Funny and Humorous Technical Support Tales and Stories

This was a call i recieved yesterday, no mind you i am no longer in tech support but this one floored me.

I recieved a call from a friend and this is what he asked...ready

What is the difference between ethernet and internet?

now that was a first for me.

02/04/2005 08:53:23 AM Wendy W -

Hello Frank,

You just let me know that you want to install UNIX on a box so you can play with it and see how it works. You have signed up for a class that Hollie T will teach soon, and you need to be able to practice working with UNIX. The You do not want to connect to your production server with this box, but you also do not want to pay IBM another chunk of money to buy an additional copy of the operating system. You want to know if we can advise you about how to load UNIX on an additional box.

Translation: please help me find and install a bootleg OS on another (noncovered) server. Yeah, sure, we do that, right?

OK. First of all, I want to tell you that I'm working in a big Finnish ISP selling the connection, the adsl modems, solving problems in a shop of ours etc.

The first one was an African guy coming to complain about his Internet connection. It was an ordinary modem connection (sloooow), and he accused us because it didn't work. I asked him if he had checked the settings, the phone number that the modem phoned to, the username etc etc. He says yes. I ask whether he'd checked that the cable was plugged in. He says yes. I tell him that if the settings are correct and the cable is plugged in the correct place, the only choice is that the modem is broken. "Whaaaaa? Modems cannot be broken!!!!!111" he says in a very angry tone. I started thinking about the connection and ask him if the puter is a laptop or not. Yes it is a laptop and yes, he can bring it to me to let me check the settings once again. So, he brings it to me and I got it started up and got to check the settings. First, he had put his own phone number to the phone number field. I asked him what the number was and he told it was his own... So I ask him what he thinks that his own land-line phone would do if he tried phoning from it to it. "Oh, is it wrong?" So I changed the number to the correct one and tried it. Yes, it gets connected but rejects the username. It was the African's whole name written like space . And he thought it would work... Sigh.

I have a little computer training, and thus have become the instant tech support and repair person for the computers of my family and friends. Sometimes though, I'm tempted to just take the computers away, for the safety and sanity of all involved. And here's why:

I get a call from my sister, who lives 3000 miles away, at about 9pm on a weekday.

Me: What's up?

Her: My computer isn't working.

Me: Uh huh. What is it doing?

Her: Well, it can't find some of my hardware.

Me: ... Did you install a new operating system again?

Her: Well, when I got it back from Compaq they had reinstalled Windows ME again so I had to!

Me: I... see.

(She would always overwrite ME with 2000, despite knowing how badly this worked, and then call me when the inevitable problems cropped up. I knew the last time she had sent the laptop to Compaq had been over a month before, which meant she'd been having this problem for at least that long, but hadn't called. Amateurs should never be allowed to own their own OS disks, and I personally take them away from all the people I work with locally.)

30 mins. and many problems later...

Me: Okay so we're going to have to reinstall the drivers for your hardware. Do you know where the install CD is?

Her: Um, no.

Me: Not a clue?

Her: It wouldn't matter if I did. My CD drive is broken.

Me: Broken? How broken?

Her: Well, it started making funny noises, and then it quit reading my CDs. When I took out one CD, some little pieces fell out.

Me: And you didn't think to CALL ME?

Her: Mom said I should, but...

Me: How long ago was this? No, wait, never mind. Anyway, we can just download the drivers from the internet.

Her: But my modem isn't working. The computer can't find it.

Right, it was one of the many, many things that were not being detected or initialized. I gave up.

Me: I ... have homework to do. I'll call you tomorrow.

Shortly after this, we went and purchased a brand new system for her, which I personally picked out to meet all of her needs and whims. It should be good to go for a while right?

She brought it when she visited for Christmas. It wasn't finding her hardware. She had installed a new operating system... again.

Another great adventure in the field of family technical support...

I went out to my parents' house to pick up some of my stuff that was being stored there, and got immediately corralled into fixing my mother's desktop, which had apparently ceased functioning the night before.

Me: Did you install anything new recently?

Her: Yes, I got an [ISP] update yesterday. It quit working after that.

Me: Hmm. I got the same one, and my computer is working fine... Anyway, what does it do?

