Funny and Humorous Technical Support Tales and Stories

The other day, we were doing powerpoint presentations in health class. Most students saved theirs to their school drive in the My Documents folder, and to avoid the time consuming process of logging out and in for each student, the teacher allowed us to access them from a special area reserved only to teachers that contains the My Documents folder of every student, each labeled with the first 3 letters of the respective student's last name and a set of four random numbers. The teacher assumed everyone was aware of this set up, but one student complained that he couldn't find his ppt. Turns out he was looking in the _teacher's_ My Documents folder. Needles to say, I wasn't the only one who got a chuckle out of this ;)

Love the site, keep it up :)

-th

Hi,

After months of my mother complaining that her computer was too slow, it was decided that we would try to source her an upgrade. As luck would have it, a PC was given freely by someone else who was upgrading theirs to the latest and greatest , therefore didn't need it anymore.

So we arranged a day when the installation could take place at my mothers house. The computer that we were replacing was an Imac G3 which has everything inside the screen. It was her first computer and she found it easy to use, despite the slowness.

So, the Dell PC was installed. Some training in using Windows 7/Web/Email was given, along with how to shut the computer down. I installed VNC , so that many small issues could be solved remotely.

For 3 days everything is fine, the computer is much faster than before.

On the 4th day..........it is reported that "this computer is very very slow"

Puzzled, I try to remotely connect in, and sure enough this takes longer than usual. But once the connection is established and I can see the display, all is revealed...............

My mother had 26 Internet Explorer windows open.

She never ever switched the PC off. And because she was used an Apple Imac G3, she thought switching the VGA screen off would switch the computer off.

After taking this all in, I set about restarting the PC. Voila! Faster PC.

Then I added a scheduled task that would restart the PC at 11pm every night.

And its' still doing it's job. :)

I work on the helpdesk for a semi small chain of supermarkets. and I just recieved the following update for a call from one of our suppliers:

Incident ID: xxxxxx

Your Reference: xxxxxxx

Status: Accepted

Open Date and Time: 15/01/2011 15:12:25

Site ID: xxxxx - xxxxx xxxxxx (xxx) Product ID: xxxxx

Problem description: Engineer is on the scene and checking the printer.

I work as a tech for a health care facility. I manage a network of about 100 devices and do other services such as tech support, managing internal phones, design work, publishing, web programming, and servicing all the other fun stuff that plugs into the wall. I love my workplace and they love me, but I wonder about a few of them sometimes. Here are a few of my stories, I may post others in the future.

One of the things about our workplace is the size. The other is how our employees abuse equipment. We get these very rugged and durable portable phones that work with out PBX system. They go through anything you can imagine (swimming in the pool, through lawn lowers, through snow blowers, dropped from 20+ feet, lost in snowbanks for months on end, etc...). One of the workers brought me one of these phones and claimed it wasn't working. The conversation went something like this:

M=Me U=User

U - My phone isn't working.

M - What is wrong with it?

U - It makes noises but I can't see anything

M - That is strange, what happened to it.

U - Well, here is the story. I was working in the bathroom and the phone fell into the toilet. It was only in it for about a second before I got it out. It worked fine so I didn't do anything else. Later that morning, I noticed moisture building up inside, so I put it in the oven on low to get the water out.

(This is where I cut in as wasn't sure if I heard him correctly)

M - Wait, did you say you put the phone in the oven?

U - Yep, and it got some of the water out but there is still some left in it.

(We both start laughing, he always struck me as sensible in the past so I thought he was pulling my leg.

M - That's hilarious, so what did you really do

U - I just said, I put the phone in the oven to remove the moisture.

M - Err... well.... give me the phone and I will see what I can do.

Anyone who looks at an oven can tell that the lowest setting is still well over 100 degrees of any type of operating and storage temperatures for any electronic device. Did I mention that the battery was still in the phone?

Amazingly enough, all that appeared ruined was the LCD display. I had a few spare phones that had other issues and replaced the screen with a working one and dried out the remaining moisture in the case. Good as new.

A few of our users are not tech savy at all. At least they will admit this fact though. One such incident involved the most clueless, yet very nice, user who had always worked on a giant counter for a desk. Upon moving to a new location and getting a standard computer workstation, I received complaints about them not being able to do everything on their computer. I decided it was best to go and see the problem in person as they typically refuse to even try to troubleshoot over the phone.

