone provider and this actually happened to a friend on my team. In the course of trying to program a phone he had the customer enter in the # sign twice followed by the master subsidy lock code to enter into the programing sequence. After several attempts at this using the one time lock code, the master lock code and the default code with no results he had to ask the customer an innocent question to verify whether he was entering the # key or the * key. The customer got extremely irate, uttered several profanities then said "I know which key is the pound key! It's the one I hit whenever I dial star 2!" then hung up with another profanity. Maybe he had just realized what he had said, but we all had a chuckle over this.
As many people have said here, I am the one in the family with any form of computer literacy, and so am called upon for tech support. This time, however, I didn't know what to do, and I reluctantly decided to call tech support myself. I had had very little experience with Windows 98 at the time, and little experience with AOL (and I had hoped to keep it that way)
Characters:
Me
Grandma
Evil AOL Tech Support
Evil People PC Tech Support
Evil IBM Tech support
Props: (All Grandma's)
Phone with a fuzzy connection
IBM ThinkPad
Windows 98
Broken Modem
Part 1 - AOL
I call AOL Tech Support. I get the Recording Of Doom. I go through 30 minutes of unrecognised vocal commands until hanging up. (e.g. "To be transferred to sales, say 'Purchase.' To be transferred to support, say 'Help." "Help" "I'm sorry, I don't understand you.") I call AGAIN and after 15 more minutes, I get a real person. (Call the news! put it in the headlines!) Bad news - I was transferred to India. The guy apparently was in the middle of English Class 1 - Part 1. Nothing against India - it's just, customer service shouldn't be there.
It's easier to make the recording understand me.
I hang up.
Part 2 - People PC
I call People PC to get a different service - maybe it will work then. Voila! I get a real person right away. (Note to self: say you want to buy and they will answer.)
Sign up. Get access numbers. Try to dial up. Nothing. Call again. No help.
Call again. India again!
He tells me to do 42 different things - none of which work. He then tells me to call the computer manufacturer. Click.
Part 3 - IBM
I get to a person finally - after the recording trumpeted the fact that I was being transfered to Georgia.
The guy guides me through a whole bunch before he realizes that I told him I was running Windows 98. It's too late. It's ruined.
Part 4 - Me
I restart the computer twice. It works; I don't know how.
My grandma now has a new laptop with XP, and the demonic ThinkPad is now running Ubuntu Linux for my mom, with no problems.
This isn't really a tech support story, so to speak, but I think that you'll enjoy it.
I've been a self-taught freelance website developer for five years, and am currently in college for the smae profession. I recently started getting curious about Linux vs. Windows. I installed Ubuntu 7.04 on my laptop and decided I preferred it to any version of Windows, and so I stuck with it.
I chose BSOD as the screensaver - yes, it's called the Blue Screen of Death screensaver, because it cycles through the fatal errors from multiple operating systems as the screensaver, from Apple II to, yes, the BSOD.
In any case, I left my laptop on in my bedroom with music playing while I went downstairs to the kitchen to get a snack.
My sister is my little geek-in-training, and I'd preached to her many times about the evils of downloading untrustworthy software, and the horror of the BSOD. She often tries to sneak onto my computer when I'm not looking, so I usually close the laptop (auto-lock and all that) when I leave. I forgot to do it this time, and fifteen minutes or so later my sister comes rushing downstairs, freaked out, and says somethign to the effect of, "Ididn'ttouchyourcomputerbutit'sbrokenIdidn'tdoit!" Once I figured out what she said, I started to get mad (When she says she didn't do it, chances are, she did), but then I remembered my new screensaver.
I walked upstairs laughing, while my sister walked behind me, scared of what I would do if I blamed her for my computer 'crashing' and wondering why I was laughing.
I went into my room and walked over to my computer. Sure enough, the dreaded BSOD was right there on the screen, memory dump completed and waiting for reboot. (Might I add that the music was still playing?) I deftly moved the mouse, and my desktop reappeared. My sister looked at me in a mixture of confusion and awe, which caused be to double over in laughter.
Once I composed myself, I explained it to her, and she got a good laugh out of it as well.
Oh, and it tricked my dad as well. I'm keeping this screensaver - it's great accidental entertainment.
As a primarily Linux user, I'm kind of used to getting the "Linux is not supported" treatment. Well, of course Linux is not supported, but it adds a whole new level of headaches when every single hardware failure results in techs blaming my choice of software.
I had a sub-notebook, from back when those were expensive. It had the same kind of hard drive that iPods do, so it was especially fragile. I had to get a replacement hard drive at least two times that I know of.
The first time was understandable -- after awhile of use, the drive would hang, and report bad CRCs to me. Of course, "Linux isn't supported" -- as if it's somehow Linux's fault that my hard disk is telling me it's failing, but whatever. Wiped it and installed XP Home, called tech support back when the same issue happend on XP -- only this time without the pages and pages of error logs that Linux provided me.