Her: I turn it on, and it doesn't do anything.

Me: ((Moving to computer)) Nothing? It doesn't boot?

Her: No, it boots, but then it does nothing.

Me: ((Turns on computer, watches it boot, gets to logon screen.))

Her: Yes, this is as far as it gets.

Me: Oookay... so you get to the logon screen and click on your name...?

Her: And it freezes.

Me: Completely?

Her: No, it just takes a really long time to load Windows. Like eight minutes.

Me: So the actual problem is that it's taking too long to load Windows?

Her: Yes.

Me: Righto. ((Clicks to logon. Indeed, it appears to freeze. I wander away to gather up my stuff and put it in the car. When I come back the computer has finally entered Windows. Lo and behold, there is an error box on the screen.))

Her: Yes, I got that same error earlier. Can you figure out what's wrong?

Me: ((Reads it. It says, error with file '[antivirus software].exe' This may be a hard one.)) According to this, it's an error with your antivirus software. So, you got this with your update yesterday?

Her: Yes, it's free with the service now, so...

Me: ((Fiddles around for all of 10 seconds.)) It seems you have two antivirus programs running at once, and both are initializing on startup. Which, with all their conflicts, would take approximately, in my personal opinion, eight minutes.

One unused program uninstall and reboot later, the PC is working as normal. I then spent the next half hour removing spyware from it.

Hi I sometimes have to be informal tech support at work (I run a computer graphics lab). Many people have gotten Mac Mini's for their offices. Its just about as foolproof and simple an OS and setup as you can get for that price, seriously. Yet they still show up with questions:

1. Where's the Power Button? (R-T-F-M)

2. Where's the CD drive? And how do I eject a disk? (R-T-F-M)

3. Since my Mini doesn't come with a keyboard can I borrow the one from your computer for a few days? (HELL NO!)

4. I have no internet! Do you think the network is broken? (No, you need to plug in the ethernet cable. Some people think any Apple computer has wireless.)

5. Where's the floppy disk drive? (No comment)

6. I need a 2 button mouse, the Apple mice suck! (Well you didn't need to buy the Apple mouse just because you use a mac)

A long time ago in a land far, far away, my first job out of university was as an Admin. Assistant to a senior manager in the federal government. Not the best job, but it paid the student loans and got me in the door for bigger and better things...

Anyhow, my boss was not at ALL computer knowledgable and often came to me for help and advice. One morning, during a break in his meeting with our office IT folk, he came running to my desk to ask me a question. Apparently, they had been discussing specifications to run a certain program and one of the techs told him that we would need a "skookum computer" to be able to run the program properly. Well, the boss, not wanting to show his ignorance, left it at that, and then proceeded to ask me... "What kind of computer is a Skookum computer?" Not wanting to get fired by laughing my head off in his face, I told him I would have to get back to him on that one and then proceeded to the washroom to have a good giggle.

So here at the ISP I work out, we have 1 reoccuring customer that is constantly a pain in the butt. His name is Larry, I wont supply a last name. But ANYWHO, I think he provides most of the color commentary in the office.

Phone --

Me: HEARTLAND INTERNET THIS IS JAKE, HOW MAY I HELP YOU

Direction: I look down at the phone's ID to see Larry ******'s name, and die just a little inside.

user: Hey this is larry, what's going on. I can't get any of my yahoo. And my address thingy do is gone.

Me: Ok, let's take this one step at a time, sir. First thing first. We can't support any type of yahoo problems you might be having, you will need to call yahoo.

user: Is there anywhere local for yahoo I can go.

NOTE TO SELF we are in Western KY no there is no where local for yahoo, but I did want to tell him. Yes sir, grab a cab go five miles past wal-mart then turn to your left at the stop light. Go ten miles down that road and there you will see a man named Pedro, he will take you to the Yahoo lair.

Me: No Sir

User: ok, well...

Me: Now, let's get that address bar back. First right clock on the grey area on top of your internet explorer screen.

User: What grey area?

It's not suprising he didn't know where the grey area was since his entire life up to that point had been one.

Me: The one at the top with the Icons.

User ok I right clicked and it says Back, Forward, Save Background as...