After arriving to the scene of the issue, I ask them to show me what the problem is. When they did, it took all of my self control to not burst out laughing. Their keyboard and mouse were on a typical tray under the desk and their mouse was hitting the edge of the tray. This was preventing them from clicking on everything on the right half of their screen. The best solution they devised was to shake the mouse rapidly and hope it fell to a more convenient spot. I proceeded to show them how to use the mouse properly and that they could lift the mouse into the air and set it down elsewhere to move it more. This concept unfortunately took 3 additional 10 minute lessons and two weeks of practice to settle in.

I have nothing against Mac devices or intelligent people who actually know how to use them. It just seems that some of the most problematic ID-10-T's out there that are tech savy to an extent and have an attitude problem always have a Mac as their main system. I am not a Mac guy, but I can still do some basic stuff nonetheless. This one time, a visitor had come on site and wanted Wi-Fi access on their macbook. In special cases we sometimes allow them a connection to a segmented internet connection. We do not leave it wide open and require people to apply for temporary access. Upon being introduced, he immediately began to lecture me about not having our wi-fi open for anyone to access. After 5 minutes of hot air being blown my way, I was finally able to get a some words in. The conversation went something like this.

User - I cannot understand how you can even justify password protecting your wireless network.

Me - It it locked down for security reasons. This is a private business network, and we are not a wi-fi hotspot for anyone to just sit down and use.

U - Anyone who can use wi-fi should be able to get on the internet when they want.

M - We are not an ISP, and it is good practice to use security. Do you have wi-fi at home?

U - Yes

M - Do you let everyone on it?

U - No, I put a password on it.

M - Why would you do that if everyone should have access to the internet when they want?

U - Because I pay for it and they should get their own.

M - Okay, so tell me again why I should have my network wide open for you to use?

U - Well, some places let you do use their internet whenever you want.

M - Well, we are not Starbucks.

Honestly I don't know what it is about the Mac user superiority complex, but they seem to expect everything handed to them for free and all lack the proper understanding for anything considered a standard practice or rule.

The guilty party in this case actually uses a computer so they may find this one day. I will not name names, but it is too good not to share. You know who you are and my apologies in advance.

I got a call one day from a worker about the computer saying it had a pile of viruses on it (20-30). It was immediately apparent that it was a rogue anti-virus as nothing would let that much that fast through our security system. I told them not to touch anything and I would be right down. Upon arriving, I began my interrog... I mean investigation. It went something like this:

Me - So how did this happen.

User - Well it happened when I opened up an attachment in an email.

M - Show me the email.

(User proceeded to show me the email and bingo)

M - This is spam mail with an attached virus. They are very common and should be deleted.

U - Well I normally do but I was expecting a delivery from UPS and I thought it was about my package.

M - Did you give them an email to contact you?

U - No, and I thought it was weird they sent it to my work email.

M - You should have clued in there that it was spam.

U - I know, but I really wanted to know about my package.

M - What was it anyway?

U - Well, my cat has a water fountain that it drinks from, and I really needed a new water filter.

M - Wait a second, your telling me that it is because of your cat that your computer is infected?

U - No!... Well maybe..... yes.

I proceeded to remove the rogue antivirus and fix all damage caused. To this day, I still don't let her forget this one.

these are other regular issues that seem to keep happening form time to time.

User - Can you change the toner in my inkjet printer?

Me - Sure thing, I'll get right on that.

U - Can you put a new ink cartridge in our laser printer?

M - Laser ink? Coming right up.

U - I can't send this e-mail.

M - What are you trying to send?

U - A couple pictures to everyone.

M - What size are the pictures?

U - 2 megabytes each.

(Thinking, that isn't too bad)

M - What is it telling you?

U - It says that my email is too big to be sent.

M - What size is the email?

U - 340 megabytes

M - Wait... how many pictures exactly are you trying to send?

U - I dunno, 150-180 somewhere.

M - That is way too many to send in emails, I can put them in the company's shared pictures section. Just tell me what type of event it is.

U - Oh, its not a company event, its all pictures of my dogs from x-mas.

M - And everyone needs to see over 150 pictures of your dogs?

U - Yes, because they were wearing x-mas outfits.

(Bangs head on desk)

U - We had this file this one time, can you find it?

M - Maybe, what is the file called?

U - I don't know.

M - Who had it?

U - Not sure.

M - When was it made?

U - A long time ago.

M - Do you have a printout so I have something to search for?

U - Nobody has seen it in awhile.

M - Sorry, I cant help you.

U - Why not?

M - Like all dogs, even IT workers need a bone.