The second time, I was a bit amazed with how long it took to communicate the fact that the machine would not boot. "Yes, but maybe it's just Linux that's not booting...." No, I can't even get to my BIOS setup.
This poor little laptop did take a lot of abuse -- I also remember calling tech support after the monitor was physically cracked. Same response -- Linux isn't supported. Same trump card -- I don't even see the BIOS anymore, because guess what, the monitor is physically broken!
Moving on...
The most recent one is perhaps the strangest. I got a relatively new work laptop -- very nice, dual-core, reasonable resolution, gigabit networking, 200 gig hard drive... came with Vista. Of course, I immediately reformatted it with XP Pro -- not because I hate Vista, but because the software we work with, despite being made by Microsoft, only works with XP. Being the Linux geek that I was, and with the full blessing of the CTO (it's a small company), I partitioned it and installed Linux, also.
Then, weeks later, the optical drive died.
It's a CD/DVD drive, and it still appears to work. The light comes on, I can get it to eject properly, etc -- but I've noticed that my /dev/cdrom is gone. No problem, I'll just symlink it to... Whoops, looks like /dev/hda is gone. Hmm, maybe... Nope, ide-cd is loaded, along with cdrom and the appropriate IDE driver for my motherboard...
Suffice to say that I used to compile my own kernels, and I know enough to know the difference between "not supported" and "not there", especially given the drive did work a week ago.
So, I call tech support. The first response I get is, of course, "Linux is not supported." Anticipating this, I'd booted XP, and informed the tech that the drive did not appear in My Computer at all.
Tech's response: "XP isn't supported!"
Really? Huh. I thought it'd been weird that I had to go to the company's UK site to find any XP drivers for anything, but I didn't anticipate being completely unsupported...
Well, I keep the tech on the line, suggesting that I could image the drive, wipe it, and reinstall Vista. Except we can't find the Vista disc in the office -- no install disc, no "recovery" disc. Good thing I imaged the whole thing, including the recovery partition, when I first formatted the machine, but as I start to talk about this, the tech suggests booting the XP CD.
Fine, perfect chance to prove my point.
Insert XP CD, boot, and guess what? It doesn't boot from the CD. Enter BIOS, set to boot from CD first, try the one time boot menu, nothing works.
And the tech was finally satisfied that there is something physically wrong with the drive, at which point, they gave me a few locations I could either mail the machine or physically take it. Asked about a loaner, but no option. Since the optical drive isn't really necessary to do my job, I can wait until we get a replacement laptop.
I can understand sticking to your script -- in fact, I do try to be as accommodating as I can, understanding that I will never know the depths of stupidity techs have to put up with every day. But I really wish there was some magic word I could give, like a secret handshake, to prove that I know what I'm talking about.
Names changed to protect the stupid:
From: Customer Name [mailto:customer@noreply.com]
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 1:11 PM
To: support@noreply.com
Subject: RE: E-Mail Issues
The problem is that we can not send e-mails .
________________________________________
From: Tech Support [mailto:support@noreply.com]
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 9:46 AM
To: 'Customer Name'; 'Tech Support'
Subject: RE: E-Mail Issues
Dear Customer:
We are working on a delay in email at the moment. Is that what you re referring to? Is so, we appreciate your patience in this matter.
Thanks,
Tech Support
________________________________________
From: Customer Name [mailto:customer@noreply.com]
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 11:28 AM
To: 'Tech Support'
Subject: E-Mail Issues
Good Morning,
We are currently experiencing problems with our e-mail. Please contact me asap.
Thank you,
Customer Name
There was an older gentleman who needed some assistance with his personal settings. He followed all the steps correctly but couldn't seem to make it through the final step. Once he verified all of the steps were correct, the Tech instructed him to say, "OK". He said, "OK". The thech asked if that completed his process and if he could now see the new screen. The man stated that it was still at the final step. The tech instructed him to again say, "OK". He said, "OK". "Did that do it?" "No." The tech left his desk to go and assist the man at his work station. When he arrived he saw the final instruction screen and moved the mouse over and clicked "OK" and the process was complete. "Well, confoundit, I could have done that!" He really did say confoundit. The tech reminded him that those were the instructions he had given him over the phone. "No you didn't! You told me to 'SAY OK'!"
I recently helped my girlfriend pick out a USB hub so she could use her jump drive without having to reach around to the back of her computer (she has an older PIII without any front-side USB ports). After she gets it home she calls me to say it is not working - her computer cannot access it. So I go over to check it out. Sure enough, the computer does not even recognize the new hardware. I check the back of the computer to make sure the USB cable from the hub has not come loose and discover that it is plugged in nice and tight - in the ethernet jack. "But it fit", she says.