Me: Sir you clicked in the page somewhere. Click on the toolbar. Do you know what your toolbar is sir?

User: ok, same thing back, forward, save background...

Me: Ok do you see the button that says FAVORITES, it should have a star beside it.

User: yah

Me: Right click directly on top of that button, the one that says favorites.

user: DING

Me: what's that sir

user: DING, DING, DING, DING... that's what it's telling me, it wont do it DING, DING.

Me: ok sir

This persisted for an hour, until we got it straightened out AN HOUR LATER.

Ever have a call so bad that you feel like you evolved from a higher intelligence? Happened to me.

Grandma: user (very old woman)

Me: Tech support, what can I do for you today?

Grandma: My windows won't start up.

Me: Alright... have you made any changes to your system?

Grandma: No

Me: Are you able to turn your computer on?

Grandma: Yes

Me: Does your windows splash screen show up? (my first mistake)

Grandma:

Me: When does your computer stop loading?

Grandma: I don't know. It is a strange screen that I've never seen before.

Me: Is it a blue screen that says windows on it?

Grandma: No.

Me: What does the screen look like?

Grandma: It is blue.

Me: Anything else?

Grandma: It has a box on it...

Me: Anything more?

Grandma: The box has words in it.

Me (I have zero patience for this job): What version of windows are you running?

Grandma: GEORGE!? THE KID WANTS TO KNOW WHAT KIND OF WINDOWS WE ARE USING! WHY DOES HE WANT TO KNOW THAT?

Goerge: MAYBE THE WIND IS FREEZING THE COMPUTER

Me: Maam, I want to know what version of microsoft windows your computer has.

Grandma: Oh.. why didn't you say so? Windows XP.

Me: Maam, does the screen have a little icon on it that says "Administrator"

Grandma: Why, yes! But I don't know what that means.

Me: Maam, that is the account you have been using. You just have to move the mouse over it and press the right mouse button on top of it to start windows.

Grandma: Wow! Windows works now.

Me: Great. Will there be anything else today?

Grandma: Yes... why did you want to know what kind of windows our house has?

Me: Nevermind.

.....................

Span this over twenty minutes of pauses and silences and interruptions from her husband..

As a consultant in the business for over 25 years, We all encounter the Stupid User's regularly. This one still surprized me after computers and mice are in our daily lives.

On of my client's is a large police department that I provide support and help desk for...

M-Me

U-User

M: Help Desk, How Can I assist you today?

U: My mouse isn't working.

M: What happens when you try to use the mouse? or doesn't happen?

U: I move the mouse around, and nothing seems to happen.

M: Okay, I have an extra here in my office, can I stop by tommorrow morning, and I can replace it for you.

M: Next day on site with the replacement mouse in hand. I am directed to a cubicle with the most stunning model quality, Playboy Centerfold secretary you could ever imagine. After stepping on my tonque, and then rolling it back into my mouth so I could talk again. I did not immediately locate her computer mouse. I asked her if she had already removed her defective mouse.

U: No, It's on the floor under the desk where it always is.

M:? Curious, I had to ask: "Why is it on the floor"?

U: That's where its' suppose to be, and everywhere I had worked, that's where we always placed the mouse.

M: Still confused, I asked her to "Demostrate" the mouse problem for me.

U: She sits down at her desk, puts her foot on the mouse on the floor, and moves the mouse around on the carpet, stepping on the buttons, etc. thus creating unusual computer screens and operations.

M: After gaining my wits again, I picked the mouse up, place it on her desk and demonstrated the proper use of a mouse, not a dictation machine button, to the user. Which I am sure she forgot promptly after her first break.

Being a single guy myself that appreciates women with an IQ of 10 and a bust of 40, I realized she was not hired for her office skills. To this day, regardless of what problem she is having, I am more than happy to provide on site support.

HR people, unless you need the girl for a front office PR person, for actual work, the skill set should be tested before hiring.

While working for a major provider of cellular service and wireless radio direct connect, in their national call center...

M: Welcome to (cellular co. name), how can I help you today?

U: I need my cell phone replaced.

M: Are you having a problem with it?

U: Yes.

M: After a few long seconds...Can you tell what kind of trouble the phone is having?