Here is a funny one from last April when I decided to play a prank on my fellow employees. I never did anything to people in the past. It works great when most people get it 1st thing in the morning before coffee starts to kick in or other people make them aware of what day it is.

When anyone on the 1st went to log into their computer, I had it give them a message before it would give them the logon prompt. Here is a record of what it said. I made sure this didn't show on any laptops or places that this would have proven hazardous.

"Attention - Dirt detected in keyboard"

Your computer has detected that your keyboard is dirty and requires cleaning. Please follow these simple instructions below exactly as described to fix this problem:

1. Blow into the keyboard, around the keys, to loosen any dirt inside.

2. Pick up your keyboard. Be careful not to pull to hard on any wires.

3. Flip your keyboard over and shake gently.

4. Flip keyboard right-side-up.

5. Blow into keyboard again to loosen any remaining dirt.

6. Flip keyboard over again and shake gently.

7. Place keyboard back into its original position.

Great, your keyboard is clean. Now that you have done this, it is important that you also complete the following instructions.

1. Alert other people around you (if any) to the dirt that was in your keyboard and how you did a great job in cleaning it yourself.

2. Everyone have a good laugh at the April Fools joke that the IT Department has just played on you. Have a great day.

The funny part was some of the reactions I heard. I know I had fooled over 1/2 a dozen people, and I am sure I got others but they won't admin it. I heard stories of people fighting over cans of compressed air to do the cleaning, and some of them after following the instructions didn't even read the 2nd part about it being a joke. Every now and then I still bring it up and people say "That was a joke?"

Let me start by saying that I have well over 10 years in technical support, hardware, software, specialized applications, for the most part, you name it, I’ve supported it. Windows, Mac, UNIX. In my downtime, I have a very full home network running, combination of wired and wireless connections, and a wide variety of Operating Systems, so it’s a pretty safe bet that I know what I’m doing.

Unfortunately, every once in awhile, I will lose synch to my ISP, which, while annoying, is a very quick fix on the other end of the phone. I call, ask to get my line cleared, watch my modem for the “READY” light, and we’re all happy. Tech support has a fast, easy ticket they can close quickly, keeping their numbers up, and I have the internet available again...

Until one time, I called the ISP for my usual line clearing

M-Me

O- Other person, who I would NEVER call a tech.

M: Can I get you to clear my line, I lost my ready light, and need to get back up and running.

O: Sure, I can do that, but let’s try these troubleshooting steps first.

M: Really, the line just needs to be cleared; I have no READY light on my modem.

O: OK let’s start by telling me what lights are on your modem…

M: All but the READY light, just like I’ve said.

O: Let’s unplug your modem, are you comfortable doing this?

M: Yes, I’ve done it 4 times today, but yes, I’ll do it once again.

O: Good, tell me when the lights are back on.

M: Should I maybe plug it back in first?

O: Oh (haha) yes, you should.

M: Right… (I wait the expected time, receive the expected result) OK, I have all lights except the ready light still. Can you please just clear my line?

O: We’re almost done here…. I need you to go to “start” then control panel…

M: That won’t do any good; I don’t have a READY light on the modem, my computer is working fine.

O: OK, instead let’s go to start, programs, accessories, command prompt

M: Um, OK, but this won’t do any good either, whatever it is you want me to do… As I've said, my computer is working fine.

O: Yes, I need you to type this in exactly as I say it… type “Ping 127.0.0” and press enter.

M: Uh, sorry, that will not work, why do you want me to do a loopback ping? Even if you had it right, that won’t do any good, again, my computer is working as it should.

O: Just press enter

M: It WILL NOT WORK (Of course, it doesn’t)

O: Let’s go to the control panel, I think I know what’s going on…

M: (Really? You do now?) OK, I’m there…

O: Let’s go into device manager, do you have anything under Network Adapters?

M: There’s nothing under there, because it’s all working.

M: I have Yukon Gigabit Ethernet, nothing appears wrong with it.

O: OK, you don’t have any network adapters installed on your computer, take it to a local computer shop and have them install one for you.

M: Do you know what Gigabit Ethernet is? It’s a network adapter.

O: Sir, I am the technician, please listen to me…

M: OK, how about this (click - call back)

M: Can you clear my line? I don’t have a ready light...

Proper Tech: Oh sure, I can do that

20 seconds later…

M: OK, I have a ready light, and I’m back up and running, I really hate to do this, because I’m a tech as well, but can I talk to a supervisor? Believe me; this has NOTHING to do with you.

Proper Tech: Sure…

That is the only time that I have had to complain about the service I’ve received from that company.