By the way, all of you English illiterate 'techs' out there that make fun of the computer illiterate 'lusers' should either go back to school or learn how to use a spell checker. Your smarmy sarcasm loses its edge when your posting looks like it was written by a third-grader. Please learn the difference between "their", "there", and "they're"; "your" and "you're"; "two", "to", and "too"; etc. I can forgive the non-english speakers, but if English is your first language, STOP BUTCHERING IT!
Back in the 80's I worked for High end tax prep software company. This is the software company H and R block might use to prepare your taxes. Conversion department is the part of the company that takes old tax data from other software and converts it to the our software format for the coming years taxes.
One day the co-worker who sat next to me grabbed me by the arm and lead me to the fax machine.
She explained as we went over. She was telling the customer that we needed to get a copy of last years data. We had a program designed to facilitate this process and it created a file that we copied to a floppy diskette for us to convert.
In a hushed tone my co-worker said "She is going to fax it to us."
Me (confused)I ask "Hows that going to work?"
co-worker said "I just want to see what she sends us."
The Fax machine comes to life and a paper shoots itself into the tray. We look down at the paper and both of us burst into hysterical laughter. There on a piece of paper is the best faxed image of a floppy disk I had ever seen. We could
clearly see it labeled with the file name we would need. After she got herself under control she got back on the phone and asked that she send us the disk in the mail as instructions said to.
I'm a geek, a nerd, an IT professional. And sometimes knowing too much can cause some serious headaches.
Several years ago, my PC's sound stopped working for no good reason. "Strange", I thought - and started to troubleshoot.
Like any good tech, I started with the most simple cause first, so I checked to make sure the everything was plugged in properly. Speakers plugged into wall, cable plugged into sound card properly.
"Hmmm..." Maybe its a driver problem. So I download new drivers, uninstall - reinstall. No luck. Reinstalled DirectX - no luck. "Well, maybe the card got loose." So I open the box up, reseat the card and try again. No luck. "Oh man" I think... my PCI slot msut be fried (seen it before). So, take out another card, put sound card in new slot, no luck.
I could go on discussing everything I tried but I won't. To make a long story short, after three hours and much frustration I turned the powered subwoofer on and all was fixed (must have bumped the power switch with my foot).
As i was working with a co-worker we got on the discussion about linux. We were talking about the file sysyem and i asked him what the first directory was in the system. He couldn't remember so i showed him the file system diagram. If you don't know, linux starts with a directory called / which stands for root. As i showed him he screamed at me, "It's slash you dick". I said no you idiot, slash stands for root. Now it wouldnt be funny at all if he hadnt worked with me for 2 years and we both studied under the same instructor.
My friend complained his computer wasn't working. I (I'm 15) went over to his house and found that he had cut the cord by accident... and still thought his computer would turn on.
A call to the support desk of where I previously worked would turn out to be one of the funniest calls that I would get in the short time frame that I worked there.
My user was obviously confused when she called and said that she received an error message that her javascript was "unplugged" and then asked if someone could come over to her company and "plug" in her javascript, she cannot find the plug.
Unfortunately for me, I am my family's tech support. One day, I was helping my father-in-law do something on his computer. If there is not a bookmark, he may not see the site.
That aside, I was instructing him to visit some page (for the sake of the story, we'll say Google), and I said, "Go to the Address bar at the top of the window, and type http://www.google.com/." There was a slight delay, and I hear over the phone in a muffled voice lost in concentration, "p-c-o-l-o", and I stopped him right there and laughed, "You don't spell 'colon', John. It's the key with the two vertical dots by the 'Enter' key."
My wife and I still laugh about that to this day.
While working at tech support for a computer manufacturer I received a call from a nice old lady who just got her new computer in the mail after ordering it online. Her excitement quickly faded as she started having issues typing. She would type on one key and other keys around it would hit as well.
While I usually assumed the customer has done something mundane, I gave her the benefit of the doubt that her keyboard might have come faulty with some sort of short. But for testing I had her open a simple text editor and type the tried and true "the brown fox jumped over blah blah".
The line went silent for a couple moments and I could hear her mumbling to herself. I asked her what was the matter and she said she was having a hard time seeing her T key. I figured she was just blind and she would pull the whole "Let me torture you with my horrible eyesight and then half an hour later put my glasses on."
So I gave her a few moments to look and then grew impatient. I asked her why she couldn't see it and what she said next floored me.
"Well the cover that came with my computer is hard to see through."
She had thought that the wrapping the keyboard had come in was actually a protective cover, that you couldn't even see through, which was causing other keys to be pressed when only pressing one. I asked her to remove her wrapping and all her problems were solved.
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