U: It looks bad.

M: Still puzzled to his problem, what exactly do you mean it looks bad? The color, screen problem, or what?

U: Well, while I wuz working yesterdee, I dropped it out ther winder while I wuz on the job site. I couldn't git ther truck stopped quick enuff befer I ran over it with the dual wheels on my Pickup.

M: After muting the telephone for a few seconds to stop laughing, I went back and asked: "Does it still work"?

U: Yeah, it works fine, just looks like hell.

M: Well, I can't cover it under warranty, but I show on your account you do have it insured. The cell company will charge you a $50 deductable, but I can send you a new replacement in the next couple of days.

U: No problem, just send me another big yeller one just like this one, With the rubber thing around it.

M: Certainly, you should recieve it in the next couple of days."I couldn't resist this comment to the customer", Next time for safety, you may want to stop to use the cell phone, or keep the window up while driving and talking.

U: Yep, yer probaly right, Thank yee, and Y'all have a good day.

Disclaimer: Being from the rural South of Austell, GA myself, even if we talk funny, we are not all stupid. But Billy-Bob will always do something or be on national TV telling what the "Tornader" Sounded like to prove me wrong.

Y'all come back, Ya Hear!

I work as a tech for a small company that does onsite residential tech support. Our customer was having us reinstall her operating system and about twenty different programs that she'd had on it before since several viruses had screwed everything up. We've got the operating system installed, happily going through her discs and installing programs, then we come across some sort of graphics program disc that asks for a serial number before it will install. We look at the disc, we look at the sleeve the disc was in, we look through our notes, no serial for this program. So we call the lady and ask where the serial number is, hoping she has the original packaging for it. She responds that she'd written it on the disc-so we look closer at the disc. There's a lot of fancy artwork on the disc, so we're thinking maybe we just can't see it because of the graphics already there. I happened to be sitting about five feet from my boss while he's looking for this serial number, holding the disc up and turning it so he can look closely at it, when I saw the serial number.

On the bottom of the disc.

In permanent marker.

Im Working for an ISP Providing Tech Support

One of me early calls i had was from a polish guy with limited english

C=Customer

M=Me

Me: Hi your through to ..........

C: I cant get on the internet.

M: What can u see on your screen

C: Nothing!

M: Is your computer on

C: Computer huh?

M: Yes what u use to get on the internet!

C: oh (Laughs)

5 mins then while his windows 98 boots up

M: ok lets see if ur computer has an ip address, click on start and run and they type in command (Spelling it slowly c for cat, o for old, m for mother, m for mother, a for apple, n for nut and d for dog.)

c: says ok all typed in

M: asks C: to read back what he has typed

C: c for cat, o for old, m for mother, m for mother, a for apple, n for nut and d for dog

m: ask C: to delete that as its all wrong

C: how do i delete?

M: tells him to look for the del or delete key on his keyboard.

2 mins go bye and customer has put the phone down, he comes back and says

C: i cant find this keyboard u say, i dont think i have one!

one of many dum ass cmrs i get on a daily basis

I used to work in tech support, for a major ISP. I have since learned the error of my ways, and moved on. However, from this I recieved many ammusing storied, one of which I will share with you. Im sure i'm not the first!

Our company liked to send out an Installation disk for new customers. It didn't really do anything, besides put a skin on IE, and Make DUN look a little fancier. But, it made it look more like AOL.. which is what customers apparently want. We would often have calls concerning this "Software".

On one particular call, the customer could not seem to get the CD to install. I checked to see if it would autorun by having him eject it and put it back in. No Dice. So, I had him go to manually run it thru My Computer.

Strange. The Computer was not finding the disk at all. He assured me that it was in the CD Drive. I was about to check some driver stuff, when on a whim, i asked him the following question.

"Sir, Can you look at the CD and tell me if the Shiny side is up, or down?"

"It's Up."

I'll say No more.

Last summer, a customer called in requesting assistance with a power supply. He informaed me that this was his first build. After explaining for aproximately 10 minutes to him how to connect the main 20 pin to the motherboard and the molex connecters to his drives, he still was not understanding. The following conversation took place.

Me: "Sir, may I have your email address? I'd like to send you a PDF of the manual to better assist you."

Customer: "Email?"

Me: "Yes sir, a PDF so you will have the manual to refer to."

Customer: "What's that?"

Me: "I will send you an attachment of the manual to your email."

Customer: "What's email?"

I'm thinking that the customer must be joking. If you can build your own computer, surely you know what email is, right?

Me: (shocked and trying not to laugh) "You know, email. Electronic mail. via an internet connection."

Customer: "Huh. Is that something you get down at the post office?"

Me: "No sir. It's usually obtained by your internet provider and free sites online."

Customer: "All due respect ma'am. I live in a small town. We ain't got nothin' like that here. Just the post office."

Me: "Very well then. What is your mailing address? I'll send you the manual via US Mail."

After I finished the phone call, almost everyone in my area of the office was laughing in disbelief. It was the most ridiculous phone call that we can recall yet.

I'm used to people crashing their systems, in fact I have seen all sorts of lovely damage. Every tech that I have ever met has a set of questions in a mental inventory to quickly narrow down a problem.

It really bothers me that safety conscious people don't apply the sames rules to their computers that they do to their own bodies and of course; us IT people are not mind readers; not do we generally have a great imagination as to where these things are used. There just aren't enough hours in the day!!!

Someone bought in laptop exhibiting all the symptoms of motherboard fault, (just give the case a slight twist and you would see what I mean) everything working sporadically, turning on and off, hard disk appearing to fail etc and after several hours, I was doubting my abilites of 25 odd years and telling him that I could not fix it and felling very stupid.

I told him to take it to an official service centre who found metal filings inside the case. Turns out he used it right on the factory floor near production lathes.

Damnit, would you work near something like that without protection?? How the hell would an expensive piece of CONDUCTIVE electronics??

I am not a tech however I do have enough computer knowledge to be hassled by family members. The first time I felt pity for electronics was the time Kathy lets call her tried to print from her brand new computer. (She couldn't print so she tried to replace the paper, she still had problems) She called me over and I got half way through asking what was wrong when I hear this annoying sound eminating from the printer. I go closer and find she had lifted the "door" of the printer where one would replace ink and such she had jammed the paper there! i explained to her how to fix it however this is the woman no one should in their right mind trust with a remote let alone a printer...

The second is of my mother's first experience with a computer. She some how managed to mess with settings I didn't know existed at the time. The screen was purple, icons the standard "old geizer" size and task bar missing. Also she apparently deleted over half of my disk re-write software. This is the same person that just might be troubleshooting some poor dude's computer. God be with them, all of them.

Not long ago I worked for a local midwest bank. While Monitoring our help desk I answer a call:

tech:Hello tech support how can I help you?

operator: I came in this morning and my computer has a bunch of red dots on it.

tech: I start to search for the problem remotely.

Tech: I am searching everthing I can think off to find the red dots the operator is talking about, with no luck. I even ask one of the other techs if he has ever come across this problem - nope.

I get back with the customer and tell her I can't seem to find the "red dots". (at this point the desktop is up).

She say's "they are right there on the screen. See the red dots?"

tech: I say "all I see that's red is all the adobe icons(which as we all know - are RED).

operator: she say's "yea see" "I don't want them on my screen".

tech: "but these are shortcuts to these programs that someone put on your desktop"

operator: "I don't care"! "I don't want them".

tech: "ok"

You know the customer is always right

A woman brings in her computer stating that it is running slow and often has unexplicable errors. I tell her that we will do a spyware and virus check and call her when it is ready. After scanning her computer and deleting the numerous spyware, adware, and cookie additions, I give her a call. I tell her that we found some spyware on her computer along with a lot of cookies. Her response - "well the kids might have been eating near it."

-Mark Knight

I swear if I do this long enough, I'll write a book.

The audience is watching the presenter open a computer to demonstrate hardware maintenance.

Member of the audience: "How come the computer has those gray seatbelts inside"?

Another member of the audience: "Because computers have no airbags"!

As a consultant I have managed to sit across the table with the some of the smartest people you are likely to meet. On the other hand, I have sat across the table with some of the dumbest people you are likely to meet.

Company: A well known large betting agency in Australia.

Customer: I have a problem with this chart.

Us: So what is the problem?

Customer: This chart doesn't show the negative values.

Us: Um, this is a pie chart.

I said to my colleagues after leaving the premises that we should have told him to turn the page over :-) I really should have said it!!!

Same company, different induhlectual found that there wasn't enough space on the volume that the /bin directory is on. So guess what? He deletes it. He thought it was like the Recycle bin on Windows etc. Guess what also? There was no backup!

The funny part is that this machine kept going for a couple of months after this event. That was lucky because it took a while to figure out what steps we needed to do re-build it.

Only funny if you know something about databases...

A Major league bank in Victoria Australia lodged a support call with the company I worked for. The product was a database design tool. The complaint was that the tool would not allow a primary key be null.

I work as a bit of jack of all trades doing support, programming, system admin etc. As with most IT pros, I become the family tech, doing everything from "any key" questions to removing viruses/spyware and writing VBA code.

This story is about my aunt and uncle (both in their late 60's). About 4 years ago, I gave my old P166 machine, which I had recently replaced, to them, so that they could get online as I had recently upgraded to a brand new system.

Quite fancy when new, but only useful as a doorstop now.

They recently bought a new state of the ark system with the works in certain parts- P4 2.8GHz, 512Mb RAM, 17" TFT, 80Gb HDD, firewire, multiformat DVD RW drive etc, but only onboard video and MS Works applications software (aside from DVD writing/playback and manufacturer utilities).

My cousin did the basic setup - plugging the parts together, disconnecting the printer from the old PC and reconnecting to the new system etc (but not installing the driver), nor setting up the ISP/outlook express.

Needless to say, I was called in to do the rest. I had the foresight to leave an unwanted NE2000 compatible card in the old PC, and it proved invaluable in transferring data, once I had rigged a crossover cable between the two PC's and assigned IP addresses at each end (W95 talking to XP), although surprisingly the new PC has a 1.44Mb floppy in it. I found data all over the place - in the TEMP folder, the My Documents folder, the WINDOWS folder etc. It was a nightmare to get it all across.

Then, I found the supplied A-V software on the new PC had only been supplied with signatures from July 2004 (this was set up Feb 2005), so I updated that.

While doing this, they were constantly looking at me, asking questions, it was a bit awkward saying, "Don't worry, you won't need to know about items," but they were a bit worried when I told them that they must update the antivirus software at least once a week plus whenever they hear on the TV/radio news about a computer virus outbreak.

They also said, when I pointed out the desktop icon for the CD/DVD writing software, that they would probably never write their own disks.

Because they were constantly looking over my shoulder, I also felt a little uneasy in gaining the full specifications of the machine, because I'd be visiting parts of Windows that they wouldn't need to know, and would probably never visit again. They also kept asking me "How do you know that" when I uncover something they've never seen before. Simple: I've been in IT for over 7 years, have an IT degree and am MCSA as well as a published author and know my stuff.

The best bit came last though: I switched the printer on to let plug and play detect it, it installed the driver and I had windows print a test page.

The page came out with lots of missing parts, but was readable in the parts that were printed. Its almost as if they hadn't used the printer much (that's true enough). They said that the printer had been doing this for a while from their old PC but they thought the new PC would fix it, that it was a problem with the PC being old.

Relatives, don't you just love them...

Logistics R US Help desk, how may I help you.

My screen doesn't work. It's broken.

Is the screen showing anything at all or is it just black?

It's all black.

Is the little green light on?

There's an orange light that keeps flashing.

Ok - maybe there is a problem with the cable. Can you please check that the big thick cable from the back of your screen is properly connected to the back of your computer box?

You want me to crawl behind this thing? ..... o.k. ... hang on... errr.. it looks like the cable is in properly.

The cable is connected both to the screen and to the computer properly?

Yeah..... yeah, definitely.

Ok..... hmmmm.... what about the computer box, does that have any lights on it?

What, on the front? There aren't any lights there.

Right next to the power button, there should be two or three lights. Are any of them lit?

Huh....oh I see them... no, they're not lit.

OK - it seems like we have a problem with power to the computer, maybe we should check the... [at this point the caller has clearly stopped listening - there is the sound of the pc's power button being pressed and the pc starts to boot]

[caller in extremely hurried, nervous and embarrassed voice]...uhh ... I fixed the screen... it was the... uh... thing... yeah... [click!]

Having worked in technical support for well over a year, both on the phone and on a help desk, I read through a lot of the stories here and just understand, and pity some of the agents that have posted their stories.

This one as well as many I am sure to post in the later months has stook with me for a while, it was so basic I couldn't understand it at first, but after a while the customers Stupidity jumped out at me, and as i groaned, and sighed deeply down the phone, the eventually apologised.

The scene

Call center, me and 500 other call agents, all working for a large scale global company working on their Hardware Technical support line.

Customers ringing constantly, never knowing with buttons to press when coming through on an IVR system

Customer = D (Dolt)

Call Handler = M (Me)

M : "Good evening and welcome to , You're speaking to , Sorry for any delay you have had getting through to us today, have you called us before?"

D : "Yes, my ID number is "

M : Ok Mr D, How may I help you tonight?

D : Ok, I have just bought this new PC today and my keyboard is broken, I have been working with PCs for a while and I want a new keyboard

M : Right, Can you explain exactly what the problem is with your keyboard?

D : It just doesnt work, I type and nothing happens, I see no lights on the keyboard and nothing is happening...

(At this point I should mention that the keyboard is wireless, and thus, has a receiver unit, most of the keyboards we sell don't have lights on for caps lock and the like on these style of keyboards)

M : Ok sir, have you tried pressing the sync buttons on the mouse, keyboard and the receiver unit?

D : Yes Yes, I am not that stupid, I have read the manual about setting it all up, I have done the connections, and the receiving units.

M : Right sir, have you tried the batteries?

D : There are not batteries its wireless?

M : *Stunned shock just for a little while* Sir, Where do you think its going to get its power from?

D : Er....

M : Sir, have you put the batteries that were supplied in the box in the mouse and keyboard and receiver unit

D : Er....

*Groan and Sigh Loudly*

D : I am sorry, I am an idiot..

*click*

Plenty of these come through daily, but mostly not all from people with such a tone and know it all status as this guy, oh well... its the way of tech support.

me=ME

cx=customer

A= another agent

Call #1

me- thank you for calling --------, can i verify your dsl phn # as ----------?

cx- this damn thing don't work!

me- i am sorry for the issues your having sir, but i need to verify your phn # before i can assist you.

cx- never mind, i got it. (click) {okay}

Call #2 (over heard wile split jacking)

A- now put the cd into your computer, and it should start running.

2 min later

A- it still hasn't started running?

cx- i put it into my computer like you said.

A- go ahead and rmove the cd ma'am.

cx- how do i do that?

A- press the button on your cd drive and remove the cd when it pops out.

cx- the drive opened, but the cds not in it.

A- {WHAT?} how could that be?

cx- i didn't put the cd in here, i put it into the slot above the drive.

turns out the cx put the cd into a crack above the cdrom drive and now the cd is still in thier PC.

Call #3

me- is the phn cord connected to the modem the on veri-- sent you?

cx- yes.

me- is that cord going directly to the phn jack?

cx- yes.

10 min later i come to find out that the RJ11 was going directly into the phn jack,........ in the back of the PC tower!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

no wonder i had a heart attack at 24.

I work as tech support for a small college. One week we had some major problems with the projection system in our auditorium. After several hours work we got it fixed.

A few days later one of the teachers calls from the auditorium saying he can't get the projector to work and he needs it for his class that is going on right now. Thining it's the same nightmare problem again I tell him I'll be right there. I get there only to find that he never pressed the button to send the signal from the computer to the projector. I press it and the image comes up. The whole class started laughing at him. I felt bad for the guy, so I showed him what I did so it doesn't happen again.

Working for a major cable company I recive calls of people not able to connect w/ their cable modems. 1 Call I was doing my normal non connectivity trubble shooting when in the back ground I hear the husband yell to the wife you better take that USB Vibrator off of the computer befor they find out about this. Curious I went to the system prop. and in to the hardwear to the usb devices and found the driver named ram1 for the USB vibrator. talk about Ironc.